In those days the best painkiller was ice; it wasn't addictive and it was particularly effective if you poured some whiskey over it.
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~George Burns~
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I wonder if Kevin Bacon movies are banned in Muslim countries?
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Any mushroom can be eaten. The trick is to find those mushrooms that can be eaten more than once.
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Here’s my step ladder. I’ve never met my biological ladder.
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Now that he’s dead, everyone pretends they were soooo into Stephen Hawking.
I bet you they couldn’t even name five of his songs if you asked them.
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For an embarrassingly long time I put golf balls in the same category as athlete’s foot.
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Even if you know you’re doing everything wrong, you still know you can at least serve as a bad example.
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Do you have a cat? And are you not a fan of house chores?
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Here’s a little tip: Make your cat full of static electricity by rubbing her with a balloon and then use a laser pointer to have her go on all your dusty shelves and surfaces.
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There you go, dusting is a chore of yesterday.
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A German driver was pulled over on a Polish highway by the local police.
Polish policeman: "What’s your name, sir?"
German: "Helmut Rauchbraucher."
Policeman: "OK. Age?"
Helmut: "53."
Policeman: "Occupation?"
Helmut: "Oh no, I’m only visiting."
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North Korea recently changed their volume measurement system. The liter is now only to be called the dear liter.
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I dated a tennis player but I’ll never make such a mistake again. Love has zero meaning to them.
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Why don’t cows have feet like we do?
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Because they lack toes.
Good thing they're not lack toes intolerant.
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So what happens when somebody scares you half to death – twice?
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I heard a midget got pickpocketed on our street the other day. I don’t understand how anybody can stoop so low.
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My friend wrote a book on polstergeists, it’s simply flying off the shelves.
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Multitask – mess up more things at once!
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I tried to cross-breed cows and hyenas for my PhD thesis. Not such a great idea, the result was a laughing stock for the whole university.
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The adjective of quiz is quizzical, right?
So what’s the adjective of test?
Testical?
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I have a great fear of choking, especially when I'm playing charades.
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Good morning everyboomie.
Boy howdy I'm tired!
I left here at 7:00 am, and arrived at the sod farm at 7:30. I didn't leave there to come home until 12:30. That's a lot of time walking around out in the sun, which when it got going full force, made it pretty steamy.
I walked around for over an hour before I found a tip.
Ended up finding 3 points, and 2 tips. I found several scrapers too. But the best find was a fantastic beautifully sculpted scraper/blade that was as big as my hand.
It was the best day I've had out there in a very long time.
We are going to hit the 90s this week, so it may be the last time I go out there for quite a while.
Have a happy day everyone. I think I'll sleep good tonight.
joe
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Joe! Congratulations on a good day at the farm! Very nice 
