Roses are red, violets are blue, I’m a schizophrenic and so am I.
-
~Bill Murray~
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When my baby granddaughter LeeAnn came home from the hospital, the aunts, uncles and cousins were there to greet her.
I showed her cousin Alex the baby and told him, “This is Grandma’s girl.”
Alex replied, “You are not her grandma; she doesn’t even know you.”
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I was walking along a back road when two bunnies suddenly leapt into the air and landed one on top of the other. To my astonishment, I saw that one had pushed the other onto a stout groundhog.
In disgust, he lifted his nose with a grunt and a distinct
snarl, as if to say, “These rabbits nowadays! What do they teach their children?”
After the startled and likely embarrassed bunnies scuttled away, the groundhog stayed in the same position for a few moments before waddling off, still in a huff. I’ll never forget that woodchuck’s shocked face!
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My 2 1/2-year-old grandson,
Sam, brought a coloring book
to me and said, “Read it.”
I proceeded to make up
words to go with each page. When I finished “reading,” Sam said, “I don’t think I’ve heard that story before.”
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When I told my son where milk comes from, he asked, “Mama, how
do the cows sit on those little bottles?”
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A little girl climbed up onto her grandfather’s lap and asked, “Did God make me?”
“Yes,” the grandpa replied.
“Did he make you, too?”
“Yes.”
“Well,” the girl said, looking
at his wrinkles and thinning hair, “he sure is doing a better job nowadays!”
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On Easter one year, I got to see my 5-year-old granddaughter, Julia. I wore my best suit for
the holiday.
Julia said, “Grandpa, you look so handsome today. Did you take a shower?”
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My niece made some food for another family at church. She prayed over it, asking the kids
if they’d like to add anything. Her 3-year-old daughter, Boston, said, “Thank you, God, that we didn’t give them all of our food.”
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In the late ’50s I was working construction, leveling the corner of a house that we had jacked about 4 inches above the ground. One of the jacks slipped and the house came down with a loud bang.
The next thing we knew,
the owner, who was a minister, ran out and looked up at the
sky. “I thought the Lord was coming!” he told us. We all had a good laugh.
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My 3-year-old granddaughter, Sydney, told my husband, Ted, and me that she was going fishing with her dad. Ted asked if she was going to use worms. “No,” she said. “I’m going to use a fishing pole.”
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A young man was planting some flower seeds on a sweltering day, sweating from the hot sun.
His neighbor said, “You need to wait until the sun goes down, or plant in the morning when it is coolest.”
The man said, “I can’t do that. It says on the package, ‘Plant in full sun!’ ”
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My daughter Pam sent me
this message: “Things never
to do list. Go grocery shopping and forget you put eggs in your hoodie pocket after collecting them from the chickens, then lean against the meat counter.
It makes a mess!”
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Shortly after we moved to rural South Carolina, we found out Clemson Ag Extension was selling all sorts of berry and fruit trees at great rates. We needed quite a few things because the property we bought was cleared cow pasture and, besides a huge pecan tree, had no other trees on it.
So I ordered blueberry and blackberry bushes and apple, peach and pear trees. When it came time to pick up the order, my friend called to ask if I could pick hers up, too. I told her we’d better take two trucks.
When I got to the extension office I was shocked to find the pickup area empty except for some little bundles of twigs tied with string. I asked where my order was and the attendant led me to one of those bundles. They were bare root cuttings, which take up very little space.
I could lift mine in one hand.
I mentioned to the attendant that I felt silly bringing a truck to pick up the order. It was then that I noticed a man behind me. He ruefully stated, “Don’t feel bad; I brought a trailer.”
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After dinner one night, I asked my son Jimmy to fetch a broom from the back porch so I could sweep the floor. Complaining,
he said, “But it’s dark out there. I’m afraid.”
I said to him, “It’s OK, God will protect you.” Slowly Jimmy opened the porch door and said, “God, if you’re out there, would you hand me the broom?”
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When weeding your garden, there’s an easy way to tell the difference between a weed and a vegetable or flower. Pull on it, and if it doesn’t come up, it’s a weed. But if it comes out easily, it’s not.
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Good morning everyboomie.
Welcome to the new week!
I really hope this one is wetter than the last one.
Not holding my breath though.
Actually we have a 60% and 50% chance for the next two days.
Still not holding my breath.
On the positive side, the glass is half full. I'm just hoping it will be over-flowing tomorrow.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
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witter
No 3 day weekends for me this time, I'm afraid. 
