When I was a boy, the Dead Sea was only sick.
-
George Burns
````````````
Tonight I dreamt of a beautiful walk on a sandy beach.
At least that explains the footprints I found in the cat litter box this morning.
````
What do you get when you cross-breed a shark and a cow?
I have no idea but I wouldn’t try milking it.
````
"I wasn't that drunk yesterday was I?" "Oh boy you took the shower head in your arms and told it to stop crying.
````
Women really know how to hold a grudge. My wife asked me to pass her a lip balm. And by mistake, I gave her a tube of Super Glue. It’s been a month now and she’s still not speaking to me!
````
How can you tell you have a really bad case of acne?
It’s when the blind try to read your face.
````
Of course I should clean my windows. But my privacy is important too.
````
Sometimes it is very important if a sentence was said by a man or a woman. A good example: “I used a whole pack of tissues during that awesome movie yesterday!”
````
Two elephants meet a totally naked guy. After a while one elephant says to the other: “I really don’t get how he can feed himself with that thing!”
````
I just got a photo from a speeding camera through the mail. I sent it right back – way too expensive and really bad quality.
```
When my wife starts to sing I always go out and do some garden work so our neighbors can see there's no domestic violence going on.
````
Husband brings the child home from kindergarten and asks his wife, "He’s been crying the whole way home. Isn’t he sick or something?"
"No," replies the wife, "he was just trying to tell you he isn’t our kid."
````
My friend Robbie shocked and hurt me. He told me today that I make people very uncomfortable and have no respect for personal space. I mean, what a thing to say to a friend? It totally ruined our bath!
````
8 p.m. I get an SMS from my girlfriend: Me or football?!
11 p.m. I SMS my girlfriend: You of course.
````
At a disco:
He: “Wow, what’s a cute girl like you doing in a corner all alone?”
-
She: “I had to f*art.”
````
Two police officers crash their car into a tree. After a moment of silence, one of them says, “Wow, that’s got to be the fastest we ever got to the accident site.”
````
Wait for me honey, I’m just finishing my make-up.
You don’t need make-up, Jane.
Oh, Richard…. really? That is so sweet of you!
You need plastic surgery.
````
Broccoli: Hey, I look like a tree.
Mushroom: Wow, I look just like an umbrella.
Walnut: I look exactly like a brain.
Banana: Man, can we change the topic please?
````
Good morning everyboomie.
How about a big heaping helping of Monday?
You can have mine.
Just kidding, there might be great things in store for me today.
Not really planning on going to the store today though.
I'm not sure just what I'll be doing today. I had a great Sunday watching football and walking the dogs. Dallas didn't play Sunday, they play tonight.
I hope it's not a turkey of a game.
Did anyone else see that Rams and Saints game? WOW!!
Have a happy day everyone.
It sure is getting dark early now. I could go to bed at 7:00 if I want to catch up on my laying in bed awake.
joe
acebook
witter
Hope your busy week goes well, and you get some time to relax, too.
It will be worth it in the end, though. 
Good morning Joe Ana Family Venus Gerry Connie and, TaintedFury Midge SortaB and L4L when you make it in...
We made it home last night around midnight after a great trip home. 
