I want to thank you for taking time out of your day to come and witness my hanging.
~George W. Bush~
````````````````
Today at the bank, an old lady asked me to help check her balance. So I pushed her over.
```````
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day.
``````
I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.
`````
My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot. It got so bad, finally I had to take his bike away.
````
I'm so good at sleeping. I can do it with my eyes closed.
````
My boss told me to have a good day.. so I went home.
`````
Why is Peter Pan always flying? He neverlands.
`````
A woman walks into a library and asked if they had any books about paranoia. The librarian says "They're right behind you!"
```````
The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn't talking to me.
```````
Why do blind people hate skydiving? It scares the hell out of their dogs.
``````
When you look really closely, all mirrors look like eyeballs.
``````
My friend says to me: "What rhymes with orange" I said: "No it doesn't"
````
What do you call a guy with a rubber toe? Roberto.
````
What did the pirate say when he turned 80 years old? Aye matey.
`````
My wife told me I had to stop acting like a flamingo. So I had to put my foot down.
``````
I couldn't figure out why the baseball kept getting larger. Then it hit me.
`````
Why did the old man fall in the well? Because he couldn't see that well.
``````
I ate a clock yesterday, it was very time consuming.
```````
Whatdya call a french man wearing sandals? Phillipe Phillope.
``````
A blind man walks into a bar. And a table. And a chair.
``````
Good morning everyboomie.
It's FRIDAY!!!! 
Yeah Friday the 14th....WHEW! Close call, eh?
This morning I woke up with a really upset stomach.
I tried talking to it all morning to find out why it was so upset. Was it something I said, or something I did? But no, it just boiled and hissed at me, and rumbled much like an active volcano. Sheesh!
Probably something I ate.
We're two weeks into September. Getting into my favorite time of the year, Woo Hoo!
We're still getting up to the 90s for a couple of more weeks. Just at 90 or 91.
I can handle that okay, with the cooler mornings.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
acebook
witter
I am bringing home Nuggets boyfriend Otto for the weekend. They will both be so excited! 
Hope your trip goes well!
Hope your weekend isn't too busy.
ands the lastly Peter Pan - Fantastic 
smooth trip and great gaming. 
, hope you and Connie 