When I was a boy, the Dead Sea was only sick.
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~George Burns~
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Change is inevitable, except from a parking meter.
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Before my first cup of coffee I hate everybody. That doesn’t change after I’ve had that coffee, but it feels much better.
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I'm not lazy. I'm just highly motivated to do nothing.
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Jesus loves you. Everyone else thinks you’re a great big idiot.
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If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a million times: Don’t exaggerate!
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You may think the grass is greener on the other side, but it’s possibly because there’s more manure there!
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I’m not bossy, I simply know exactly what you should be doing.
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If your friend asks for some of your chips, you can reply: There’s no 'we' in chips.
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Roses are red, violets are blue, a face like yours belongs in the Zoo.
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There is no lousy weather, only lousy choice of clothing.
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Of all the dogs, a Hot Dog is the most noble; it feeds the hand that bites it.
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Being British means driving your German car to an Irish pub to have a Belgian beer, then grabbing an Indian curry or a Turkish kebab on the way home where you rest on Swedish furniture and watch American shows on a Japanese TV.
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I’m not reading any instructions. I just press buttons until it does what I want.
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A true optimist is the guy who falls off a skyscraper and after 50 floors thinks to himself – well, so far so good!
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I refuse to have a battle of wits with an opponent so clearly unarmed.
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When someone is being stupid:
You should really start thinking about changing your dealer!
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Good morning everyboomie.
A very happy Mother's Day to all the moms out there.
I hope this day is special for each of you.
I did go to the sod farm yesterday. Didn't find anything but a thumb scraper made from a very beautiful piece of flint.
There was plenty of bare ground from newly cut sod,and there was even some irrigation. There simply was not enough to flush anything out.
I didn't leave here until 8:20, and I was back by 11:30.
It may be a while before I go back.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
acebook
witter
Hope you have a great Sunday.
Then we went for ice cream. 
As for tomorrow, I have a voice lesson. 
