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Sunday's Best #1159816
08/11/18 07:06 PM
08/11/18 07:06 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate.

~Dave Barry~
````````````


Q: Why should you stand in the corner if you get cold?

A: It's always 90 degrees.

`````

“Patient in to ER at 0400 with no complaints: ‘I have been having chest pain for 4 months but I am not having chest pain now. The reason I’m here now is because I heard that 4am is the best time to come cause there are not that many people.’ ”

“Had a woman call 911 because she ‘had déjà vu in the shower and got nervous.’”

“Got a frantic call from a woman who claimed she had overdosed and needed help immediately. We arrive on scene, and she hands us an empty mint container, saying she took them all. That night she learned that you cannot overdose on mints.”

```````

Top Client Stories


Client: “I don’t like the type.”

Me: “What don’t you like.”

Client: “I don’t like how it goes all to one side.”

Me: “You mean ranged left.”

Client: “Yes, yes, arranged left.”

Me: “How do you want it?”

Client: “To be the same on both sides.”

Me: “Justified?”

Client: “I don’t have to justify anything for you. I own the f***ing company.”

``````

Client: Please remove the unnecessary circle at the end of the sentence.

Me: You mean … the period?

Client: I don’t care what you designers call it; it is unsightly. Delete it.

`````

Client: “I don’t mean to sound racist, but…”

Me: “But what?”

Client: “But the site is too black.”

Me: “Like, literally too black?”

Client: “Yes. The background is too black.”

Me: “That’s not racist. That has nothing to do with race.”

Client: “Phew. I can never tell with you black people, what’s offensive and what’s not.”

Me: “I’m actually Lebanese. And, yeah, that one might be a bit racist.”

`````

I was at the airport, ready to leave for vacation when I got a panicked phone call from a client. She stated that the video I sent her - part of a large marketing campaign - was missing the sound. After a lot of shouting and threats on her part, I agreed to go to her office try and fix it.

After being escorted into her office, I played the video and double-checked her computer’s sound options. Then I unplugged her headphones. Then I billed her for my missed flight.

``````

At 3am, after finishing a website template for a client who had to have it “by 6am their time,” I sent an email letting her know that it was finished. The next day I get a call:

CLIENT: I don’t appreciate you staying out all night when you should be working on my project.

ME: I’m sorry? I was working all last night. As you can see, I sent you an e-mail -

CLIENT: I see that. At 3am. Do you think it’s okay to party all night and then work without sleep at 3am? It’s very unprofessional and morally reprehensible.

ME: What makes you think I was out partying?

CLIENT: Why else would you be up at 3am?

ME: You gave my 24 hours to do 18 hours of work. I had to stay up

CLIENT: Don’t try to use math on me!

``````

After sending two invoices for payment, I sent another and called the client when the receipt that they had received it came back.

CLIENT: Why are you calling me?

ME: You haven’t paid and this is the third invoice I’ve sent.

CLIENT: It’s even more than the last one!

ME: Yes. The contract you signed stated that I would add a late fee for payment.

CLIENT: You mean I have to actually pay you? I thought you were joking!

ME: What on earth made you think that?

CLIENT: You’re a freelancer!

ME: And…

CLIENT: Well, you work for free! If you were supposed to be paid, you’d be called a paidlancer or something!

```````

THE CLIENT IS ALWAYS RIGHT

CLIENT: I’m not too sure about the blue…

ME: Actually, that’s green.

CLIENT: Who’s the client?

ME: You.

CLIENT: And what color is it?

ME: …blue?

CLIENT: Right. Now let me see what other shades of blue we have.

We settled on pine-tree ”blue.”

`````

I was rounding off an Instant Message chat with a German client. I intended to say “Let me know if I can help further”. Instead, my clumsy fingers typed and sent the following before I could stop myself:

ME: Let me know if I can help fuhrer.

````````

Client: Can we change the heading font to more acrylic?

Me: Sorry?

Client: Can we change it to more of an acrylic style font? You know, like slantways.

Me: Oh, you mean italic?

Client: No, I think its acrylic, please don’t correct me again. The slanty-‘i’ in word, you know. For acrylic.

````````

Good morning everyboomie. yay


It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood. grin


I don't think we broke 86 degrees here today. (Sat) hamster


It was pretty humid, but overcast most of the day. yes


I had my breakfast and took the dogs parking. After we got back, I spent the next two hours mowing and weed eating. Then I spent some time drying out and cooling off. I did some gaming and then I took the dogs out for a walk around the neighborhood. After that I exercised, spent some time watching videos on YouTube, and a tiny bit of dozing. Then I had a sandwich, and took my shower. penguin


Then I came here to post this thread. grin


After that, I take the dogs walking again. Did you know a Chihuahua will stop and do their business 3 times for every half block?? crazy


Have a happy day everyone. rah


joe


There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Sunday's Best [Re: gymcandy1] #1159827
08/11/18 09:39 PM
08/11/18 09:39 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Online content
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Online Content
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
Good morning, Joe! Gotta mark your territory! lol Hope your day is a fun one!

I work in the early morning and then free for the day!

I found out yesterday that the Illinois Department of Natural Resources awarded me and the rest of the Starved Rock State Park Cleanup crew, with the honors of Illinois 2018 Volunteer of the year award! I will be heading to the Illinois State Fair next weekend to the award ceremony! I'm so excited!

