Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
-
Greg King
`````````
Dear Tech Support,
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a
distinct slowdown in overall system performance, particularly in the flower
and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. In
addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as
Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable
programs such as: NBA 5.0, NFL 3.0 and Golf Clubs 4.1.
Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and House cleaning 2.6 simply crashes the
system. Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these
problems, but to no avail.
What can I do?
Signed, Desperate
The response (that came weeks later out of the blue):
Dear Desperate,
First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband
1.0 is an operating system. Please enter command: I thought you loved
me.html and try to download Tears 6.2. Do not forget to install the Guilt
3.0 update. If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then
automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.
However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to
default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1. Please note that
Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Farting and Snoring
Loudly Beta version. Whatever you do, DO NOT, under any circumstances,
install Mother-In-Law 1.0 as it runs a virus in the background that will
eventually seize control of all your system resources. In addition, please
do not attempt to re-install the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are
unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.
In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory
and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying
additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend Cooking
3.0.
`````````
Why did the teacher have to visit the eye specialist?
-
She just couldn't control her pupils!
``````
Teacher: Class, this morning, we will have only half a day of school.
-
Class: Yaaaaay!
-
Teacher: We enjoy the other half this afternoon!
``````
Raphael runs to his father and starts talking to him urgently, “Dad, dad…”
-
His father turns to him angrily and says, “I’ve had it with you constantly interrupting me. From now on you’ll speak only when I’ve asked you something!”
-
Raphael thinks for a second and continues, “OK dad, can you please ask me if you’ve forgotten to put in the handbrake and if your car is now rolling down the road?”
``````
What weighs more, a ton of bricks or a ton of feathers?
-
A: Neither of them, they both weigh a ton!
```````
Q: What do you get when you crossbreed a refrigerator and a guitar?
-
A: Some really cool music.
`````
Mommy, do you know if God has to go to the toilet too?
No child. Of course not. What makes you think this way?
Well grandpa knocked on the bathroom door this morning and said: “Oh God! Please hurry up!”
`````
A man arrived in a small country town on Friday. He stayed there for three days and then left on Friday. How is that possible?
-
His horse was called Friday!
````````
What button is it impossible to unbutton?
-
The belly button!
````````
A guy is stopped on the road by traffic police. The police officer asks him to open his trunk – and sees 2 penguins sitting inside. The officer is shocked and says to the guy, “Sir, you’ve got to takes those two to the Zoo right away!” The guy agrees and leaves.
The next day – same place, same police officer – he is stopped again. The officer again asks him to open his trunk, and to his confusion, there are the two penguins sitting again, today with swimming hats on their heads. The officer says, “I told you yesterday that you have to take them to the Zoo, didn’t I?!”
“And I did take them to the Zoo, just like you said. And today we’re going swimming.”
`````
What did 0 say to 8?
-
Hey, nice belt!
`````
Q: What can you serve but should never eat?
-
A: A tennis ball.
`````````
Good morning everyboomie.
I was running around all day yesterday thinking it was Saturday.
This is not Sunday right?
I went to the sod farm, and was back by 11:30 with empty pockets.
I didn't even leave until 8:00.
As soon as I got there I could see they didn't get the rain we got here. Water won't stretch that far.
I kill me.
There was enough rain there but too much grass, and not enough bare ground to find much.
I've gotta find more places to hunt.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
acebook
witter
Wishing you all a Happy Day! 
