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Monday.......again #1158247
07/29/18 07:39 PM
07/29/18 07:39 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
I know in my heart that man is good. That what is right will always eventually triumph. And there's purpose and worth to each and every life.

~Ronald Reagan~
```````````````


We were reading The Wisdom of King Solomon in my Sunday school class. An illustration showed King Solomon ordering a child to be cut in half, as one woman sobbed and another watched uncaringly.

Pointing to the heartless woman, a young boy said, “I hope she ends up with the part that has the butt on it.”

``````

A priest and a pastor are standing by the side of a road holding up 
a sign that reads “The end is near! Turn around now before it’s too late!”

A passing driver yells, “You guys are nuts!” and speeds past them. From around the curve, they hear screeching tires—then a big splash.

The priest turns to the pastor and says, “Do you think we should just put up a sign that says ‘Bridge Out’ instead?”

``````

Scene: Sunday mass. I turned to greet an older woman.

Woman: My! You have the most beautiful skin.

Me: Oh, thank you.

Woman: If I were younger, I’d hate you.

```````

Two doctors and an HMO manager die and line up together at the Pearly Gates. One doctor steps forward and tells St. Peter, "As a pediatric surgeon, I saved hundreds of children." St. Peter lets him enter.

The next doctor says, "As a psychiatrist, I helped thousands of people live better lives." St. Peter tells him to go ahead.

The last man says, "I was an HMO manager. I got countless families cost-effective health care."

St. Peter replies, "You may enter. But," he adds, "you can only stay for three days. After that, you can go to hell."

`````

Three guys are fishing when an angel appears.

The first guy says, “I’ve suffered from back pain for years. Can you help me?” The angel touches the man’s back, and he feels instant relief.

The second guy points to 
his thick glasses and begs for 
a cure for his poor eyesight. When the angel tosses the lenses into the lake, the man 
gains 20/20 vision.

As the angel turns to the third fellow, he instantly recoils and screams, “Don’t touch me! I’m on disability!”

```````

Gandhi walked barefoot everywhere, ate very little, and often fasted, leaving him thin and with very bad breath. Thus he is often thought of as a super callused, fragile mystic plagued with halitosis.

``````

Howard dies and waits in line for judgment. He notices that some souls go right into heaven, while Satan throws others into a burning pit. But every so often, instead of hurling a poor soul into the fire, the devil tosses it aside. Curious, Howard asks Satan, “Excuse me, but why are you tossing them aside instead of flinging them into hell with the others?”

“They’re from Seattle,” Satan replies. “They’re too wet to burn.”

````````

Due to the recession, to save on energy costs, the light at the end of the tunnel will be turned off.

`````

Did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshipper? He sold his soul to Santa.

```````

So I called up the spiritual leader of Tibet, and he sent me a large goat with a long neck. Turns out I phoned dial-a-llama.

``````

An angel appears at a faculty meeting and tells the dean, "In return for your unselfish and exemplary behavior, the Lord will reward you with your choice of infinite wealth, wisdom, or beauty."

"Give me infinite wisdom!" declares the dean, without hesitation.

"Done!" says the angel before disappearing in a cloud of smoke.

All heads now turn to the dean, who sits surrounded by a faint halo of light. "Well," says a colleague, "say something brilliant."

The dean stands and, with the poise of Socrates, opines, "I should have taken the money."

``````

Spotted on a church marquee: "Love your enemies; After all, You made them."

``````

As church secretary, I prepare the bulletin for each week’s services.

One Sunday morning, I heard snickering from the pews. Quickly grabbing the bulletin, I found the cause. The sermon title for that day was: "What Makes God Sick: Pastor Joe Smith."

````````

A man with a huge grin approaches a priest.

"Bless me, Father, for I have sinned,” he says. "I’ve spent the week with seven beautiful women.”

"Do not fret, my son,” says the priest. "All you need to do is take seven lemons, squeeze the juice into a glass, and drink the juice.”

"Will that cleanse my sin from me?”

