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T*G*I*F #1152019
05/24/18 07:05 PM
05/24/18 07:05 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
“Having a smoking section in a restaurant is like having a peeing section in a pool.”

~Bill Murray~
`````````````


Husband: “Soon we will be married for 10 years. I will get you a nice new car for our anniversary.”
-
Wife: “Oh darling. Nothing would please me more!”

And so the husband got her nothing for the anniversary.

```````

My wife and I have been married for 43 years and we've never even thought about a divorce. Murder, yes. But divorce, no.

``````

(In National Geographic narrator voice) Even though at first sight, they may seem cuddly, friendly and sweet, one must not forget that women are still dangerous predators.

```````

I shouted at my wife while she was in labor: "Push honey! Come on and push! You have to push harder!"
-
She said: “Stop talking to me you cretin!”
-
Well what did she expect? It's an old car and if she wants to get to the hospital we need to get it started somehow...

``````

I always take too long to notice when somebody’s flirting with me. Usually by the time I catch on, the person is married with 4 kids.

`````````

My wife packed up my bags and told me to get the hell out and never come back.

As I was walking to my car, she yelled at me from the door,

"I hope you die a slow and horrible death, you moron!"

"Oh," I said, "so now you want me back?"

``````

When did you get to know your wife?
-
Sadly, about a week after the wedding.

`````

My wife came to me all happy, saying, “Look darling, you got me this 40 years ago on our honeymoon, and it still fits!”

I love her so I let it pass. It was a scarf.

``````

My girlfriend said she expected me to treat her like a princess.

Very well, I married her to a weird guy old enough to be her grandpa to strengthen my business alliance with Germany.

``````

A woman is at a doctor after her husband’s check-up.

The doctor looks serious and says, “Mrs Connelly, your husband is very sick. He needs to rest and to not get upset. I will prescribe you some sleeping pills.”

“Ok,” nods Mrs Connelly, “and how often should he take those?”

“Oh, they’re not for him, Mrs Connelly, they’re for you.”

``````

My wife asked me how many women I slept with so far. I said, “Only you, my darling, only you. I was awake with all the rest of them.”

````

Husband leaves the house with the dog.
-
Wife asks: "Are you taking the donkey for a walk?"
-
Husband: "You mean the dog, right?"
-
Wife: "Shush, I am talking to the dog!"

```````

That awkward moment, one year into your marriage, when you realize the husband-wife jokes weren’t all jokes…

``````

Good Friday morning everyboomie. yay


I'm sitting here waiting for the heat to go down, so I can go out and mow the lawn again. blech


I think I might quit wishing for more rain. shocked


It's almost 90 degrees out there now (6:00). slapforehead


Beau came over this evening to spend a day with us, so it's a little less boring for Missy. lol


No plans for my Friday except to go parking with the pups. lab


Have a happy day everyone. thumbsup


joe


There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: T*G*I*F [Re: gymcandy1] #1152040
05/24/18 10:52 PM
05/24/18 10:52 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,268
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,268
In the Naughty Corner
We finally have heat here! It was 87 today! WooHoo!

Enjoy Beau, Joe! Do they sleep in bed with you?

Have a happy day, all! I have a light day today but staggered so I'll be able to go grocery shopping in between appointments.
I'm hoping the plumber can fix my plumbing! I'm way out of clothes!

Ana wave


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: T*G*I*F [Re: gymcandy1] #1152044
05/24/18 11:06 PM
05/24/18 11:06 PM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist
venus  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Have fun with Beau and Missy, Joe. puppy

Enjoy your light day, Ana. Hope your plumbing is fixed soon!

Enjoy your 4 day weekend, soot! joy

It's Thursday night, and I'm off to sleep. I have to work tomorrow, but it should be a fairly short day. thumbsup

Have a great Friday, everyone. spring


Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?
Re: T*G*I*F [Re: gymcandy1] #1152056
05/25/18 06:48 AM
05/25/18 06:48 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
connie Offline
Graduate Boomer
connie  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone, have a Super TGIF. Ana, I hope your plumbing is fixed soonest. Danish, Eggs, Grits, Bacon, Hash Browns, BB Pancakes, and French Toast in the NC. spring


Connie
Re: T*G*I*F [Re: gymcandy1] #1152083
05/25/18 10:34 AM
05/25/18 10:34 AM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 37,658
Alabama
soot Offline
Puzzled Moderator
soot  Offline
Puzzled Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 37,658
Alabama
Hey Ho Joe Ana Venus Connie and the rest of the gang when you are up and at em joy

Yes indeedy it's official!

