In those days the best painkiller was ice; it wasn't addictive and it was particularly effective if you poured some whiskey over it.
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~George Burns~
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Best Dad Jokes“Did you get a new haircut dad?” “No, I had them all cut, son.”
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Son: "Is this insecticide good for mosquitos?"
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Dad: "Not at all, it kills them!"
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“I’ll call you later!”
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“Please don’t do that. I’ve always asked you to call me Dad!”
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“Are you alright dad?”'
“Actually, technically, I’m half left and half right.”
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"Hey dad how was your weekend?" - "Light, dark, light, dark, Monday."
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Dad to his son: "I like you. You remind me of myself when I was young and dumb.
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"Daughter to her dad: "What is it?"
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Dad: “It” is a pronoun.
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You: “So, dad, I was thinking…”
Dad: “Ohhhhh and I wondered what that high-pitched grinding sound was!”
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Dad: Would you like to hear a construction joke?
[Yes]
Dad: Well I’m still working on it.
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"We drove past a city cemetery and my dad remarked, “Do you know why I can’t be buried here, boy?”
“Why?”
“Because I’m still alive.”
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Dad: I have a very secure job. There’s nobody else who would want it.
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Dad, I’m hungry!”
“Oh hello Hungry, I’m Dad!”
“But I’m really hungry!”
“And I’m really Dad.”
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Daughter: “How do I look, daddy?!”
Dad: “With your eyes, sweetheart.”
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Dad, I’m cold!
Go to the corner, son, there’s 90 degrees.
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When somebody asks my dad how he feels, he always replies, „With my hands.“
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Stop whining, you will never be the man your mother is.
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Father: Do you know the joke from the 3rd floor?
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Son: “No,”
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Father: Me neither, I was on the 2nd floor at the time.
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Good morning everyboomie.
Even for a Monday.
I woke up Sunday morning.
That was the high light.
We were about 20 degrees colder than Saturday. Still not bad though. It's just that the wind was blowing 25mph.
Poor Missy just kind of tumbled along beside me when we went out walking.
The leaves drive her crazy. She tries to dodge every one of them.
She barks at them, "LEAF ME ALONE!!"
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
acebook
witter
Sure, I could do it, but it's not my preference. 
We're going to see Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindlewald.
Wishing everyone a Happy Monday! 
