We are all born ignorant, but one must work hard to remain stupid.
~Benjamin Franklin~
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When a soldier came to the
clinic where I work for an MRI, he was put into the machine by an
attractive, young technician. Sometime later, when the examination
was over, he was helped out of the machine by a far older woman. The soldier remarked, “How long was
I in there for?”
`````
Coffee tastes better if the latrines are dug downstream from an encampment.
``````
While in Kuwait, shortly before we deployed to Iraq, a major general told our meeting that we should
expect to cross “into Iraq in less than 24 hours.” He then opened the floor to questions.
A lieutenant stood up and asked, “Is that 24 hours our time or 24 hours their time?”
``````
My gunnery sergeant and
I were inspecting a Marine training exercise when we spotted a second lieutenant ambling about. “Where is your foxhole, Lieutenant?” I asked.
He snapped off a salute and
responded, “I don’t know, sir!”
Turning to the sergeant, he asked, “Gunnery, where is my foxhole?”
“You’re standing in it, sir,” said
the sergeant. “All you have to do is remove the dirt.”
`````
“Halt!” shouted our drill
instructor. He had noticed that, for the umpteenth time, a recruit kept going to his right on a left command. Our instructor approached the
directionally challenged Marine
and stomped on his left foot. “Now,” he said, “when I say ‘left,’ it’s the
one that hurts.”
`````
It was sheer brilliance. The ship’s operations officer entered
the messdeck, his eyes bleary and at half-mast. He grabbed a bagel and took a seat. Unfortunately, the sun was shining through a porthole right onto his face. Rather than move, he called the bridge: “Hey,” he said, “can you shift the ship 15 degrees? Thanks.”
``````
Students are great about
sending our troops letters, and the troops love ’em. You can see why:
“Dear Soldier, If you’re having
a rough day, remember the most
important thing in life is to be
yourself. Unless you can be Batman.”
“Dear Veterans, You rock more than AC/DC or Metallica or Red
Hot Chili Peppers.”
“I am so happy you are risking your life for the USA! My grandpa Bob was in the Navy. Now he likes peanuts.”
```````
Sometimes I think war is God’s way of teaching us geography.
``````
My friend, an Air Force officer, was riding his scooter when he passed an airman who didn’t salute. My friend stopped, turned around, and glared at the airman.
“Thanks for coming back for me,” the airman said, jumping on the back of the scooter. “Airmen’s mess, sir.”
``````
I was working in Army security when a VIP from another base called to ask to whom he should address an important letter. Knowing my tough-to-spell last name would give him fits, I said, “Just put down Sergeant Gary, as my last name is too hard.”
The next day, I received a letter addressed to Sgt. Gary Toohard.
``````
The Pentagon announced that its fight against ISIS will be called Operation Inherent Resolve. They came up with that name using Operation Random Thesaurus.
Jimmy Fallon
``````
While on maneuvers in the
Mojave Desert, our convoy got lost, forcing our lieutenant to radio for help.
“Are you near any landmarks that might help us locate you?” the base operator asked him.
“Yes,” said the lieutenant. “We are directly under the moon.”
``````
During that first roll call in the Army, I waited in dread as the sergeant got to my name: DiFeliciantonio. There was bound to be trouble, and
I was right, because suddenly, he
fell silent—eyebrows arched, brain overloaded. After a long pause, he thundered, “The alphabet?!”
```````
When I spotted a Navy captain
on the street, I saluted and bellowed, “LST 395,” which was the designation and number of the ship I served on during World War II.
The captain returned my salute and responded, “LMD 67.”
“What’s an LMD?” I asked.
“Large mahogany desk.”
````````
The only time you have too much fuel is when you’re on fire.
``````
Good morning everyboomie.
It's Friday.
It got here so fast that it really heated things up.
I mowed inside the fence last night after 8:00, and I was going to do the other half tonight, but at 6:00 it was
109 outside.
It seems the prognosticators got it
WRONG!!!!!!! 
It's still
107 right now, and tomorrow they say
108......we'll see.
It's really just someone's way of saying,
"you see, the 90's are really not that bad."Tomorrow afternoon I leave for my Brother's place in Shawnee.
If it's cooler up there, I won't be coming back.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
acebook
witter
Venus...welcome to your weekend...I am jealous, but will survive my T.G.I.F 
Wishing a Happy Friday for you all! 
with your innovation bootcamp! Hope your weekend comes soon!
Sorta