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Tuesday's #1168283
11/05/18 08:37 PM
11/05/18 08:37 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
Inside me there’s a thin person struggling to get out, but I can usually sedate him with four or five cupcakes.

~Bob Thaves~
````````````



Husband and Wife Jokes


Best first: Terrorism strikes no fear in my heart. I’ve been married for years.

````

Woman to her husband while at it: "Please say dirty things to me!"

Man: "Bath, Kitchen, Living room..."

````

My son wanted to know what it's like to be married. I told him to leave me alone and when he did I asked him why he was ignoring me.

````

I went through an expensive and painful procedure yesterday, having had my spine and both testicles removed. Still, some of the wedding presents were fantastic.

````

My wife’s cooking is so bad we usually pray after we eat.

````

Q: Why doesn’t our democratic society permit a man to have 2 wives?
-
A: Because our laws protect us against cruel and unusual punishment.

````

My wife told me she needs more space. I said no problem and locked her out of
the house.

````

My wife and I have been married for quite a few years and my wife asked me recently to get some pills that would make sure I’d be up to some action in the bedroom again.

I brought home diet pills. Apparently that was not what she meant.

````

What to give a man who’s got everything? A woman. She’ll tell him how everything works.

````

I think as marriages go, we’re doing absolutely awesome, I mean I get to sleep with my wife nearly every day!

Nearly on Monday
Nearly on Tuesday
Nearly on Wednesday
Nearly on Thursday
Nearly on Friday
Nearly on Saturday
Nearly on Sunday

````

I tried to re-marry my ex-wife.
-
But she figured out I was only after my money.

````

I got a call telling me my wife’s been taken to the hospital.

“Oh my Lord, how is she?!” I asked.

“I’m sorry to say she’s critical,” said the nurse.

“What the heck is she complaining about now?!”

````

A 60 year old millionaire is getting married and throws a big wedding reception.

His friends are quite jealous and in a quiet moment one of them asks him how did he land such a hot 23 year old beauty?

“Simple,” grins the millionaire, “I faked my age."

His friends are really amazed and ask him how much he said.

"Well", he replied. "I said I was 87!"

````

Marriage is an institution of three rings. Engagement ring, wedding ring and suffering.

```

A robber robs a bank, gets all the money and is about to leave, but before that he asks a customer who’s lying on the floor, “Have you seen me rob this bank?”
-
“Yes, sir,” says the customer and gets promptly shot.
-
“Have you seen me rob this bank?” the robber asks another customer.
-
“Absolutely not, sir, but my wife here saw everything!”

````

“Darling, can I go out in this dress?”

“Yes dear, it’s already dark out.”

````

It’s been raining for days now and my husband seems very depressed by it.

He keeps standing by the window, staring. I guess if it continues, I’ll have to let him in.

````

A little boy looks at his mum at a wedding and says, “Mummy, why is the girl dressed all in white?”
His mum answers, “The girls is called a bride and she is in white because she’s very happy and this is the happiest day of her life.”

The boy nods and then says, “OK, and why is the boy all in black?”

````

An elderly couple talk in the evening:
“Honey, I’m so sorry that I let out my anger at you so often. How do you manage to stay so calm with my foul moods?”
“I always go and clean the toilet when that happens.”
“And that helps?”
“Yes, because I use your toothbrush.”

````

Good morning everyboomie. wave2


I've been praying for a blinding blizzard to hit the area today, but I can see that my prayers are not going to be answered. cry


I guess I'm gonna have to go vote after all. snicker


I'm planning on maybe going to the sod farm either before or after I vote. Playing it by ear. yes


Monday was an awesome day, especially after the winds died down. Got up in the 70s, and I took Missy out about 4 or 5 times, just to enjoy the day. lab


I also mowed the lawn. Now THAT is absolutely the last time this year!! I mean it! slapforehead


I hope you all have a great day with lots of sunshine, so you can get out and do your civic duty. thumbsup


Have a happy day everyone. urock Rock the vote.


joe


There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1168291
11/05/18 11:34 PM
11/05/18 11:34 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
Joe, I did early voting last week since I have a very busy week. I'm so glad it's behind me. 70's sounds like heaven! 40's and raining here.