"No, but it’ll wipe that stupid smile off your face.”

```````

Good morning everyboomie. yay


I know, I know, some of those jokes. Gandhi..... rolleyes


Well are ya ready for another week? happydance


We had a pretty nice weekend. I took Missy to the park as soon as I rolled out of bed, and then at around 10:00 we got another good shower. hamster


We still got into the mid 90s later on, but Monday is going to be 87 degrees. Yaaa! bravo


I've taken Missy for two walks today, and we'll probably make one more here in a minute. I downloaded some new 'oldies' to listen too. penguin


Have a fantastic day everyone. dance


joe


There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Monday.......again [Re: gymcandy1] #1158278
07/29/18 10:56 PM
07/29/18 10:56 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
Good morning and happy Monday!
It was a heck of a weekend and I'm glad it's over. Lots of memories made but they were exhausting. lol

Have a happy day all!

Ana wave


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Monday.......again [Re: gymcandy1] #1158283
07/29/18 11:25 PM
07/29/18 11:25 PM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist
venus  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Enjoy your 87 degree day, Joe. woot

Glad you had a great weekend, Ana. thumbsup Hope you get some time to relax now.

It's Sunday night, and I'm off to sleep. I only have a semi crazy week this time. lol I have five stores tomorrow, but all of the projects are relatively short.

Hope everyone has a great Monday. summer


Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?
Re: Monday.......again [Re: gymcandy1] #1158297
07/30/18 05:29 AM
07/30/18 05:29 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,110
Marlborough USA
Kaki's Sister Offline
Sonic Boomer
Kaki's Sister  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,110
Marlborough USA
Good Morning Joe, Ana. venus and everyone. Joe hope it feels cooler today at 87 degrees. Ana it sounds like you had a fun, exhausting weekend. Venus glad to hear your work week will be less crazy! Coffee and tea are ready.
wave Wishing you all a great day! wave


Gerry
Re: Monday.......again [Re: gymcandy1] #1158305
07/30/18 07:23 AM
07/30/18 07:23 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,021
winter springs fl.
connie Offline
Graduate Boomer
connie  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,021
winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone, have a Super Monday. Bingo at the Eagles at noon, then a joint meeting this evening. Danish, Eggs, Grits, Hash Browns, BB Pancakes, Sausage, Bacon, and French Toast in the NC. summer


Connie
Re: Monday.......again [Re: gymcandy1] #1158345
07/30/18 11:31 AM
07/30/18 11:31 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist
Sorta Blonde  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Nothing like the sound of a 'mortar shell' going off in your neighborhood at 8 pm and again at 9 pm! I'm guessing it's leftover fireworks from the 4th, but I have no idea. Big THUMP and BANG. Second day this week. Going to go out at 8 tonight to see if I can spot the offender. It's only about 3 houses away around the corner so it should be seeable if it's fireworks. Can't figure out what's wrong with some people with out major fire danger conditions! The neighbor kitty corner from me has had a 'bonfire' for the past 2 nights. Family stuff I think with maybe some steaks cooking, but sparks keep flying about 10 feet in the air. Looks like they are throwing in chunks of cut wood from a fence they are building and making the sparks. POLICE showed up last night and went in. Someone must have called about the danger. The fire pit or whatever is directly under a huge overhanging pepper tree. Not a good place. Fire went out after police left. Probably just a 'courtesy' visit. We have so many brush fires burning around San Diego county and nearby counties it's scary.


WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.
Re: Monday.......again [Re: gymcandy1] #1158348
07/30/18 11:38 AM
07/30/18 11:38 AM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Magnificent Monday ya'll puppy

Hot and Humid here..no surprise there. Boys supposed to be going to mom's today for a little bit. We shall see. Bread making and bike riding heads up my list for the day. Hubby is on the road again, heading to CO to visit daughter.

wavegirl


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Monday.......again [Re: gymcandy1] #1158401
07/30/18 10:35 PM
07/30/18 10:35 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
Nighty night!


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Monday.......again [Re: gymcandy1] #1158408
07/30/18 11:10 PM
07/30/18 11:10 PM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist
venus  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Good night, everyone. sleep


Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?
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