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Saturdiner #1154811
06/22/18 07:03 PM
06/22/18 07:03 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.
-
~George Burns~
``````````````


At age 70, my grandfather bought his first riding lawn mower.

"This thing is great," he bragged to my brother. "It took me only an hour and a half to mow the lawn. It used to take your grandmother two days to do it all!"

`````

"Everything's starting to click for me!" said my father-in-law at dinner. "My knees, my elbows, my neck … "

`````

The day after visiting a fair, my wife was in agony. "You know you’re past your prime," she said, "when you hurt all over and all you rode was the massage chair."

`````

Retirement is the best thing that has happened to my brother-in-law.

"I never know what day of the week it is," he gloated. "All I know is, the day the big paper comes, I have to dress up and go to church."

````````

When I was in high school, I wore Birkenstocks. Or as I call them now, the '90s version of a purity ring.

``````

If you understand English, press 1. If you do not understand English, press 2.

Recording on an Australian tax help line

``````

My friend, an intern, was given $50 to get the chairman of the bank some lunch. Told to get himself something, he bought a shirt.

```````

I was at the customer-service desk, returning a pair of jeans that was too tight.

“Was anything wrong with them?” the clerk asked.

“Yes,” I said. “They hurt my 
feelings.”

`````

My collection of vintage kitchen utensils includes one whose intended purpose was always a mystery. It looks like a cross between a metal slotted spoon and a spatula, so I 
use it as both. When not in use, it 
is prominently displayed in a 
decorative ceramic utensil caddy 
in my kitchen.

The mystery of the spoon/spatula was recently solved when I found one in its original packaging at 
a rummage sale.

It’s a pooper-scooper.

```````

Girl: Ick! Why does this sandwich have bacon on it?

Friend: You ordered a BLT.

Girl: Whaaaat? I thought the B stood for bread.

``````

While I was out to lunch, my coworker answered my phone and told the caller that I would be back 
in 20 minutes. The woman asked, 
“Is that 20 minutes Central Standard Time?”

```````

At an art gallery, a woman and her ten-year-old son were having 
a tough time choosing between one of my paintings and another artist’s work. They finally went with mine.

“I guess you decided you prefer an autumn scene to a floral,” I said.

“No,” said the boy. “Your painting’s wider, so it’ll cover three holes in 
our wall.”

```````

Client: Please remove the unnecessary circle at the end of the sentence.

Me: You mean … the period?

Client: I don’t care what you designers call it; it is unsightly. Delete it.

``````

When asked for his name by the coffee shop clerk, my brother-in-law answered, “Marc, with a C.” Minutes later, he was handed his coffee with his name written on the side: Cark.

`````

I guess this is what happens after you’ve worked at the same place for a while. I was eating at a fast-food restaurant when an employee began his shift by walking into the kitchen area and calling out, “Honey, I’m home!”

`````

Before google, there were librarians. Here are some queries posed to the poor, suffering staff of public libraries:

• A woman wanted “inspirational material on grass and lawns.”

• “Who built the English Channel?”

• “Is there a full moon every night in Acapulco?”

• “Music suitable for a doll wedding to take place between a Shirley 
Temple doll and a teddy bear.”

• “Can the New York Public Library recommend a good forger?”

``````

Honest Brand Slogans

Hallmark: “When you care enough to give a card mass-produced by 
a corporation.”

Ritz crackers: “Tiny, edible plates.”

CliffsNotes: “They’re still going to know you didn’t read the book.”

Gillette: “We’re just going to keep adding blades.”

ChapStick: “You’ll misplace it before the tube’s empty.”

Hot Pockets: “Every bite is a different temperature.”

```````

Client to designer: “It doesn’t really look purple. It looks more like a mixture of red and blue.”

```````

Don’t get upset if I ask you 
where something is in Target when you choose to wear a red shirt and khakis to shop.

``````

Good morning everyboomie. wave2


Welcome to the weekend! joy


We hit the lottery today. A big old storm rolled up and parked over us this morning at 9:30. We got about 40 minutes of good hard rain. hamster


It's sunny and 91 degrees now. rolleyes


Steamy. razz


I'm sure I'll be out mowing at some point tomorrow. slapforehead


Have a great day everyone. thumbsup


joe


There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #1154826
06/22/18 11:41 PM
06/22/18 11:41 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,268
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,268
In the Naughty Corner
Well, we are so flooded here! Craziness! Enough rain already. I just got home from work, long day but fun. Sister came in for my race tomorrow and we had a lovely dinner by the river and then a riverfront walk with my last dog I needed to tuck in.

