To attract men, I wear a perfume called New Car Interior.
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~Rita Rudner~
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Husband and Wife JokesHoney, do you think I gained weight?
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No, I think the living room got smaller.
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Honey, what will you give me for our 25th anniversary?
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A trip to Thailand?
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Wow, that’s awesome, and for our 50th anniversary?
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Then I'll join you.
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I got really angry with my sat nav today. I even yelled at it to go to hell. 20 minutes later, it stopped in front of my mother-in-law’s house.
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A man noticed his credit card has been stolen - but he never reported it. The thief was still spending considerably less than his wife.“
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A man and his wife have to go to a doctor. The doctor asks, “Do you share the same blood group?”
The husband replies, “We must by now. She’s been sucking my blood for years.”
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What's the difference between a bachelor and a married man? Bachelor comes home, checks out what's in the fridge & goes to bed. Married man comes home, checks out what's in the bed & goes to the fridge.
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Mommy, why are all the cars beeping their horns?
Because there’s a wedding going on.
But isn’t the horn a warning signal, Mommy?
Exactly, son
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My husband and I had very happy twenty years. Then we met.
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“I’ve had it with your silly remarks about my weight. I’m leaving you!”
“But honey, what about our child?”
“What child?!”
“Oh, so you’re not pregnant?”
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Childhood is when you go to the toilet in the night and then you run back and jump in your bed, glad that the monster under the bed didn’t get you.
Adulthood is when the monster lies in the bed next to you.
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At a medical check-up:
Do you do dangerous sports?
Well, sometimes I talk back at my wife.
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Arguing with the wife is a lot like trying to read the Terms of Use on the internet. In the end you just give up and go “I Agree”.
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I’ve never been married, but I can imagine how it feels. I once had a stone stuck in my shoe for 10 hours.
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Good morning everyboomie.
Well, I don't think we're going to see 70 degrees again for a while. We're in the 40s, 50s, 60s pretty much the rest of this month.
I'm so glad I went out to the sod farm today, and enjoyed the last really nice day.
I went and voted this morning, and then came back and got Missy and headed out.
I was out there quite a while, but only found one point, and a small scraper, but it is a very nice point.
We're supposed to have 80% chance of rain tonight, and then the mid 50s tomorrow.
I really look forward to getting up tomorrow, and figuring out what I might be doing for the day.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
acebook
witter
It's a 4 store day for me tomorrow.
Omg jokes very very funny especially the trip to Thailand one ..fantastic 
, Family 
sounds like it's time voting because we've got one coming up here too. Have fun everyone and Venus goodnight. 
drinking a coffee right hehehe.. 
try and keep cool cya.. 
you too happy gaming.. 