Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.
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~Marilyn Monroe~
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In any argument, a wife has the last word. Anything the husband says after that last word is the beginning of a new argument.
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I’ve just had a really big row with my wife about going on holiday. I wanted to go to Paris; she wanted to come with me.
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I called Debbie to celebrate our first anniversary. And she just hung up. Doesn’t our separation mean anything to her?
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Women can be likened to roads. The more curves, the bigger the danger.
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Policeman: I'm very sorry, sir, but it looks like your wife got hit by a bus.
Man: Yeah I’m aware of her looks, but Karen has a wonderful personality.
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“Honey what do you love most about me? My honed body or my charming face?”
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“Your sense of humor.”
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Man to his wife, “Do you like it at the beach, darling?”
“Yes! The view makes me quite speechless, dear!”
“Very good, we’re staying 3 weeks.”
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"If I’d known you were this poor, I’d never have married you."
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"Don’t pretend I didn’t warn you! How many times did I tell you that you’re everything I have?"
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Girl: One day I will marry. A lot of men will be sad that day.
Boy: What? You know bigamy is not legal in this state don't you?
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Life hack: Hold your wife’s hand in the shopping mall. If you don’t, she might start shopping. For her it is romantic; for you it is economical.
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“I cuddle with my husband about two or three times a week.”
“Yeah? Me just once.”
“Oh, but wait, I thought you were single.”
“Ah I see. I thought we were talking about your husband.”
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Telegram to husband: Wife dead. Bury or cremate?
Man: Take no chances. Burn, then bury ashes.
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Finally I got an idea of what it looks like in a woman’s brain: 126 open tabs in an internet browser.
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An elderly couple goes to their favorite restaurant they’ve been visiting together for decades. The man addresses his wife with all sorts of endearments, calling her his darling, sweetheart, his treasure etc.
When the lady excuses herself and goes to the bathroom, the waiter comments to the man, “Wow, you have an amazing relationship with your wife, all those lovely names you call her…”
The man looks at him, “Yeah....my short term memory has become so bad I can never remember her name.”
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”Man: Darling, I just ordered our groceries online.
Wife: Really?! You’ve just sent me a Whatsapp saying I should do the shopping.
Man: Well, that’s what I said.
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I’m not saying my wife’s cooking is bad…..
But a few Middle Eastern weapons manufacturers offered a very nice price for her recipes.
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I felt incomplete until I married you.
Now I’m finished.
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Husband: Shall we make a nice weekend for each other, honey?”
Wife: “Oh, that would be lovely, Georgie!”
Husband: “Fantastic! Well, I'll see you Monday.”
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Good morning everyboomie.
I'm here with more cute marriage jokes for you.
I hope you all had fantastic Monday. I went out to Lowes, and then to Walmart in the morning, and then took Missy parking on the way home.
That pretty much sums up my Monday.
Ana please send me some of that rain.
L4L what a smart boy Per is. Congrats on his achievement.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
acebook
witter
Sorry you have to work over the holiday. Hope you enjoy the time with the dogs, anyway. 
