It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.
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~George Burns~
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The shortest horror story:
Monday.
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Doesn’t expecting the unexpected make the unexpected expected?
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If love is blind, then marriage is its spectacles.
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Stupidity knows no boundaries, but it knows a lot of people.
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What would you, as an uninvolved party, say on the topic of intelligence?
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How to win the heart of a woman? Kiss her, love her, go to the end of the world for her.
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How to win the heart of a man? Come naked and carry a six-pack of beer.
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Intelligence relentlessly rides in your wake - but you are faster.
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4 bottles of bleach: $20.00. A coil of rope, 4 rolls of duct tape, and a shovel: $45.00. 3 boxes of XXL bin liners: $10.00.
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The look on the cashier’s face: Priceless!
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The password to your life is “Humor”.
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Good persuasion technique:
Come over to the dark side... we've got candy.
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A truth of life:
Trust nothing other than your own butt to always stand behind you!
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German saying:
Too long speeches lead to no actions.
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Some harsh morning reality:
The early bird dies of sleep deprivation.
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The weekend has landed:
Goodbye, social status and dignity. I'll see you Monday.
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Don't share the host's music taste?:
"I believe they are actually using this music to keep the hobos from train stations."
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Need to defend a messy apartment?
We maintain an alternative lifestyle.
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A smooth break-up line:
There was a time when I would have given myself to you, now I'm not even willing to throw up in your direction.
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Thank you, I don’t need a hairstylist. My pillow creates a new hairdo for me every morning.
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What not to say when you get pulled over:
Police officer: Papers.
Driver: Scissors.
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Dear math exercise book, kindly grow up finally and solve your own problems!
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Good morning to you
Good morning to you
Good morning dear Boomers
EVERYBODY OUT OF BED!!!!!! 
Time to initiate a new escape plan.
My plan probably includes keeping low and trying to ignore Monday thru Friday.
Stay inside where it's dark and cool, and only go out when it's absolutely necessary, using the back streets and alleys to get around.
Don't answer the phone or talk to anybody official.
I think that'll get me through the week ok, without engaging much at all.
If I conserve enough energy, I may not even have to do much exercising.
Now THAT'S a plan!
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
acebook
witter