Back to work early am and then off to my Spartan Race. Could use some positive vibes for us to get through! hearts

Have a happy day all!


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #1154829
06/23/18 12:00 AM
06/23/18 12:00 AM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist
venus  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Joe, it seems as though the lawn mowing never ends for you. crazy Hope you get some relaxing time, too.

luck with the Spartan Race, Ana! Hope all goes well!

It's Friday night, and I'm off to sleep. It's a singing and gaming day for me tomorrow. happydance Finally. grin

Have a great Saturday, everyone. summer


Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?
Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #1154833
06/23/18 05:59 AM
06/23/18 05:59 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
Kaki's Sister Offline
Sonic Boomer
Kaki's Sister  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
Good Morning Joe, Ana, venus and all. Joe maybe some arrow heads will get washed up by the rain! Ana Good Luck to you! Spartan Races are super challenging! Positive vibes and energy coming your way! Venus enjoy your gaming and singing time. I'm off to grocery shop for my friend and neighbor who can't do it for herself. Hubby and I get her paper and mail every day too. It's a good feeling to help someone in need. Coffee and tea are ready.
summer Wishing you all a Happy Fun day! summer


Gerry
Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #1154837
06/23/18 08:05 AM
06/23/18 08:05 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
connie Offline
Graduate Boomer
connie  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone, have a Great Saturday. Ana positive vibes for the Spartan race. Shopping with Robert today. Danish, Eggs, Grits, Hash Browns, BB Pancakes, Sausage, Bacon, and French Toast in the NC. summer


Connie
Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #1154838
06/23/18 08:10 AM
06/23/18 08:10 AM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,268
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,268
In the Naughty Corner
Good morning venus, Gerry and Connie! Thanks for the support! The course is flooded and 9 miles of mud! lol It will be my 5th Spartan Race! My sister and I will crush it! hearts


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #1154848
06/23/18 10:41 AM
06/23/18 10:41 AM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Super Saturday ya'll puppy

Just back from a nice ramble around the neighborhood. It was hot, but on some stretches we had a glorious breeze. Showered up, breakfast on the stove, and time to sit and surf and sip for a sec.

Cully is talking about a b'ball game tonight. Sounds like a good deal for the guys...but the heat will likely keep me inside.

Joe, have fun mowing. I think you should buy a goat or two.

Ana, luck

Have a fun day, Venus.

Gerry, what a blessing you are to your neighbor.

Connie, I'm heading for the hashbrowns. Thanks


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #1154850
06/23/18 11:07 AM
06/23/18 11:07 AM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 37,661
Alabama
soot Offline
Puzzled Moderator
soot  Offline
Puzzled Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 37,661
Alabama
Good morning Joe...yes the weekend is here and I ready for a break and relaxation; glad to hear you got some good rain; you and me both will be out mowing at some point this weekend laugh

Positive vibes headed your way Ana for the Spartan Race luck

woot Singing and gaming sound like a fun day in store for you Venus...enjoy!

That's very nice to do that Gerry yes

Have fun shopping Connie

I have time today for eggs over easy, hash browns, sausage and coffee please

Hey Ho L4L air conditioning sounds like a good game plan flowers

It's time for some gardening and then Saturday projects and chores

Have a wonderful day everyone wave2


Dan
...
To learn, read...To know, write...To master, teach...To live, play games & listen to whale music Stay Smart & Stay Safe
Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #1154871
06/23/18 09:39 PM
06/23/18 09:39 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,268
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,268
In the Naughty Corner
Gerry, that is very nice of you to help your neighbor, indeed! There needs to be more of that in the world!

soot, did you get the mowing done?

L4L, are you enjoying a quiet evening with the boys out?

8 inches of rain destroyed our race course and I've never trudged in so much ankle to mid calf mud in my life. About 8 of the 10.2 miles were major mud and that wasn't counting 36 obstacles. We kicked some serious butt out there! I am finally eating first time since 7 am and then I go back to work. lol I do not feel like taking a long walk tonight! rotfl

Ana


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #1154872
06/23/18 09:50 PM
06/23/18 09:50 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Goodness, Ana, you are awesome!

Boys are still here....They've pretty much been here since the beginning of April. I fully expect they will be here all summer with the occasional 12-24 hour visit with mom.

Off to bed with me. Sweet dreams wavegirl


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #1154877
06/23/18 11:41 PM
06/23/18 11:41 PM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist
venus  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Wow, great job, Ana! rah I don't blame you for not wanting to take a long walk now. grin

Good night, everyone. sleep


Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?
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