“Chips have little nutritional value. That’s why you need to eat the whole bag.”
–
~Bill Murray~
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I have no respect for gangs today. They just drive by and shoot people. At least in the old days, like in West Side Story, the gangs used to dance and sing with each other first.
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My grandfather was sipping a beer when he confessed to me he'd drunk more than usual the day before. "What's more than usual?" I asked.
"A case."
"You can drink a case in a day?!"
"Well," he grumbled defensively, "it doesn't take all day."
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I was feeling pretty creaky after hearing the TV reporter say, "To contact me, go to my Facebook page, follow me on Twitter, or try me the old-fashioned way-e-mail."
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For her 40th birthday, my wife said, "I'd love to be ten again." So that Saturday, we had a heaping stack of chocolate-chip pancakes, her favorite childhood breakfast. Then we hit the playground and a merry-go-round. We finished the day with a banana split.
"So how did you enjoy being a kid for a day?" I asked.
"Great," she said. "But when I said I wanted to be ten again, I meant my dress size."
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Our favorite museum in town displays quilts from around the country. When I visited recently, I asked the woman at the front desk about a senior discount. It wasn't to be.
"Sir," she said, "this is a quilt museum. We give discounts to teenagers."
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My nine-year-old daughter walked in while I was getting ready for work. "What are you doing?" she asked.
"Putting on my wrinkle cream," I answered.
"Oh," she said, walking away. "I thought they were natural."
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My 45-year-old sister was attending the wedding of a childhood friend when she ran into people she hadn't seen in years. How long exactly? One of them shouted, "Kathy, you got your braces off!"
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In January, my wife, a physician, met with an elderly patient. "So was Santa good to you?" she asked.
"Real good," he said. "I got an SUV."
"Nice."
"Yeah … Socks, Underwear, and Viagra."
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I've always been a disappointment. When I was five, I looked down at the crayons I was coloring with and sighed—when I was two, this is not what I saw myself doing at five.
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An elderly shopper at our supermarket used a check to buy such items as cotton balls, cotton swabs, powder, and cold cream. On the memo line, she'd written, "Repairs."
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I knew that my husband's hearing had deteriorated after our friend—new to the city— asked where he could meet some singles. "Well," said my husband, "I see them in the Kmart parking lot diving for fries."
"Dear," I intervened. "Singles, not seagulls."
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At the restaurant, a sign read "Karaoke Tonight!" Grandma studied it before asking, "What kind of fish is that?"
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The sight of my mother cleaning her dentures fascinated my young son. He sat riveted as she carefully took them out, brushed and rinsed them, and then popped them back in. "Cool, Grandma!" he said. "Now take off your arm."
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Good morning everyboomie.
We got RAIN last night!!
About 15 whole minutes worth.
Oh well, the yard got watered good, so I need to mow again.
woot woot
I've been walking around here all day thinking it was Friday already.
That means my show I was wanting to watch tonight, 12 Monkeys, is NOT on! Bummer!
I'm sure I'll find something else good to watch, like MyPillow Topper, or AirFryer Oven. They look exciting.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
acebook
witter
Happy Day wished for everyone! 
, Looney after you finish the oven and bake the bread put your feet up and grab a glass of wine. 
, Ana don't know how you do all that 
but wishing you sunshine and try and keep dry. 
