Replace each letter with the letter that comes either BEFORE or AFTER it in the alphabet. For example, you would replace N with either M or O. Once done, you'll have a fine quote.

-1. MDUDS FWBHFFSZUD XNTQ EBVMUT - KFBWD SIZU GPS ZNTS ESJDOCT.
-2. DFNSHRS: B ODQRNM NE MNX SBRUD, LPSF HMSDQDRUDC HO GJNRFKG UIBM LD.
-3. OFWDS GPSHFS XIBU B LBM TBZT UP XPV XIFO GD JT BOHSZ.
-4. WZBBSHPM JR XIBS ZNT SZLD VIDO XPT DBO'S SZJF VIBU ZPV'WD CDFO SBJJOF BOX MNOFFS.
-5. LZO CKBLDR EZSD GNQ PSGDS BDBHCFMST AVU GFDKR OFQTPOBMKX QDRQPMRJAMF VIDO GD LZLFT Z GPMF-HM-PMD.

3. Never forget what a man says to you when he is angry.

1. Never exaggerate your faults - leave that for your friends.

Good ones!

2. egotist: a person of low taste, more interested in himself than me

4. Vacation is what you take when you can't take what you've been taking any longer.

I take it you liked that one.

5. Man blames fate for other accidents but feels personally responsible when he makes a hole-in-one.

You did it, Koala!