How can you ever be late for anything in London? They have
a huge clock right in the middle
of the town.
~Jimmy Kimmel~
``````````````
When the sergeant told our new commander that his driver could not participate in an upcoming field
maneuver because she was pregnant, the enraged commander demanded to know just how pregnant she was.
The sergeant’s reply: “Completely, sir.”
```````
The average age of people living in our military retirement community is 85. Recently, a neighbor turned 100, and a big birthday party was thrown. Even his son turned up.
“How old are you?” a tenant asked.
“I’m 81 years old,” he answered.
The tenant shook her head. “They sure grow up fast, don’t they?”
`````
My high school assignment
was to ask a veteran about World War II. Since my father had served
in the Philippines during the war,
I chose him. After a few basic questions, I very gingerly asked, “Did you ever kill anyone?”
Dad got quiet. Then, in a soft voice, he said, “Probably. I was the cook.”
``````
When I lost my rifle, the Army charged me $85. That’s why in the Navy, the captain goes down with the ship.
Comedian Dick Gregory
``````
During basic training at Fort Leavenworth, our sergeant asked if anyone had
“artistic” abilities. Having been an architectural draftsman in civilian life, I raised my hand. Then the
sergeant announced that everyone would get a three-day pass … except me. I would stay behind and neatly print each soldier’s name onto his Army-issued underwear.
```````
The steaming jungles of Vietnam were not my husband’s first choice
of places to spend his 21st birthday. However, the mood was brightened when he received a birthday cake from his sister. It was carefully
encased in a Tupperware container and came with this note: “Dick, when you’re finished, can you mail back my container?”
```````
We were inspecting several lots of grenades. While everyone was concentrating on the task at hand, I held up a spare pin and asked, “Has anyone seen my grenade?”
``````
The military has a long, proud tradition of pranking recruits. Here are some favorites from rallypoint.com:
• Instructed a private in the mess hall to look for left-handed spatulas
• Sent a recruit to medical-supplies office in search of fallopian tubes
• Had a new guy conduct a
“boom test” on a howitzer by yelling “Boom!” down the tube in order to “calibrate” it
• Ordered a private to bring back
a five-gallon can of dehydrated water (in fact, the sergeant just wanted an empty water can)
``````
My 90-year-old dad was giving
a talk at our local library about his World War II experiences. During the question-and-answer period, he was asked, “How did you know the war was over?”
He replied, “When they stopped shooting at me.”
`````
In college, my freshman-year roommate was in ROTC and came from a long line of military men. Trask (his last name) used that
heritage to lord it over me. But I had the last laugh.
One night, he returned to the dorm in his perfectly pressed
uniform, his newly acquired name tag in his hand. Reluctantly, he showed it to me. In large gold letters was printed: TRASH.
``````
True or False: Military Edition
Now don't peak at the answers1) In World War II, a German
U-boat was sunk because of a
malfunctioning toilet.
2) American combat dolphins,
deployed in the Persian Gulf,
surrounded and captured an
Iranian battleship.
3) The pen used by the military meets 16 pages of military specs.
4) At the real-life Topgun program—the one the film was based on—
there is a $5 fine for any staffer who
references or quotes the movie.
5) The Franco-Prussian War
ended in a stalemate and had to
be settled by a winner-take-all game of backgammon played by the two countries’ prime ministers.
Answers: 1-T; 2-F; 3-T; 4-T; 5-F
`````````
After my niece returned from
her second tour in Iraq, I remarked how beautiful her complexion looked. “What do you use on your face to keep it so smooth?” I asked.
“Nothing,” she said. “I’ve been sandblasted.”
````````
During orientation at Fort Sill, in Oklahoma, our first sergeant stated that if anyone lost his locker key to see him, as he kept a master key in his office. Sure enough, a few weeks later, I lost my key. I walked into the orderly’s room and asked Sarge if
I could borrow his master key.
“Why, certainly, young man,” he said, as he reached under his desk and handed me a large pair of bolt cutters.
`````````
Funny Military Punishments (According to Reddit)• We made a private sweep all the sunshine off the sidewalks. It took the poor guy all day.
• Our squad leader was yelling at a soldier when he abruptly stopped and said, “I’m done yelling at you. It doesn’t work.” He stormed off and returned carrying a small potted tree. “You will carry this tree with you wherever you go. If anyone asks you why you’re carrying this tree, you will say, ‘It’s to replace the oxygen I stole from everyone else.’” —Tain01
• A recruit thought he was special because he was an Eagle Scout. The drill instructor picked up on this and took him into the woods and made him build a nest. Then he had him squat over it in order to keep his eggs warm.
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Good morning everyboomie.
And that was Hump day. Not a bad one, as a mid-week day in hell goes.
I'm sure there are hotter places, but we hit 102 today.
The next two days are 106 and 108 respectively, or so they say somewhere in prognosticator headquarters.
It's only 94 degrees right now though. Ooooo Ahhhh!
I need to jump on my trusty mower and mow while it's not 100 degrees......need to.........but I sure don't want to.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
acebook
witter
Hope you have good air conditioning and are able to spend plenty of time inside when you're not mowing!
I only have 4 stores tomorrow, although 1 of them has 2 projects. It still should be a shorter day than today was, and it's my "Friday," which gives me incentive to get through it. 
I'm very glad I have a 3 day weekend this week, as next week, the insanity is going to hit me hard. 
