The closest a person ever comes to perfection is when he fills out a job application form.
Businessman Stanley Randall
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Funny HeadlinesA few months ago, Hamas
“arrested” a dolphin for being an
Israeli spy. Readers of Reason
magazine came up with titles for
the film this action might inspire:
• Orcapussy
• Free Schmuelly
• Goldflipper
• The Porpoise-Driven Life
• Dolphinfidel
```````
Spotted in the classifieds: “For sale: cemetery plot, $200, so
I don’t have to spend all eternity
beside my ex!”
```````
• “I Thought He Was Going to Kill Me”: One Woman’s Harrowing Misunderstanding of How Haircuts Work
• The 100 Worst Senators
• The World’s 10 Most Powerful Women: We Make Them Discuss Fashion and Lindsay Lohan
Source: The Onion Magazine: The Iconic Covers That Transformed an Undeserving World (Little, Brown)
``````
“Now hiring,” read the classified ad. “Cemetery superintendent. The ideal candidate must be able to supervise in a fast-paced environment.”
A. S., via Internet
```````
Just because the items in these classified ads are free doesn’t mean they’re worth it:
• Free: Piano with matching bench seat, very good condition, all keys work probably
Source: Gettysburg Area Merchandiser
• Free: 5 kitchen drawers, all matching naughty pine fronts
Source: Topeka Capital-Journal
• Free Vain Screening
Source: Boston Globe
• Free rent in exchange for elderly woman
Source: 11points.com
```````
We all make mistakes. Some
are just more public than others,
like these real newspaper typos:
“Here the bridal couple stood,
facing the floral setting, and exchanged cows.” Modesto News-Herald (California)
“It took many rabbits many years to write the Talmud.” Holland Evening Sentinel (Michigan)
“Mrs. ____ fell down stairs at her home this morning, breaking her myhodudududududududosy, and suffered painful injuries.” Ohio paper
“A headline in an item in the
Feb. 15th edition incorrectly stated ‘Stolen Groceries.’ It should have read: ‘Homicide.’” Enquirer-Bulletin
From Just My Typo, by Drummond Moir
(Three Rivers Press)
``````
Think the comments on Internet posts are tough? See what happened when the Washington Post asked its readers to write intentionally angry letters to actual headlines:
Headline: 20,000 Pound Pavement to Help Homeless
Response: “Are you people idiots? What the homeless need are homes, not ten tons of additional pavement!”
Headline: Maryland Agrees to
Tobacco Settlement
Response: “Well, that’s all we
need—an entire settlement of people devoted to their cancer sticks. What’s next, a drunk-driving commune?”
Headline: C.C. United Se Une
Hoy a Campana Solidaria Pro
Centroamerica
Response: “I was disgusted with
the sloppy spelling for [this] article. There were so many typos, I couldn’t understand a word.”
From gcfl.net
``````````
•Firefighters Use Jaws of Life to Free High School Girl from Locker
•FDA Approves Third Silicone-Gel Breast Implant
•Missing Woman Unwittingly Joins Search Party Looking for Herself
•Woman’s “Stomach Bug” Actually Baby
Sources: Ottawa Citizen (Canada), ctpost.com, Associated Press, Toronto Sun
```````
A headline in my local newspaper: “Appleton Airport May Soon Be Known as Appleton Airport.”
Allison Nastoff, Brookfield, Wisconsin
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Journalists and editors on deadline make the occasional error. Some are funnier than others:
• NBC reported that American students rank internationally at: “26th math, 21th science, 17th reading.”
• Britain’s Sky News showed the
importance of punctuation: “Top
stories: World leaders at Mandela tribute, Obama–Castro handshake and same-sex marriage date set.”
• A retraction from Wired: “A previous version of this story incorrectly quoted Dropbox cofounder Drew Houston saying ‘anyone with nipples’ instead of ‘anyone with a pulse.’”
Sources: jonathanturley.org, Washington Times, poynter.org
```````````
First Microbes Breathed Sulfur Before It Was Cool
Washington Post
``````
Stolen Prosthetic Arm Discovered in a Secondhand Shop
Daily Echo, England
``````
Good morning everyboomie.
How is everyone doing this fine Thursday?
This morning...Wednesday...I jumped on my trusty mower and mowed half the yard. After that, I took Missy parking.
Most of the rest of the day I spent gaming.
My copy of Bioshock was so scratched up it wouldn't play anymore, so I bought another copy on Ebay, and I've been enjoying the heck out of it, you betcha' big daddy!
I hope your Thursday is a cool one.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
acebook
witter
A Happy day wished for all Boomers! 
Someone was supposed to come out Saturday to look at it, but it looks as though we're going to have to call them again and tell them not to come out. This has happened before when we've called them, it comes back on, and when they get here, they tell us there's nothing they can do. The internet has been going out frequently lately, but this is the longest I've seen it last so far. When the contract with this company is over, we're switching to another company for sure. I've never dealt with this many problems with anyone else.
Two projects were removed, probably because I was never shipped the materials I needed, so I was able to rearrange my schedule. I wanted to take a 3 day weekend, but there's a project I can't move on Friday, so it had to be today. Better than nothing. 
Hope everyone is having a great Thursday. 
Great news Ana...keeping you in our thoughts and prayers