The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.
-
~George Carlin~
```````````````
In the hardware store, a
clerk asked, “Can I help you find
anything?”
“How about my misspent youth,” joked my husband.
The clerk shot back, “We keep that in the back, between world peace and winning lottery tickets.”
```````
A beggar approaches a grandmother at the beach with his hands out. “Please, Señora,” the poor man pleads, “I haven't eaten all day.”
“Good,” says the grandmother. “Now you won't have to worry about cramps when you go for a swim.”
`````
A week after John bought a bull, he complained to his friend, “All that bull does is eat grass. Won’t even look at a cow.”
“Take him to the vet,” his friend suggested.
The next week, John is much happier. “The vet gave him some pills, and the bull serviced all of my cows!” he told his pal. “Then he broke through the fence and bred with all my neighbor’s cows! He’s like a machine!”
“What kind of pills were they?” asked the friend.
“I don’t know, but they’ve got a peppermint taste.”
`````
Seeing her friend Sally wearing a new locket, Meg asks if there is a memento of some sort inside.
“Yes,” says Sally, “a lock of my husband’s hair.”
“But Larry’s still alive.”
“I know, but his hair is gone.”
`````
While my parents were making their funeral arrangements, the cemetery salesman pointed out a plot that he thought they would like. “You’ll have a beautiful view of the swan pond,” he assured them.
Dad wasn’t sold: “Unless you’re including a periscope with my casket, I don’t know how I’m going to enjoy it.”
````
She's only in her 40s, but my friend Mary has bounced back from cancer, heart problems, even a stroke. Through it all, she and her husband, Mark, have kept their sense of humor. One day she said, "You know what kills me ... ?"
Smiling, Mark teased, "Apparently nothing."
`````
While visiting a retirement community, my wife and I decided to do some shopping and soon became separated.
"Excuse me," I said, approaching a clerk. "I'm looking for my wife. She has white hair and is wearing white shoes."
Gesturing around the store, the clerk responded, "Take your pick."
````
Senior citizens have taken to texting with gusto. They even have their own vocabulary:
BFF: Best Friend Fainted
BYOT: Bring Your Own Teeth
CBM: Covered by Medicare
FWB: Friend with Beta-blockers
LMDO: Laughing My Dentures Out
GGPBL: Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low!
````````
Just as she was celebrating her 80th birthday, our friend received a jury-duty notice. She called the clerk's office to remind them that she was exempt because of her age.
"You need to come in and fill out the exemption forms," the clerk said.
"But I filled them out last year," she replied.
"You have to fill them out every year."
"Why? Do you think I'm getting younger?"
```````
We'd finally built our dream home, but the contractor had a concern: the placement of an atrium window for our walk-in shower. "I'm afraid your neighbors might have a good view of you au naturel," he said.
My middle-aged wife put him at ease. "Don't worry," she said. "They'll only look once."
````````
Good morning everyboomie.
We have a big storm brewing out there, and I'm gonna post this real quick in case I can't later.
Have a happy day ok?
joe
acebook
witter
Joe...did you get some rain? I hope so...have a great day!
maybe you can get one of those umbrella hats as you can't carry an umbrella?
Hope tomorrow goes just as well for you.
Everything went smoothly today with that project, and even though I had more projects today than the past two days, I got off a little earlier. 
and looney 
hope both have a yummy breakfast and super day.