My most brilliant achievement was my ability to be able to persuade my wife to marry me.
~Winston Churchill~
```````````````````
My wife and her friend were out to lunch when the temperature drastically dropped. They stood by her friend’s truck, shivering, while the friend searched for a key to unlock the door. My wife asked, “Can’t we sit in the truck while you find your keys?”
````````
From the police blotter,
or, what a beat cop deals with
every day:
• A deputy responded to a report
of a vehicle stopping at mailboxes.
It was the mail carrier.
• A woman said her son was
attacked by a cat, and the cat would not allow her to take her son to the hospital.
• A resident said someone had
entered his home at night and taken five pounds of bacon. Upon further investigation, police discovered
his wife had gotten up for a late-night snack.
• A man reported that a squirrel
was running in circles on Davis Drive, and he wasn’t sure if it was sick or had been hit by a car. An
officer responded, and as he drove on the street, he ran over the squirrel.
```````
“Patient in to ER at 0400 with no complaints: ‘I have been having chest pain for 4 months but I am not having chest pain now. The reason I’m here now is because I heard that 4am is the best time to come cause there are not that many people.’ ”
“Had a woman call 911 because she ‘had déjà vu in the shower and got nervous.’”
“Got a frantic call from a woman who claimed she had overdosed and needed help immediately. We arrive on scene, and she hands us an empty mint container, saying she took them all. That night she learned that you cannot overdose on mints.”
``````
How about some cool jokes?Two snowmen were standing in a field, and one said to the other
'Can you smell carrot?'
The second replied, 'No, but I can taste coal.'
``````
Q: Where Do Snowmen Go To Dance?
A: To snowballs!
```````
Q: What's a good holiday tip?
A: Never catch snowflakes with your tongue until all the birds have gone south for the winter.
``````
Q: How Do Abomibable Snowmen Greet Each Other?
A: Ice to see you!
```````
Q: What Did Frosty Call His Cow?
A: Eskimoo!
``````
Q: What's A Snowman's Favorite Breakfast?
A: Frosted Flakes!
```````
Q: What does lactose free milk wish to the world?
A: Soy to the world
````````
Q: How do you find the value of taking Yule the the xth power?
A: You take the yule log
```````
Q: If they hold a pie eating contest this holiday season, which song will they sing?
A: Oh, Come all ye facefuls.
`````
On New Years, just remember: if your cup runneth over, you’ve probably reached your limit.
```````
My resolution was to read more so I put the subtitles on my tv.
````````
Q: What do you call a snowman that can walk?
A: Snow-mobile
``````
I once wanted to become an atheist but I gave up ... they have no holidays.
```````
Q: Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?
A: It needed to be trimmed.
``````
Good morning everyboomie.
That is what I call Christmas in July.
It may not be what you call Christmas in July though.
Feel free to disregard it.
Hump Day already?
I had a great time with my son, thanks for asking.
Starcom thank you. It's great to hear from you.
Mr Soot......thank you too.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
acebook
witter
It went pretty smoothly, thanks. Tomorrow's going to be crazy, though. 
Hope work goes well for you, and that you and L4L have a great day!
Enjoy your company, and hope you have a fun day! 
Venus good luck today! 
Wishing you all a stress free day! 
, Soot 
, Ana 
, Kaki's Sister 
Venus 
and Connie