Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.
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Ronald Reagan
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My girlfriend said she expected me to treat her like a princess.
Very well, I married her to a weird guy old enough to be her grandpa to strengthen my business alliance with Germany.
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A woman is at a doctor after her husband’s check-up.
The doctor looks serious and says, “Mrs Connelly, your husband is very sick. He needs to rest and not get upset. I will prescribe you some sleeping pills.”
“Ok,” nods Mrs Connelly, “and how often should he take those?”
“Oh, they’re not for him, Mrs Connelly, they’re for you.”
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My wife asked me how many women I slept with so far. I said, “Only you, my darling, only you. I was awake with all the rest of them.”
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My wife was complaining that only women are capable of doing more than one thing at once and how unfair that was.
So I told her to just shut the heck up and walk away.
Yep, you guessed it. She couldn’t manage either.
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Husband leaves the house with the dog.
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Wife asks: "Are you taking the donkey for a walk?"
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Husband: "You mean the dog, right?"
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Wife: "Shush, I am talking to the dog!"
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That awkward moment, one year into your marriage, when you realize the husband-wife jokes weren’t all jokes…
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Man: What would you do if I suddenly won the lottery?
Wife: Frankly, George, I’d just take my half and leave you.
Man: Fantastic. I won $20 yesterday. Here’s your $10. See ya.
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I just got a new microwave for my wife.
It was a good trade.
I hope she will be happy with the new guy.
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A friend of mine asked if he could crash on the sofa. He said he’d like to stay at my place for a couple of nights.
I told him sorry I been married for six years now. Where do you think I sleep?
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Who doesn’t love waking up, looking at the person sleeping next to you and starting the day with a long, loving kiss? Apparently the airline had a different take on these things.
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My wife was feeling awfully sick when I got home from work. It was so bad I had to carry her to the kitchen so she could cook dinner.
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Wife: Phillip, you have no clothes on, and you're oiled. Why?! Please explain yourself.
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Husband: Well, you did nag me. You said that I never glisten!
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My wife had a terrible accident today with my car.
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OMG, is she hurt?
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Not yet. She's locked herself in the bathroom.
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That awkward moment when you realize that marital vows have robbed you of your right to a fair share of blanket.
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Good morning everyboomie.
It's Thursday!!!
I think.
It's gonna be a nice day today, and I'm driving down to the Sam's in Texas with my friend.
That's about it....
I hope your day is more exciting.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
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witter
I agree, this year has flown by!
Glad Thursday will be a normal 8 hour day. Hope your weekend is great!