Have a happy day all!

Ana wave


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Sunday's Best [Re: gymcandy1] #1159845
08/11/18 11:26 PM
08/11/18 11:26 PM
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 125
Thrudvanger
Thorsgoats Offline
Settled Boomer
Thorsgoats  Offline
Settled Boomer

Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 125
Thrudvanger
Venus, I did indeed shop afterwards, and I had to stop at the cheese shop and have a bite of goat cheese. But not from one of Thor's goats.

BrownEyedTigre, it took me about 8 years to get almost 100 posts, so I could use another 900. lol Otherwise it'll take me another 90 years to get over 1000, and I'm not a vampire. lol

Thanks, Starcom. I'm on a roll now. I only need two more posts.

Thanks for the welcome, Kaki's Sister.

Sorta Blonde, here I am! wave

So I just got home after a long day of work. All the parking places were full in front of the building. I had to park my car, Abnaxus, in the next building down. I named the car Abnaxus in honor of one of my favorite characters from The Longest Journey/Dreamfall series. I just bought a lemonade color 2014 Chevy Spark. I can look out the window here and see that Abnaxus is doing well.

I have to be at work at 3:30 on Sunday afternoon, so it shouldn't be as long of a day this time.

I wish everybody a great day.


"Is there anybody there? Am I alone . . . in this place? Can you see me? Can you hear me? SHOW me you are here!"
Re: Sunday's Best [Re: gymcandy1] #1159853
08/12/18 01:15 AM
08/12/18 01:15 AM
Joined: Mar 2004
Posts: 1,745
Rockland, Ontario, Canada
Starcom Offline
Addicted Boomer
Starcom  Offline
Addicted Boomer

Joined: Mar 2004
Posts: 1,745
Rockland, Ontario, Canada
Congrats. to BrownEyedTigre for:
Quote:
honors of Illinois 2018 Volunteer of the year award!
I hope you enjoy the ceremony and have a good day of it.

Re: Sunday's Best [Re: gymcandy1] #1159859
08/12/18 02:39 AM
08/12/18 02:39 AM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist
venus  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Sounds like you had quite a productive day, Joe. thumbsup

woot Congratulations, Ana, and have fun at the ceremony! bravo

Glad you enjoyed your goat cheese, Thorsgoats. grin Hope you're able to get your yellow Abnaxus to a better spot before leaving for work tomorrow.

Hope you have a great day, Starcom.

It's late Saturday night, and I'm off to sleep. I had a great lesson, but it was another long day. Sunday is going to be a relaxing and gaming day for sure. grin And I'll try to fit some practice in, of course. smile

Have a great Sunday, everyone. summer


Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?
Re: Sunday's Best [Re: gymcandy1] #1159863
08/12/18 04:22 AM
08/12/18 04:22 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
Kaki's Sister Offline
Sonic Boomer
Kaki's Sister  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
Good Morning Joe, Ana, Thorsgoats, Starcom, venus and everyone. Joe any head hunting today? Ana congrats on your award! Thorsgoats I love goat cheese! Starcom enjoy your day. Venus have fun gaming! Coffee and tea are ready.
summer Wishing everyone a Happy Sunday! summer


Gerry
Re: Sunday's Best [Re: gymcandy1] #1159879
08/12/18 09:28 AM
08/12/18 09:28 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
connie Offline
Graduate Boomer
connie  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone, have a Lovely Sunday. Congrats Ana. Back from breakfast out with Robert and Chuck. Danish, Eggs, Grits, Hash Browns, BB Pancakes, Biscuits and Gravy, Sausage, Ham, Bacon, and French Toast in the NC. summer


Connie
Re: Sunday's Best [Re: gymcandy1] #1159895
08/12/18 11:47 AM
08/12/18 11:47 AM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Super Sunday ya'll puppy

Boys are being fractious and driving son crazy. Life with kids is fun rotfl

Joe, sounds like you were very busy.

Congratulations, Ana ... well deserved.

Thorsgoat, love the name of your car. Hope your Sunday work is short.

Starcom, how's weather in your neck of the woods?

Happy gaming, Venus.

Gerry, thanks for the coffee. Think I'll add some whipped cream to mine today.

Connie, hope you enjoyed your breakfast.

Off to work on potato salad for the Per's b'day dinner wavegirl

Last edited by looney4labs; 08/12/18 11:47 AM.

"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Sunday's Best [Re: gymcandy1] #1159900
08/12/18 12:25 PM
08/12/18 12:25 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 37,661
Alabama
soot Offline
Puzzled Moderator
soot  Offline
Puzzled Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 37,661
Alabama
Hey Ho Joe Ana Thorsgoat StarCom Venus Gerry Connie L4L and the rest of the Diner gang laugh

Yes indeedy Joe, sounds like you need to carry lots of bags wink

congratulations Ana...totally cool news bravo

Great story ThorsGoat...great name

Have a Super Sunday StarCom

Game away Venus and have fun

I'll have a tea and Danish to go Gerry and Connie

L4L hearts

Off to take care of Sunday...have a wonderful day everyone

wave2





Dan
...
To learn, read...To know, write...To master, teach...To live, play games & listen to whale music Stay Smart & Stay Safe
Re: Sunday's Best [Re: gymcandy1] #1159956
08/12/18 11:54 PM
08/12/18 11:54 PM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist
venus  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Good night, everyone. sleep


Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?
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