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Tuesday's #1155022
06/25/18 08:23 PM
06/25/18 08:23 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
I don’t want to brag, but I do speak pig Latin; I mean, I’m not fluent, but I’m sure 
if I ever went there, I could get by.

~Bonnie McFarlane~
``````````````````



When Relatives Attack

There is nothing more awkward than the moment you realize you’re getting a double-cheek kiss.

``````

After i-messaging back and forth with my wife, I jokingly commanded Siri to pass along this message: “You need to get back to work now; you have a husband to support.”

Here’s what Siri sent: “You need 
to get back to work now; you have 
a has-been to support.”

```````

I’m driving with this guy, and 
he runs right through a Stop sign. So 
I say, “Hey, that was a Stop sign.” And he says, “I drive like my brother!”

A few blocks later, he plows right through a red light. I say, “You just ran a red light.” And he says, “I drive like my brother!”

So now we’re coming up on a green light, and he slows down. I’m confused, so I say, “It’s green; why are you slowing down?”

He says, “My brother might be coming.”

````````

My five-year-old, Matt, worked with a speech therapist on the ch sound, which came out k. The 
therapist asked him to say chicken. He responded with kitchen. They tried again and again, but it always came out kitchen. Undeterred, she pushed him for one more try. Matt sighed and said, “Why don’t we 
just call it a duck?”

```````

I put so much more effort into naming my first Wi-Fi than my 
first child.

`````

Try as she might, our granddaughter couldn’t grasp the concept of potty training. Then one day … Success! Jumping up and down, 
she threw her arms in the air 
and yelled in excitement, “I went potty all by myself, and now I can 
go to Harvard!”

```````

“Has your son decided what 
he wants to be when he grows up?” 
I asked my friend.

“He wants to be a garbageman,” 
he replied.

“That’s an unusual ambition to have at such a young age.”

“Not really. He thinks that garbagemen work only on Tuesdays.”

`````

We use a really strong sunblock when we go to the beach with the kids. It’s SPF 80: You squeeze the tube, and a sweater comes out.

``````

My 11-year-old grandson spent 
a beautiful Saturday playing video games. His older sister tried coaxing him outside by warning, “Someday, you’re going to be 30 years old, single, and living in Mom’s basement playing video games all day!”

His reply: “I can only dream.”

``````

I got my first full-time job, but I could have sworn I was making more money in college, working for my parents as their daughter.

Melanie Reno

````````

Hanging up with my 90-year-old mother, I sighed, then said to 
my 96-year-old uncle, “She’s so 
stubborn.”

He shook his head sympathetically and warned, “You’re going to have trouble with her when she gets old.”

```````

A Scottish mother visits her 
son in his New York City apartment and asks, “How do you find the Americans, Donald?”

“Mother,” says Donald, “they’re such noisy people. One neighbor won’t stop banging his head against the wall, while the other screams and screams all night long.”

“Oh, Donald! How do you manage to put up with them?”

“What can I do? I just lie in bed quietly, playing my bagpipes.”

```````````

“Has your diet changed?” 
I asked an 87-year-old woman I was admitting into the hospital.

“Yes,” she said. “For Lent, I gave 
up whipped cream on my Jell-O, hard candy, and my two beers a night. [Pause] And look where it’s gotten me.”

``````

The latest parenting fads, 
according to the Onion:

• Couples are waiting to announce their pregnancy until after their child has graduated college and become 
a partner in a successful law firm.

• Parents are choosing not to learn the gender of their obstetrician.

• As part of the new Infinity Womb trend, women are using a wide range of Lamaze, strength-training, and yoga techniques to forcefully prevent their children from ever leaving their wombs, forever protecting them from the harsh realities of the world.

`````

The cool part about naming 
your kid is you don’t have to add 
six numbers to make sure the name 
is available.

@billmurray

````````

Texting acronyms can stump even the best parents:

Mom: Your great-aunt just passed away. LOL.

Son: Why is that funny?

Mom: It’s not funny, David! What do you mean?

Son: Mom, LOL means Laughing Out Loud.

Mom: I thought it meant Lots 
of Love. I have to call everyone back.

~

Daughter: I got an A in Chemistry.

