“What’s my type? Someone who is supportive. Someone who is warm. Someone I can just curl up and relax with. Wait I’m describing my bed again.”
–
~Bill Murray~
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In Spain, there is a tradition after a bullfight to serve the mayor the bull’s testicles.
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One day after a bullfight, the mayor asks the waiter: “Funny, why are they so small today?”
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The waiter: “Today, sir, the bull won.”
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Harry prays to God: Dear Lord, please make me win the lottery.
The next day Harry begs the Lord again: Please make it so I win the lottery, Lord!
The next day, Harry again prays: Please, please, dear Lord, make me win the lottery!
Suddenly he hears a voice from above: Harry, would you kindly go and buy a lottery ticket.
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A wife complains to her husband: “Just look at that couple down the road, how lovely they are. He keeps holding her hand, kissing her, holding the door for her, why can’t you do the same?”
The husband: “Are you mad? I barely know that woman!”
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Police: “Open the door!”
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Man: “I don’t want any balls!”
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Police: “What are you talking about? We don’t have any balls!”
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Man: “I always thought that.”
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In a boomerang shop: "I'd like to buy a new boomerang please. Also, can you tell me how to throw the old one away?"
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Patient: Oh doctor, I’m just so nervous. This is my first operation.
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Doctor: Don't worry. Mine too.
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Mr. Smith: “Doctor, you remember this strengthening solution you prescribed me yesterday?”
Doctor: “Yes, what’s the matter?”
Mr. Smith: “I would like to use it but I can’t open the bottle!”
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Doctor: Hello, did you come to see me with an eye problem?
Patient: Wow, yes, how can you tell?
Doctor: Because you came in through the window instead of the door.
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Patient: Doctor help me please, every time I drink a cup of coffee I get this intense stinging in my eye.
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Doctor: I suggest you remove the spoon before drinking.
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Men 1845: I just killed a buffalo.
Men 1952: I just fixed the roof.
Men 2017: I just shaved my legs.
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I was sitting in a bar one day and two really large women came in, talking in an interesting accent.
So I said, “Cool accent, are you two ladies from Ireland?”
One of them snarled at me, “It’s Wales, dumbo!”
So I corrected myself, “Oh, right, so are you two whales from Ireland?”
That’s about as far as I remember.
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I can’t believe I forgot to go to the gym today. Darn! That’s 7 years in a row now.
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A naked women robbed a bank. Nobody could remember her face.
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A police officer stops a car.
Officer: “Your driver’s license please.”
Driver: “I’m really sorry, I forgot.”
Officer: “At home?”
Driver: “No, to take the test.”
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Why is women’s soccer so rare?
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It’s quite hard to find enough women willing to wear the same outfit.
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I was making Russian tea. Unfortunately I cannot fish the teabag out of the vodka bottle.
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Good morning everyboomie.
Hump Day again, eh?
We had very overcast skies all day Tuesday. I did my grocery shopping, took the dogs to the park, went home and put the groceries up, had lunch, did some exercising, took a nap, and then mowed the lawn.
Other than that I didn't get much accomplished.
Wednesday is supposed to rain all day, so not many plans in the works here for that.
I wish everyone a super day.
joe
acebook
witter
Maybe you can get some gaming in if it rains tomorrow. 
Sorta 
