We're born alone, we live alone, we die alone. Only through our love and friendship can we create the illusion for the moment that we're not alone.
~Orson Welles~
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A church's bell ringer passed away. The church posted the job opening in the local newspaper's classified ads and a man came in with no arms wanting the job. The clergy weren't sure he could do it, but he convinced them to let him try it. They climbed the bell tower and the guy ran toward the bell and hit it with his head, producing a beautiful melody. They gave him the job on the spot. The next day he went to ring the bell, tripped, bounced off the bell and fell to the sidewalk below. Two priests were walking past. One asked, "Do you know this guy?" The other responded, "No, but his face rings a bell."
The next day, the dead man's twin brother came in for the again vacant bell ringer position. He also had no arms. The clergy led him up to the bell tower, where he ran at the bell, tripped and fell to the sidewalk below. The same two priests walked up. The first asked, "Do you know him?" The second responded, "No, but he's a dead ringer for his that other fellow."
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When Paddy's dog died, he took it to the local Catholic church. He asked the priest if he could have a funeral service for his much loved pet, but the preacher explained that they didn't do services like that for animals. Paddy asked who would and the preacher suggested that the Baptist church up the road would probably give the dog a funeral service. Paddy asked, "Father, do you think $5,000 would be enough payment for the dog's funeral?" The priest relied, "Dearest Paddy, why didn't you tell me that your dog was a Catholic?"
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What did the Buddhist say to the hot dog vendor?
Make me one with everything.
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Why do Mormon women stop having kids at 29?
Because 30 is too many!
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Q: Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocaine during a root canal?
A: His goal: transcend dental medication.
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A teacher was testing her students' knowledge of word's antonyms. She asked, "What is the opposite of go?" A student answered, "Stop." "Very good," the teacher replied. "What is the opposite of adamant?" Another student said, "Eveant."
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The biggest swindler in the world dies and finds himself before the gates of Heaven and St. Peter, who says, "Come on in man!" Confused, the swindler questions, "But I thought I would be going to Hell for all of the bad things I did." St. Peter replies, "Oh, we don't keep records here, it's too much work!" The swindler goes in, and is once again surprised to see tons of beautiful girls whipping themselves. He asks St. Peter, "Why are they doing that?" St. Peter answers, "Ah, those are all of our virgins. They just found out we don't keep records, too!"
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Mother Teresa dies and of course goes directly to heaven. God greets her and asks her, "After you get familiar with this place, how about we have dinner together?" "I would love to eat dinner with you!" Later that evening they meet up for dinner and she takes a seat at the dining room table. God is in the kitchen and starts preparing a very simple meal: one can of tuna fish and some crackers. Through some cracks in the floor, Mother Teresa looks down at Hell; she sees fire and red hot flames with hundreds of thousands of people, and they are dining on lobster, fine wine, chocolate cakes, steaks, pancakes, row after row of fine food. Mother Teresa can't help but ask, "God, look at how they're eating down there. Shouldn't we be dining even better than Hell? You are just serving canned tuna and crackers..." God says, "Well, I figure since it's just the two of us, why cook?"
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As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman." She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?" A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".
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A young woman was taking golf lessons and had just started playing her first round of golf when she suffered a bee sting. Her pain was so intense that she decided to return to the clubhouse for medical assistance. The golf pro saw her heading back and said, “You are back early, what’s wrong?” “I was stung by a bee!” she said. “Where?” he asked. “Between the first and second hole.” she replied. He nodded and said, “Your stance is far too wide.”
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How did the medical community come up with the term "PMS"?
"Mad Cow Disease" was already taken.
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A man asks, “God, why did you make woman so beautiful?” God responded, ”So you would love her.” The man asks, “But God, why did you make her so dumb?” God replied, “So she would love you.”
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A tough looking group of hairy bikers are riding when they see a girl about to jump off a bridge, so they stop. The leader, a big burly man, gets off his bike and says, "What are you doing?" "I'm going to commit suicide," she says. While he doesn’t want to appear insensitive, he also doesn’t want to miss an opportunity, so he asks, "Well, before you jump, why don't you give me a kiss?" She does, and it is a long, deep, lingering kiss. After she's finished, the tough, hairy biker says, "Wow! That was the best kiss I’ve ever had! That's a real talent you’re wasting. You could be famous. Why are you committing suicide?" "My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl…"
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A man is being arrested by a female police officer, who informs him, "Anything you say can and will be held against you." The man replies, "Boobs!"
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For all the guys who think a woman's place is in the kitchen, remember that's where the knives are kept.
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Good morning everyboomie.
We had an awesome day here. It was overcast and cool all day long.
I really should have gone to the sod farm, but my right leg was killing me all day.
It was just my calf. It seems I over did it yesterday with my exercises.
I managed to take Missy on a couple of walks, even though my walk was more of an old timer's shuffle.
So I'll be going out there Sunday for sure. Me and my little shadow.
I hope you all have a super Sunday.
joe
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witter
A Happy Day wished for everyone! 
I know I posted last night! I must have not submitted it! Hope you all had a great day!