The greatest heroes are those who do their duty in the daily grind of domestic affairs whilst the world whirls as a maddening dreidel.
~Florence Nightingale~
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Why does moisture destroy leather? When it’s raining, cows don’t go up to the farmhouse yelling, “Let us in! We’re all wearing leather! We’re going to ruin the whole outfit here!”
Jerry Seinfeld
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Concerned about what will happen to cities if the polar ice caps melt? Don't be. New names have already been chosen.
Atlantis City, New Jersey
Pariscope, France
Sail 'Em, Massachusetts
Floodelphia, Pennsylvania
Helsunki, Finland
Sao Marco ... Paulo, Brazil
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My wife and her friend were out to lunch when the temperature drastically dropped. They stood by her friend’s truck, shivering, while the friend searched for a key to unlock the door. My wife asked, “Can’t we sit in the truck while you find your keys?”
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From the police blotter,
or, what a beat cop deals with
every day:
• A deputy responded to a report
of a vehicle stopping at mailboxes.
It was the mail carrier.
• A woman said her son was
attacked by a cat, and the cat would not allow her to take her son to the hospital.
• A resident said someone had
entered his home at night and taken five pounds of bacon. Upon further investigation, police discovered
his wife had gotten up for a late-night snack.
• A man reported that a squirrel
was running in circles on Davis Drive, and he wasn’t sure if it was sick or had been hit by a car. An
officer responded, and as he drove on the street, he ran over the squirrel.
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“Patient in to ER at 0400 with no complaints: ‘I have been having chest pain for 4 months but I am not having chest pain now. The reason I’m here now is because I heard that 4am is the best time to come cause there are not that many people.’ ”
“Had a woman call 911 because she ‘had déjà vu in the shower and got nervous.’”
“Got a frantic call from a woman who claimed she had overdosed and needed help immediately. We arrive on scene, and she hands us an empty mint container, saying she took them all. That night she learned that you cannot overdose on mints.”
Source: Overheard in the ER
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My collection of vintage kitchen utensils includes one whose intended purpose was always a mystery. It looks like a cross between a metal slotted spoon and a spatula, so I
use it as both. When not in use, it
is prominently displayed in a
decorative ceramic utensil caddy
in my kitchen.
The mystery of the spoon/spatula was recently solved when I found one in its original packaging at
a rummage sale.
It’s a pooper-scooper.
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A few months ago, Hamas
“arrested” a dolphin for being an
Israeli spy. Readers of Reason
magazine came up with titles for
the film this action might inspire:
• Orcapussy
• Free Schmuelly
• Goldflipper
• The Porpoise-Driven Life
• Dolphinfidel
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Spotted in the classifieds: “For sale: cemetery plot, $200, so
I don’t have to spend all eternity
beside my ex!”
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Q. Why did Mickey Mouse become an astronaut?
A. So he could visit Pluto!
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Q: Why shouldn't you give Elsa a balloon?
A. Because she'll let it go!
`````
Q: Why are ghosts bad liars?
A. Because you can see right through them!
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Q: Why did Humpty Dumpty have a great fall?
A: To make up for his miserable summer.
`````
Q. What does the ghost call his true love?
A. My ghoul-friend.
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Q. How did the phone propose to his girlfriend on Valentine's Day?
A. He gave her a ring.
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Q. What do you call two birds in love?
A. Tweet-hearts!
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Q. What did the little boat say to the yacht?
A. Can I interest you in a little row-mance?
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If the local coffee shop has awarded you "Employee of the Month" and you don't even work there, you may be drinking too much coffee.
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Q: Why are Italians so good at making coffee?
A: Because they know how to espresso themselves.
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Good morning everyboomie.
We're makin good progress getting to the weekend, yes?
I'm just a tiny bit excited because tonight the first Dallas preseason game is on. FOOTBALL IS BACK BABY!!!!!!
We got a fair amount of rain on Wednesday. No flash flooding, but still a good soaker.
Hopefully we'll be getting more in the next few days.
I wish everyone a happy day.
joe
acebook
witter
It should be a relatively easy day, and then my 3 day weekend begins. 
Coffee and tea are ready.
