Walking with a friend in the dark is better than walking alone in the light.
~Helen Keller~
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Golfer: "I'd move heaven & earth to break 100 on this course."
Caddy: "Try heaven; you've already moved most of the earth."
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If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you!
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A Giants fan, a Padre fan, and a Dodger fan are climbing a mountain and arguing about who loves his team more. The Padre fan insists he's the most loyal. "This is for San Diego!" he yells and jumps off the side of the mountain. Not to be outdone, the Giants fan is next to profess his love for his team. He yells, "This is for San Francisco!" and pushes the Dodger fan off the mountain.
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The huge college freshman decided to try out for the football team. "Can you tackle?" asked the coach. "Watch this," said the freshman, who proceeded to run smack into a telephone pole, shattering it to splinters. "Wow," said the coach. "I'm impressed. Can you run?" "Of course I can run," said the freshman. He was off like a shot, and, in just over nine seconds, he had run a hundred yard dash. "Great!" enthused the coach. "But can you pass a football?" The freshman hesitated for a few seconds. "Well, sir," he said, "if I can swallow it, I can probably pass it."
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Q: Why is a baseball game a good place to go on a hot day?
A: Because there are lots of fans.
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Q: Why did the coach go back to the bank?
A: To get his quarterback!
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Two guys were playing golf. On the tee, Jack hit his shot way left of the fairway in some buttercups. Bob proceeded to hit and his ball went way off to the right in the bushes. Jack eventually found his ball and proceeded to hit in the buttercups. All of a sudden, he heard a big *POOF* and a fairy appeared. She proceeded to say to Jack that she was Mother Nature and that she was really upset at him for damaging the buttercups. She said, ''Jack, for all the damage that you did to my buttercups, you will not have any butter to put on your toast in the morning for the next month. No, as a matter of fact, I am so upset at you that you won't have any butter for the whole next year! That should teach you a lesson so you won't hurt my creations." *POOF* She disappeared. Jack, stunned by what just happened, called out, "Bob! Bob! Come over here here quick!" Bob replied, "Wait a sec. I'm hitting my shot and I'll be right over." Jack yelled back at Bob, "Where are you?" Bob answered, "I'm over here in the [blip] willows." Jack shouted back, "Don't swing Bob! For the love of God, don't swing!"
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Q: How did the blonde fisherman die?
A: He was run over by the Zamboni.
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Three football teams (Arsnel, Liverpool, and Hartsfield) are flying from England across Egypt for a match in the Middle East. Their plane crashes in the desert and they survive. After days of wandering, they are really hungry so when they come across a camel, the footballers decide to kill it and eat it. The Liverpool team says, "Because we play for Liverpool, will we eat the liver." The Hartsfield players decide, "Because we play for Hartsfield, we will eat the heart." Arsnel says, "I think we might go hungry..."
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Two elderly sisters donated $5 to a charity and, to their surprise, won tickets to a football game. Since they had never seen a live football game before, Madge thought the free tickets would provide an excellent opportunity for doing so. "I think so, too," said Mabel. "Let's go!" They soon found themselves high in a noisy stadium overlooking a large, grassy expanse. They watched the kickoff and the seemingly endless back-and-forth struggles that comprised the scoreless first half. They enjoyed the band music and cheerleader performance that followed. Then came the second half. When the teams lined up for the second-half kickoff, Madge nudged her sister. "I guess we can go home now, Mabel," she said. "This is where we came in."
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Three doctors are out geese-hunting. A gaggle flies over and the oncologist raises and then lowers his gun. "I better conduct an MRI first to determine if those were really geese." Some more geese fly by & the endocrinologist raises his gun and then lowers it. "I'll need some bloodwork to conduct an A1C and determine what those birds were first." Some more geese fly over. The trauma doc raises his shotgun and blows them out of the sky. "What were those things, anyway?" he asks.
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Q: Why couldn't the blonde add 10 + 5 on a calculator?
A: She couldn't find the "10" button.
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Q: What do computers eat for a snack?
A: Microchips!
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Mother: "Sweetie, make a Christmas wish."
Girl: "I wish that Santa will send some clothes to those naked girls in papa's computer."
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Q: What computer sings the best?
A: A Dell.
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Q: What's Forrest Gump’s password?
A: 1forrest1
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Good morning everyboomie.
Hump Day already??
Well Tuesday was a great day. I took the dogs and ran out to the sod farm, and I was able to find two more points.
It was nice and cloudy and cool all morning. In the afternoon we got a little sunshine, and then the clouds came back.
Today I have to make a run to Walmart and restock the fridge.
This is where my will power really gets tempted the most nowadays. I'm almost always hungry.
Fortunately I haven't had any more dreams about eating fish fingers.
Have a happy one everyone.
joe
acebook
witter
