My kitchen floor is sticky, and
I had to do something about it. So finally I went out and bought some slippers.
~Sarah Silverman~
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Never text Dad for helpDaughter: Dad there’s a moth on the outside of the bathroom door. Can you get rid of it?
Daughter: Please hurry because I’m going to cry.
Daughter: Dad…
Daughter: Dad…
Dad: Dad is dead. You’re next. Love, Moth
```````
Drive safeI saw a driver texting and driving.
It made me so mad I threw my beer at him.
``````
Not again, autocorrect!Autocorrect has become my worst enema.
``````
Thanks to autocorrect, 1 in 5 children will be getting a visit from Satan this Christmas.
`````
Fishy text"I feel like carp today"
"Yeah, you look a little fishy"
`````````
Hungary text"I am hungary."
"Maybe you should czech the fridge."
"I'm russian to the kitchen."
"Is there any turkey?"
"We have some, but it's covered in greece"
"ew, there's norway I'd eat that!"
```````
Anyone who thinks "talk is cheap"...
obviously didn't pay my daughter's last mobile phone bill!
```````
The guy who invented predictive text died last night.
His funfair is next monkey.
`````
Check pleaseThe guy who invented auto-correct for smart phones passed away today.
Restaurant in peace.
````````
Q: What do you call an iPhone that isn't kidding around?
A: Dead Siri-ous
``````
Q: Why was the cell phone wearing glasses?
A: It lost its contacts.
```````
You know you're texting too much when...
You type ppl instead of people in a letter.
```````
You know you're texting too much when...
...you try to text, but you're on a landline.
``````
You know you're texting too much when...
...you're happy when you get stopped at a red light.
``````
You know you're texting too much when...
...you say LOL in real life, instead of just laughing.
```````
Good morning everyboomie.
Welcome to the weekend!!
We are having some weather tonight. It took me a half hour just to get here.
Looks like I'll get all the way through with my little post though.
Ana yes! I am completely ready for Josh's visit.....emotionally.
I don't really remember doing much at all today.
I just remember being very confused, and not knowing where I was.
Then I woke up.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
acebook
witter
I'm inside hiding from the heat. Boys will be here in a bit. Ya'll have a great day 