Long day yesterday, got home in time to shower, go through the mail and have a half hour to chill before bed. lol

soot and L4L, welcome back! So glad you had fun!

Have a happy day all! Make it a great day!


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1168294
11/06/18 12:09 AM
11/06/18 12:09 AM
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 7,402
marietta,georgia
family Offline
BAAG Specialist
family  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 7,402
marietta,georgia
cleaning the house.

Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1168297
11/06/18 12:26 AM
11/06/18 12:26 AM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist
venus  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Have a great day Joe, Ana, family and all who follow. wave

welcome back soot and L4L!

It's Monday night, and I'm off to sleep. It was a long work day today, and it looks as though I may have another one tomorrow. I only have 3 stores (though I may visit a fourth if the others end up taking less time than I think,) but two of the stores have two projects, and several projects are longer than average. woozy

Hope everyone has a fantastic Tuesday. fall


Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1168307
11/06/18 05:51 AM
11/06/18 05:51 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
Kaki's Sister Offline
Sonic Boomer
Kaki's Sister  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
Good Morning Joe, Ana, family, venus, and everyone. Joe Good Luck at the farm! Ana hope you have a stress free day. Family enjoy your day. Venus hope your work day is less busy. L4L and soot happy to see you both back! Coffee and tea are ready.
fall Wishing all Boomers a Great Day! fall


Gerry
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1168315
11/06/18 09:16 AM
11/06/18 09:16 AM
Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 1,169
RURAL - SEYMOUR VICTORIA, MELB...
Taintedfury Offline
Addicted Boomer
Taintedfury  Offline
Addicted Boomer

Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 1,169
RURAL - SEYMOUR VICTORIA, MELB...
Good morning Joe sherlock , Ana wavegirl ,Venus catrub ,family lab and Kaki's Sister kitty - have a terrific Tuesday everyone.. penguin

Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1168325
11/06/18 10:39 AM
11/06/18 10:39 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
connie Offline
Graduate Boomer
connie  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone, have a Super Tuesday. Voted this morning, having a friend over for lunch and Netflix. Dinner, Dancing, and Karaoke at 8-8 Panda tonight. It's a busy day. Danish, Eggs, Grits, Hash Browns, BB Pancakes, and Bacon in the NC. fall turkey


Connie
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1168361
11/06/18 04:17 PM
11/06/18 04:17 PM
Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 1,169
RURAL - SEYMOUR VICTORIA, MELB...
Taintedfury Offline
Addicted Boomer
Taintedfury  Offline
Addicted Boomer

Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 1,169
RURAL - SEYMOUR VICTORIA, MELB...
Hi Connie I hope you have one too:)

Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1168372
11/06/18 05:59 PM
11/06/18 05:59 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Wow, does anyone know if flying can make your body feel sore? I don't do it enough to know if this soreness is from flying or something else.

We are in the 70's, but quite overcast.

Son is off to pick up the Per.

Hope you all have a wonderful day wavegirl


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1168378
11/06/18 07:22 PM
11/06/18 07:22 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 37,661
Alabama
soot Offline
Puzzled Moderator
soot  Offline
Puzzled Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 37,661
Alabama
Tootin Toosday everybody laugh

Good day at work that's even better now that I am home happydance

Off to garden, game and myMusic!

Have a great evening wave2


Dan
...
To learn, read...To know, write...To master, teach...To live, play games & listen to whale music Stay Smart & Stay Safe
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1168403
11/07/18 12:08 AM
11/07/18 12:08 AM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
Nighty night...very long day.


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1168407
11/07/18 12:40 AM
11/07/18 12:40 AM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist
venus  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Good night, everyone. sleep


Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?
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