We’ve all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
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~Robert Wilensky~
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Filthy Disgusting and Revolting JokesEnjoy...
I took my mother-in-law out yesterday morning.
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Being a sniper is awesome.
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What is the last thing to go through a fly’s head as it smashes against the windscreen of a car going 70 mph?
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Its butt.
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He: Honey, I have to tell you something. I have AIDS.
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She: I know.
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KID : Dad, what do condoms do?
DAD : Son, they prevent questions just like that one.
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I asked the stewardess to switch my seat on a plane because I was seated right next to a screaming baby.
Apparently that's not something they let you do if the baby is your own.
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What’s black and white and red?
A nun that’s fallen down the stairs.
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What’s black and white and laughing?
The nun who pushed her.
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Doctor: “Well - Mrs. Smith, it would seem that you're pregnant.”
Mrs. Smith: “Sweet Jesus, that's wonderful, I'm pregnant?!”
Doctor: “Oh no, but at first glance, it would certainly seem so. Here's our weight loss brochure.”
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A girl to her boyfriend: “I’m breaking up with you!”
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“But why?”
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“Because you’re constantly making fun of my weight!”
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“Oh come on, honey, don’t be like that! Here, grab these two chairs, sit yourself down on them and we will talk it out.”
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Why is the Great Wall of China considered one of the seven wonders of the world?
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Because it is an actual long-lasting Chinese product.
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My poor skills as an electrician often leave people shocked.
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During World War II, my grandpa single-handedly killed 30 German pilots.
He was the crappiest mechanic the Luftwaffe ever hired.
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A man complains sadly to a psychologist: “Nobody seems to like me.“
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The psychologist responds: “What do you think could be the reason for that?“
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The man looks at him: “So is it my task or yours to find that out you moron!“
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An awkward housewarming visit:
“Oh but this is wonderful – your couch has a massage function – and it’s so nice and warm!”
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“You’re sitting on our cat.”
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I tried to phone my cousin in France in 1943 but the line was occupied.
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I read an article that they’ve trained dogs now so they can smell terminal illnesses in people. Kind of a different experience, taking a dog like that for a walk.
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“Oooh, your dog really likes me!”
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Owner: “I’m so very sorry.”
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Do you know the difference between a horse and a cactus?
[No]
What?! Well just try sitting on one, then you’ll know it.
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Good morning everyboomie.
Welcome to a new week............I guess..............if that's a good thing.
Could be.
Probably won't!
I'm sure it will be.
Don't bet on it.
Come on now! The glass is half full.
OOPS! Knocked the glass off the table.
GET YOUR BEHIND OUT OF BED!!!
So how do you guys pump yourself up for a new day?
I hope it's not with my post.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
acebook
witter
Any big plans for the day? 
Hope you have a great Monday.
