Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life.
~Brooke Shields~
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How long has it been Ana? I've lost track. I know I've been here 10 years and I quit while I was still in St Louis. Wow! 
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I do freelance illustration as a hobby. Because it’s a side thing, my prices aren’t high: just $20 for a lineart sketch and $35 for colored.
Client: I’d like the cheapest commission option.
Me: Okay, what do you want?
Client: I want a design of my character, but can you color the sketch?
Me: I’d have to charge more for that.
Client: but you just have to put color on it! It won’t be hard.
Me: Yes it will.
Client: I could do that in five minutes, so why can’t you just charge the uncolored price for it?
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Client: I just spent hours searching royalty-free images for the brochure and website but there is just way too many and I don’t have the time – can you look for me?
Me: Sure - we can do the search. Our rate $X per hour.
Client: No, no, no – it’s not part of the job. I want you to find the images for me to choose from before you start on the brochure and website.
Me: Searching for images requires using my studio’s resources which is $X per hour.
Client: Could you do it after work?
Me: Then it’s 2 x $X per hour.
Client: You are being ridiculous.
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Client: Shouldn’t these additional tasks have all been covered at the start of the project?
Me: Yes, if you had told us about them. You gave us many new tasks during the project and we dealt with each one as they came. We had to work weekends.
Client: But how did you not know about them?
Me: How did we not know about tasks that you did not tell us about?
Client: I thought you were professionals.
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Literally, a day after my client signed the contract and paid the deposit, I received this email:
Client: I am very frustrated. We have to have this website up and running. Can you tell me when this will be possible? I was under the impression when I paid you that I would have a website.
Me: ….
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Client: We want you to do a video for our new brand. We need two separate edits for social and the website.
Me: Okay great, can you send a creative brief with more detail and we’ll give you a quote.
Client: We just want it to tell the story of the brand.
Me: We’re going to need more detail than that. Do you have a deadline or timeframe for the project?
Client: Well the brand launches next week so we need it for then.
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Client: How’s the project coming? We are approaching deadline.
Me: I’ve asked you for a due date several times and you still haven’t provided one. What is the deadline?
Client: There isn’t one, but we are approaching it.
I guess I’m on schedule.
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I once asked a potential client about his deadline:
Client: I want it by yesterday!
Me: Well if that’s the timeline, it’s going to cost more.
He was stunned. I maintained a poker-face, but in my mind was thinking “dude, I have to invent a freaking time machine to finish your project by yesterday… obviously, it’s going to cost!”
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Me: I will not be available for any calls during the afternoon because my Grandfather died and I was taking some time to take care of my mom, who was very close to him.
Client: Can we do just a quick call then?
I mean really, if there ever was a reason to just let it wait a day, maybe grieving the death of a loved one would be it.
I didn’t even honor her with a response and made her wait the maximum time before I needed to respond.
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I worked overnight to get something urgent done for a client that they needed “FIRST THING IN THE MORNING.”
They didn’t acknowledge receiving it until nearly noon:
Client: Sorry it took me so long to get back to you. It’s been a crazy morning.
Me: :/
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"I need you to make this graph with cool looking graphics and I need it done by this afternoon."
— Client who’d kept me waiting for the data they already had for over a week.
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I’m a co-chef for a restaurant that does catering. The other day I got a call from a client we’ve worked for in the past.
Client: Hi! Just checking in that everything is underway for this dinner tomorrow.
Me: That’s weird… We don’t currently have any events scheduled for you. Are you sure you booked us?
Client: We didn’t call, but you guys do this for us every year! What’s the problem?
Me: You still need to TELL us you’re hiring us. In previous years you gave us three weeks notice so we could prepare a menu and get everything together.
Client: Why are you making this so hard? Just, do what you did last year.
Me: That menu took four days to prepare.
Client: Whatever! Just do it!
We ended up catering to them in a crunch. We all had to work a bunch of overtime to finish it.
When it came time to pay, surprise surprise, the event organizer was surprised at the amount of our bill.
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Client: Why aren’t you in touch? You should be calling me once a day.
Me: I didn’t think the job required that much touching base, but if you’d like I’ll start.
Now I call the client once a day.
He picks up once a week.
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Good morning everyboomie.
I can't believe it's Thursday already.
I hope you guys are enjoying the "Client From Hell" post. I get a kick out of them. It's fascinating to me to see how absurd and unreal some peoples expectations are.
The sun came roaring back for us Wednesday. I know we hit 95 degrees.
It did give me the opportunity to mow the lawn.
I mowed, and then I trimmed the bushes around the house until I was completely flustered from the heat, and then I came inside and crashed.
Now it's time to take Missy for another walk. Still 94 degrees out.
YeeHaw!
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
acebook
witter
Stay cool my friend! We had some torrential downpours this evening, I am thankful it waited till I was off work! 
Wishing everyone a great day! 
