Those are my principles, and if you don’t like them… well, I have others.
-
~Groucho Marx~
``````````````
Chuck Norris's daughter lost her virginity. He got it back the next day.
````````
Chuck Norris went skydiving and his parachute didn’t open. He went back to the store the following day to claim a refund.
`````
Chuck Norris has been to Mars already; he’s the reason there are no signs of life.
``````
Mr. Norris doesn't use condoms. There is no protection against Chuck Norris.
``````
Chuck Norris was born to his aunt because nobody would dare to date his mother.
````
There was a rumor circulating once that Chuck Norris lost a fight with a pirate. That is naturally nonsense. It turned out that Chuck Norris started this rumor himself to attract more pirates.
``````
Chuck Norris had a word with Kim Jong Un. Kim is now preparing his people for an even dearer leader.
``````
Chuck Norris can rob a bank - through phone banking!
`````
Chuck Norris doesn't die...he just naps in the ground for a bit.
````
It doesn’t matter what Chuck Norris cooks when he asks you over. It just tastes divine!!
`````
Chuck Norris only drinks from a straw. It is impossible for him to unclench his fists and hold a glass.
``````
Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. His descendants are known today as giraffes.
``````
There is no use crying over spilt milk. Unless, of course, that milk belonged to Chuck Norris.
`````
Even though he can, naturally, Chuck Norris never swims, the water holds Chuck Norris up.
````````
What is the last thing that goes through the head of any Chuck Norris victim? His foot.
`````````
Good morning everyboomie.
What, you thought there'd be no more Chuck Norris jokes?
I never knew Chuck was such a big business.
The man is an industry AND an institution.
His body is an instrument.
His every utterance an instagram.
His smile, instant gratification.
I'm going to cut my fingers off now.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
acebook
witter
Joe! You crack me up! Hope today brings you fun opportunities! 
