Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.
~Mark Twain~
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My step mother came to me and demanded that I take all her clothes off.
So I took off her blouse.
She said, “Now off with the skirt.”
I did, and she continued, “Now take off my stockings.”
And when I did that, she said, “Now the bra and the panties.”
I took them off. She continued, “And don’t ever let me catch you wearing my stuff again!”
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I spent half an hour trying to take off my girlfriend's bra. I gave up at the end. I wish I never tried it on in the first place.
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What can I eat in the evening in front of the TV that wouldn’t make me fat?
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Your fingernails.
>> I love to help in those online Q&A communities.
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I hope the children will never find out why I say ‘oooops….” so often when I vacuum their rooms.
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A smoothie. The miracle of selling somebody a peach and a banana for $5.
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Doctor, how can I live longer than 100 years?
Do you smoke?
No.
Do you eat too much?
No.
Do you go to bed late?
No.
Do you have affairs with promiscuous women?
No.
Then why would you want to live more than 100 years?
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That awkward moment when you notice the guy in front of you in the "10 items maximum" express cashier line has 11 things in his trolley...
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A student at a management school came up to a pretty girl and hugged her without any warning.
The surprised girl said, “What was that?”
The guy smiled at her, “Direct marketing!”
The girl slapped him soundly.
“What was that?!” said the boy, holding his cheek.
“Customer feedback.”
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I fear my neighbor may be stalking me, she's been googling my name last night on her computer.
I saw it clearly through my binoculars.
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How many Germans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Just one. They’re fiercely efficient and not really given to jokes.
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I was the best door-to-door security alarms salesmen for many years running.
The trick was to just leave a brochure on the kitchen table if there was nobody home.
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That moment when you want to be really cool in the cinema and start flipping popcorn into the air to catch it with your open mouth, but instead you get it in your open eye and the rest of the movie is just blurry.
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When your first child eats some earth, a bit of grass or a worm, you take it to a doctor. When your second child eats some earth, a bit of grass or a worm, you spit on a hankie and clean it. When your third child eats some earth, a bit of grass or a worm, you wonder whether it still needs lunch.
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You know you’re old when your friends start having kids on purpose.
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When somebody makes you really angry, count to three. When you get to two, punch them in the face. They won’t be expecting that.
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Two immigrants from Africa arrive in the United States and are discussing the difference between their country and the U.S.
One of them mentions he's heard that people in the U.S. eat dogs, and if they're going to fit in, they better eat dogs as well. So they head to the nearest hot dog stand and order two 'dogs.'
The first guy unwraps his, looks at it, and nervously looks at his friend.
"Which part did you get?"
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I just came back from a court. They charged the guy with bringing his own bag of candy, popcorn and soda to the cinema.
It’s really unjust that he lost. Eventually he had to pay the court fees and legal counsel. At least he’ still be a few dollars in the black compared to having bought all that at the cinema.
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Good morning everyboomie.
Hump Day already. Huh
It's been kinda busy for me this week. Right now I'm trying to figure out why 3 wall plugs in my bedroom stopped working.
I have a friend coming by in a few minutes who has more experience with that stuff. If he can't help me figure it out, then I call an electrician.
Other than that every thing is hunky dory here.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
acebook
witter
The internet provider was here today, and the new internet was installed. Everything is much faster now. 
loved the fingernail & neighbor joke hehehe very funny good luck with sorting out the wall plugs. 
, family 
and venus 
have a wonderful day all and happy gaming. 
