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#1170405 - 11/27/18 07:55 PM Happy Hump Day Joe's
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 32458
Loc: Calera, Oklahoma
There are three kinds of people in this world: those who make things happen; those who watch things happen; and those who wonder what the hell happened. -


Little Johnny Jokes | Part 2

Mother, “Johnny, if you keep being this naughty, you’ll have kids who will be very naughty to you!”

Johnny: “Oh mom, do you realize what you just said?”


Teacher: It’s the fourth time you’re late for school this week Johnny! Do you know what that means?!
Little Johnny: That it’s Thursday, Miss Bramwell.


After Sunday school, the teacher released the kids to go to church and reminded them, “You all know to be very nice and quiet in the church. And why is that?”

Little Johnny offers, "Miss, it’s so we wouldn’t wake all those people sleeping."


Sunday school teacher asks Johnny, “Come now, Little Johnny, tell me the truth, do you say your prayers before eating?”
Little Johnny smiles proudly, “No Miss, there’s no need, my mom cooks really well.”


A teacher in Sunday school once asked Little Johnny, "Johnny, do you believe in the Devil?"

"No," said Little Johnny knowledgeably. "It's just like with Santa Claus. I know he's really my dad."


Miss Taylor the English teacher writes an incorrect sentence on the board: “I didn’t had no fun for months.” Then she faces the class and says, “OK class, how should this be corrected?”

Little Johnny says, “I think you should get yourself a better man!”


I asked little Johnny, 'What would you like for your birthday?'
He said, 'Tampons please.'
I said, 'Tampons!? Why do you want tampons for your birthday!?'
He replied, 'I saw a great TV ad. With a tampon you can go swimming, biking and skiing.'


Little Johnny was sent back to bed for the tenth time that evening and his mommy is not amused. She says, “Johnny, if I hear one more time ‘Mommy, I want this, mommy, I want that’, you will be in big trouble! I don’t want to hear the word mommy again tonight. Now off to bed you go!” There’s a short pause, after which Johnny says hesitantly, “Mrs Lambden, I want a glass of water, please.”


Teacher asks Little Johnny, “Johnny, how old is your father?”

“He’s as old as me,” Johnny informs her.

“Now how would that be possible?” inquires the surprised teacher.

“Well – he became father the day I was born.”


Little Johnny is making faces at school. The teacher catches him at it and says, “You know when I was little and made faces, my dad told me a secret. And that is that when you keep making faces, your face finally can’t go back and you end up really ugly.”

Little Johnny quiets and says, “Well, at least you were warned…”


Teacher: “If you had two dollars and you asked your daddy for another dollar, how many dollars would you have in the end?”

Without hesitation, Johnny answers, “Two dollars.”

Teacher isn’t happy, “Come on, Johnny, you don’t know how to count.”

Johnny shrugs, “Maybe, but I do know my dad!”


Teacher asks his class one day, “What would you like to be when you grow up?”

Johnny answers first, saying, “I will follow in my father’s footsteps and become a policeman.”

Teacher raises his eyebrows, “Johnny, I didn’t know your father is a policeman.”

“Well, he isn’t,” explains Johnny. “He’s a thief.”


During an English lesson, the teacher asks, "Can anyone give me an example for the word ‘COINCIDENCE’?”

Little Johnny volunteers, "Sir, my mum and dad were married on the same day."


Little Johnny comes proudly to his mom: “Mom, I’ve got a great idea for an invention!”
Mom: “Cool, tell me.”

Johnny: “It’s a computerized hair-cutting machine. You put your head in a cube and the scissors cut whatever hairstyle you wish.”

Mom: “But how would that work, Johnny? People have all sorts of different head shapes and sizes!”

Johnny: “Only before hand, mom. Only before!”


Teacher: Tell us, Johnny, where is your father staying on business?

Johnny: In Vishakhapatnam.

Teacher: How interesting. And now tell us all how it is spelled.

Johnny: Oh, I just remembered he got reposted to Goa.


Good morning everyboomie. welcome the day after the day before Wednesday. grin

I guess that would make it the 28th of November. headscratch

All I know about it is that the Texans kicked some major booty last night. Eight in a row... penguin

Now on the day after the day after Tuesday I'm hoping the Cowboys will do some of the same said booty kicking. think

I'm getting dizzy. crazy

Have a happy day everyone. thumbsup

Pick any one you want. yes

There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats

#1170410 - 11/27/18 08:23 PM Re: Happy Hump Day Joe's [Re: gymcandy1]
family Online   content
Addicted Boomer

Registered: 06/16/10
Posts: 3918
Loc: marietta,georgia
doing it wednesday with unpeeled yukon gold potatoes, i do not know why she leaves her skin on her potatoes, i use to peel them.

#1170420 - 11/27/18 11:00 PM Re: Happy Hump Day Joe's [Re: gymcandy1]
venus Offline
Staff Reviewer
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 03/07/09
Posts: 8273
Loc: Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Have a great Wednesday Joe, family and all who follow. wave

It's Tuesday night, and I'm off to sleep. It's back to work for me again tomorrow. I only have two days of work, and then I get another 3 day weekend. After that, I'm not sure. I may or may not be able to create another 3 day weekend next week, but if not, it's fine. I've had so many days off lately that I won't complain. grin

Have a great Wednesday, everyone. fall

Edited by venus (11/27/18 11:01 PM)
Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?

#1170422 - 11/27/18 11:03 PM Re: Happy Hump Day Joe's [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Administrator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 76546
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Happy Hump Day all!

Could use some prayers and positive thoughts for my grand puppy please. He got sick at my house over Thanksgiving and went to the vet and had stomach surgery for what they thought was a blockage. It now appears his whole stomach and liver is cancerous. Waiting on results. They don't believe he will survive the week. He's only 8 and a chocolate lab. puppy
Don't feed the Trolls

#1170430 - 11/28/18 05:08 AM Re: Happy Hump Day Joe's [Re: gymcandy1]
Kaki's Sister Offline
True Blue Boomer

Registered: 11/21/04
Posts: 23340
Loc: Marlborough USA
Good Morning Joe, venus, Ana and everyone. Joe hope your Cowboys win their next game! Venus nice you have another 3 day weekend coming up. Ana so sorry to hear about your grand pup. It doesn't sounds very hopeful. Take care, I'm sending comforting thoughts and prayers.
Coffee and tea are ready.
cornucopia Hope it's a peaceful day for everyone. cornucopia

#1170434 - 11/28/18 06:02 AM Re: Happy Hump Day Joe's [Re: gymcandy1]
connie Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/12/02
Posts: 10662
Loc: winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone, have a Lovely Hump Day. Ana, Positive thoughts and Prayers for your grand puppy and family. hug Queen of Hearts at the Eagles tonight. Danish, Eggs, Grits, Hash Browns, BB Pancakes, Bacon, and Oatmeal in the NC. winter

#1170488 - 11/28/18 10:05 PM Re: Happy Hump Day Joe's [Re: gymcandy1]
soot Offline
Puzzled Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/16/05
Posts: 28803
Loc: Usually up an Alabama Tree
Happy Hump Day everyone laugh

Way to chilly to walk dogs this morning at 25 degrees so accomplished after getting home from work this afternoon.

Have a great evening everyone

To learn, read...To know, write...To master, teach...To live, play games & listen to whale music

#1170492 - 11/28/18 10:32 PM Re: Happy Hump Day Joe's [Re: gymcandy1]
venus Offline
Staff Reviewer
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 03/07/09
Posts: 8273
Loc: Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Good night, everyone. sleep
Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?


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