“Running is the best way to remind yourself how much you love sitting.”
–
~Bill Murray~
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Crazy Politically Incorrect Jokes
Read at your own discretion. 
Never break someone's heart, they only have one. Break their bones instead, they have 206 of them.
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One man's trash is another man's treasure...
(Maybe this wasn’t the ideal way of telling our daughter that she was adopted…)
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“Do you have Valentines cards that say something like “You’re my only one?”
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Sure thing.
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Wonderful! I’ll take 8 of those please.
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Mom, I’m still having those sharp headaches!
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Well why don’t you move away from in front of the dart board?!
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A mom tells her son a joke; the son is embarrassed and says: "Mom, please don't tell any more jokes. You really can't make them."
The mom only shrugs and says, "Well – I did make you..."
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Either the woman at the back of the train has two really ugly children, or two seriously cool Pokémons.
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Doctor tells his patient, “I’m afraid you are going to die in a few hours. What is your last wish?”
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Patient replies, “I need a good doctor.”
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How to save a man from drowning?
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Try removing your foot from their head.
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"Mother, why do people die so suddenly in our family?"
...
"Mama?"
"Mama?"
"Maaaammaaaaaaa!"
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What do you call people who use the temperature method of contraception?
Parents.
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Why do hurricanes get such lame names, like Sandy? Name that thing Hurricane Death Megatron 900 and I guarantee folks will be evacuating like they need to.
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A doctor tells a patient, "Sir, you are highly contagious and must be placed in isolation. Until we get in contact with the Center for Disease Control and Prevention, your diet will consist of pizza and fried eggs."
"Will that help me get better again?" asks the patient.
"Not really. But it's the only thing we can shove in under the door."
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Black humor is like a pair of healthy kidneys.
Not everyone has it.
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A doctor walks in a cemetery one afternoon when a hand shoots through the earth and grabs his ankle. A hollow voice speaks from underneath the ground, "You're a doctor, right? Do you have anything for worms?"
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Mother: Son, why aren't you talking to Mark anymore? You used to be really good friends.
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Son: Well would you like to talk to someone who is kind of stupid, is using drugs and is drinking alcohol every day?
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Mother: Of course not!
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Son: Well does he.
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Question: I have an extra-large nose, three eyes and thirty teeth. What am I?
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Answer: Ugly
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A guy had to move abroad and had to sell his pit bull. The new owner asks, “And does he like little kids?”
“Sure, but I find I get less flack feeding him cats.”
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At a birth center:
Heavily breathing woman: How long does it usually take for the child to be out from the start of the labor pains?
Midwife: About 18 years on average.
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They say you cannot outrun a bear. True, but don’t panic, usually it is enough to outrun the chubbiest member of your hiking group.
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Two cannibals are enjoying dinner. One compliments the other, "I say, Bill, your wife really makes a great meal."
Yeah well, enjoy it. She's a
'one of'.
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Around 50% of our youth sees the future in a positive way. The other half doesn’t have the money to buy the drugs.
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How did the dentist suddenly become a brain surgeon?
A slip of the hand.
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Good morning everyboomie.
Welcome to your weekend!
We had a nuther super fantastic day here in SE Okie Land. These are the days you long for. When you can leave your door propped open, and don't need air conditioning, or even a ceiling fan.
The only draw back is getting a fly or two, or even something like a wasp in your living room.
I didn't do a lot today besides take Missy to the park.
I may drive out to the sod farm Saturday just to get out of town and enjoy the nice day.
Looks like we're going to hit 81 degrees in the afternoon.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
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witter
The store didn't have what I needed, so I just left my materials for them in case they ever get the display they need and got paid for going there anyway. 
The rest of the stores went smoothly as well. Thanks, I hope I get to play Pillars of the Earth as well. 
Hope you have a great weekend! Next weekend sounds fantastic. What plays are you seeing?
Normally when I have 3 day weekends, I prefer to take Friday off, but I have a project that has to be done on that day specifically. So, Monday it is, then, which means my 3 day weekend begins now. 
I have no plans except to practice. I was supposed to have a voice lesson, but apparently, my voice teacher is still unavailable. Well, if nothing else, my voice should be strong and rehearsed the next time I see her. 