Mom: WTF!

Daughter: Mom, what do you think WTF means?

Mom: Well That’s Fantastic.

~
Mom: What do IDK, LY & TTYL mean?

Son: I don’t know, love you, talk to you later.

Mom: OK, I will ask your sister.

`````````

Good morning everyboomie. wave2


It's not the weekend yet is it? headscratch


All I know is they're all sunny and hot........eventually. I mean we've been having some morning thunderstorms every day for the past 4 days, but after that heats up fast. We had rain this morning starting at about 5:00, and of course I had to keep assuring Missy that the house wasn't going to blow away. puppy


She's a smart girl too. She kept shaking really bad to help me stay awake so I could protect her. blush


Ah the night life. snicker


Have a super Tuesday everyone. yes


Don't forget to vote. thumbsup


joe


There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1155043
06/25/18 11:05 PM
06/25/18 11:05 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
Poor Missy! Merlin used to use a thundershirt. It helped a lot!

So, I got a call today from my doctor today to warn me not to run and gave me the number of a cardiologist to see this week based on my stress test. rotfl A little late to warn me since my race was last Saturday. Gotta love it!

Have a great day all!

Ana wave


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1155047
06/26/18 12:00 AM
06/26/18 12:00 AM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist
venus  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Sorry Missy got so scared, Joe. frown Hope she's feeling better now that the storm is over. puppy

Ana, well, at least your doctor tried. lol And at least you got to enjoy your race. grin Hope your stress has lessened since!

It's Monday night, and I'm off to sleep. It's back to work for me in the morning. I only have 3 stores to visit tomorrow, but one of them has 4 projects, so it might as well be 6 stores. lol At least I don't have to do as much driving as I would have if the projects had all been in separate stores. yes

Have a great Tuesday, everyone. summer


Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1155054
06/26/18 05:43 AM
06/26/18 05:43 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,110
Marlborough USA
Kaki's Sister Offline
Sonic Boomer
Kaki's Sister  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,110
Marlborough USA
Good Morning Joe, Ana, venus and all. Joe poor Missy. I don't like thunderstorms either! Ana I hope all is well with you. Did you make an appointment yet? Venus sounds like a busy day! Coffee and tea are ready.
lab Wishing you all a stress free day! lab


Gerry
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1155057
06/26/18 06:47 AM
06/26/18 06:47 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,021
winter springs fl.
connie Offline
Graduate Boomer
connie  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,021
winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone, have a Super Tuesday. Dinner, Dancing, and Karaoke at 8-8 Panda tonight. Danish, Eggs, Grits, Hash Browns, BB Pancakes, Bacon, and French Toast in the NC. summer


Connie
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1155091
06/26/18 11:54 AM
06/26/18 11:54 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist
Sorta Blonde  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Oh Ana, hope the stress stuff comes out OK when you see the cardiologist! Keeping fingers crossed for you.


WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1155094
06/26/18 12:16 PM
06/26/18 12:16 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama

Terrific Tuesday ya'll puppy

Seems like Monday to me as hubby was off yesterday. Must have seemed like Sunday to hubby's truck as it decided not to cooperater this morning. He popped back in and took my van. That meant I walked the neighborhood, which was fine 'cos we have shade.

Son and g'son are watching a Terminator movie. I have books to cook, but have to wait till the den quiets down.

Have a great day all.

wavegirl


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1155149
06/26/18 09:29 PM
06/26/18 09:29 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 37,661
Alabama
soot Offline
Puzzled Moderator
soot  Offline
Puzzled Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 37,661
Alabama
Tootin Toosday Joe Ana Venus Gerry Connie SortaB L4L and the rest of the Diner Gang laugh

Good Tuesday evening everyone...I'm off to Garden a bit and then it's time to sign off for the day

wishing you all a quiet evening.

wave2

sleep


Dan
...
To learn, read...To know, write...To master, teach...To live, play games & listen to whale music Stay Smart & Stay Safe
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1155158
06/26/18 10:28 PM
06/26/18 10:28 PM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist
venus  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Good night, everyone. sleep


Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1155167
06/26/18 11:05 PM
06/26/18 11:05 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
Nighty night..


Don't feed the Trolls
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