I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.
~Winston Churchill~
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Realistic Romantic Comedies• When Harry Met Sally and
Discovered She Looks Nothing Like Her eHarmony Photos
• Love Handles, Actually
• Runaway Bridal Expenses
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My husband and I couldn’t decide which jacket to buy our granddaughter, so we asked the young salesman.
“If you were buying a jacket for your girlfriend,” I said, “what would you get?”
“A bulletproof one,” he said. “I’m married.”
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My seatmate on a flight was a woman. Ever the charmer, I asked, “Does the airline charge you extra for sitting next to good-looking men?”
“Yes,” she said, “but I wasn’t willing to pay.”
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As the music swelled during a recent wedding reception, my hopelessly romantic husband squeezed my hand, leaned in, and said, “You are better looking than half the women here.”
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Boy: Do you have a date for Valentine's Day?
Girl: Yes, February 14th.
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What did one boat say to the other? "Are you up for a little row-mance?"
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What did the guy with the broken leg say to his nurse? "I've got a crutch on you."
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What do you say to your single friends on Valentine's Day? Happy Independence Day!
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Every Valentine's Day our campus newspaper has a section for student messages. Last year my roommate surprised his girlfriend with roses and dinner at a fancy restaurant. When they returned from their date, she leafed through the paper to see if he had written a note to her. Near the bottom of one page she found: "Bonnie—What are you looking here for? Aren't dinner and flowers enough? Love, Scott."
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My high-school English teacher was well known for being a fair, but hard, grader. One day I received a B minus on a theme paper. In hopes of bettering my grade and in the spirit of the valentine season, I sent her an extravagant heart-shaped box of chocolates with the pre-printed inscription: "BE MINE." The following day, I received in return a valentine from the teacher. It read: "Thank you, but it's still BE MINE-US."
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As Valentine's Day approached, I tried to think of an unusual gift for my husband. When I discovered that his favorite red-plaid pants had a broken zipper, I thought I had the "perfect Valentine." I had the pants repaired, and gift-wrapped them. On the package I put a huge red heart on which I printed: "My Heart Pants for You." I was the surprised one, however, when I saw the same heart taped to our formerly empty, but now overflowing, wood box. On it he had written: "Wood You Be My Valentine?"
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A father shows up at his daughter’s home and finds his son-in-law angrily packing his bags.
“What’s wrong?” he asks.
“I texted my wife that I was coming home today from my golfing trip. And what did I find when I walked through the door? Her making out with Joe Murphy! I’m leaving!”
“Now, calm down,” says his
father-in-law. “There must be a
simple explanation. I’ll find out what happened.” Moments later, he reappears. “I told you there was a simple explanation, and there is,” he says. “She never got your text.”
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Sarah Silverman tweeted, “When ur relatives drive you crazy just close your eyes & pretend it’s dialogue in
a woody allen movie.”
She got this
response from Mia Farrow: “Tried that. Didn’t work.”
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FirstDateHell • He couldn’t remember my name, so he asked if I would mind if he just called me Amy instead.
• In a restaurant, she said she did a great impression of a fax
machine. Then she beeped loudly while unraveling a napkin from
her mouth.
• He said, “From your photo, I thought you were too good for me. I’m glad to see you’ve got flaws.” Then he listed them.
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Good morning everyboomie.
We didn't get our thunderstorm today, what a bummer.
I took the dogs to the park, and then back home. A little while later I decided to mow the yard. It was hot out there, but not too humid. I got on my mower to start it up, and found out the battery was dead.
I loaded up the pups and headed for Lowe's and got a new battery.....because they don't sell used ones.
After installing it, I mowed inside the fence. Then after eating lunch, and a good long nap, and some gaming, and another dog walk, and supper, I went back out and mowed outside the fence.
After that.....
It was a pretty good day. I hope Sunday is the same, only without the heat, and the mowing.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
acebook
witter
Tomorrow is going to be a gaming day. 
Wishing everyone a great day! 
Sunday
Joe ... you got your moving done ... not sure if I'll do mine ... I'll go outside and check later ... have a restful day Joe
Have fun gaming today!