It's TGIF, one of my favorite days of the week!

We're going to see Solo: A Star Wars Story this afternoon happydance

Enjoy your light day Ana; I'm hoping the plumber gets you fixed too! I may have some plumbing work in my future too...it's seems a leak is developing between/under the kitchen sink and dishwasher think

Short n' sweet days are great Venus...it'll be nice to knock off early.

Morning Connie laugh Sorry to hear you had a wet n' rainy mini vacation; hope you were able to enjoy some of the time

L4L hearts

Have a great Friday everybody wave2


Dan
...
To learn, read...To know, write...To master, teach...To live, play games & listen to whale music Stay Smart & Stay Safe
Re: T*G*I*F [Re: gymcandy1] #1152103
05/25/18 02:32 PM
05/25/18 02:32 PM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist
Sorta Blonde  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Good news around here! My friend/neighbor whose hubby moved in his girlfriend and my friend moved next door into her mother's house and finally got a divorce got great news today. Divorce was fairly easy since hubby avoided the process servers and it went through without him. She asked for nothing from him except to sell the family house and split the profits. Since he didn't respond to the divorce papers (and claimed later he had no idea...duh) everything went fast.

THEN the family home was listed by a Realtor who specializes in 'cash only/as is' sales. Nice guy, but not so optimistic about the property of a nice 1942 2 bedroom on a huge lot, since the hubby was a pack-rat, buying and selling stuff and filling up the house and yard and 2 garages (his and the mother-in-law's) with all his stuff. So when people came to look at the property, all they saw was STUFF. One calculated it would take about 7 dumpsters just to clear the yard.

So after several prospects ONE came back more than a few times, negotiated about the clean up problems and finally made an offer 2 days ago. My friend immediately signed but the hubby again avoided the entire thing. This was a must sell now case since hubby didn't pay the mortgage for about 7 months now and the house was being foreclosed on July 4th. Oh boy.

So all day yesterday the Realtor tried to get an E-signature from him. Easy thing. But hubby kept giving excuses about 'couldn't see the phone screen clearly, wasn't home, had to take dad to emergency room, blah blah. BUT today, HE SIGNED! We are all thrilled. House immediately is in Escrow and it should be a few weeks if all goes well. Then hubby and girlfriend and Dad and older son, and 2 dogs and ALL their junk will have to go.

My next door neighbor lady and I plan to put up lawn chairs on her front lawn and watch him go. He's not a nice guy. It's not a case of he said/she said marriage troubles. It's she's in a wheelchair after a major stroke in her late 30s and he got a girlfriend 3 years ago, quit or got fired from a good job, moved the girlfriend into the family home, managed to get the older son (21) to shun his mother completely, and make life miserable for the now ex-wife as they live side-by-side.

It's fun to watch, but sad. Gives the entire neighborhood something to do when the 'happy couple' get into fights (frequent). They scream and yell and throw things at each other and vandalize each other's cars. Oh the joy of it all. AND she keeps coming back and he takes her back. They deserve each other I think.

Not too much longer and they will be gone. Can hardly wait! joy

New Info: The realtor called with very bad news. Seems that they started Escrow immediately and found a ton of liens on the property. Not just little stuff which included trash, utilities, water liens for non-payment, BUT Federal Income Tax Liens amounting to $50,000. And then more liens of over $39,000 for lots of other stuff that we will find out later. That means that even if the sale goes through, it won't produce enough profit to pay it all. The hubby called ex-wife after he got the call from the realtor and essentially told her that he was done with all this, letting it go to foreclosure and that's done. What a mess! Waiting for realtor to crunch numbers and come up with a plan. Crossing fingers and toes that it can be solved and maybe that all those tax debts are only in the hubby's name. Ugh!

Last edited by Sorta Blonde; 05/25/18 03:46 PM. Reason: Realtor Called

WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.
Re: T*G*I*F [Re: gymcandy1] #1152122
05/25/18 08:56 PM
05/25/18 08:56 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Oh Sorta, that's awful news.


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: T*G*I*F [Re: gymcandy1] #1152132
05/26/18 01:44 AM
05/26/18 01:44 AM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist
venus  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Good night, everyone. sleep


Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?
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