Retirement at 65 is ridiculous. When I was 65 I still had pimples. -
Funny Sayings | Part 4 | Very Funny Best first:
I didn’t fall down. The floor needed a hug.
Top 10 funny messages for an answering machine message
1. Hello, this is Frank's fridge. If you leave a message, I will attach it on my door with a magnet.
2. Hello, I am David's answering machine. And who are you?
3. Hello, this is Death speaking. If you leave your name and telephone number, I'll get back to you as soon as I can.
4. Hi, I'm at home but unfortunately too drunk to find the telephone. Please leave a message and I'll call you back as soon as I'm capable of it.
5. Hello, this is Daniel's answering machine. Please leave a message between the beeps: Beep-beep. Nothing? OK, good bye.
6. Hello, this is Anna's answering machine. I'm always here for you and I love listening to you. Please leave a message after the beep.
7. No, please not the beep. Please, noooo.... Beep
8. You have the right to remain silent, anything you say can and will be used against you. Please speak after the beep.
9. Hello, you are connected to the Vatican. All the confessionals are currently busy. Please explain your sins in full detail after the tone.
10. Hello? Hello? Yes, Aha... Well this is Tony's answering machine. Sorry he's not here. But you can leave him a message after the tone.
If somebody calls you ugly, you can just say, “You’ve mistaken me for your mirror again, didn’t you?”
After millions of years of evolution, you’re kind of a disappointment.
I’m breathing. That’s about it for today’s productivity.
A broad smile is a cooler way of showing your enemies that you have teeth.
I am an example to others. Not a good one, but heh, nobody's perfect.
Rule No. 1: Women are always right. Rule No. 2: If a woman is not right, Rule No.1 applies.
Men with piercings are ideal marriage material. They are not new to pain and they have experience with buying jewelry. - Gabi Köster -
Girls want a lot from one guy. On the other hand, a guy only wants one thing from a lot of girls.
Panic, Chaos, Pandemonium – my work here is finished.
Whoever said "nothing is impossible" clearly never tried slamming a revolving door.
May I be excused? My brain is quite full.
The perfect man doesn’t swear, doesn’t smoke, doesn’t get angry, doesn’t drink..............doesn’t exist.
Do not let your mind wander too much. It is too small for you to let it out alone.
The human body was clearly designed by a civil engineer. Who else would put a waste disposal pipeline running through a recreational area?
Just you keep on talking, for sure someday you’ll say something intelligent.
Every rule has an exception. This rule is no exception.
Monday office chat: There are days one should really just sleep through. Like Monday through Friday.
Promises are like babies… They’re fun to make but hard to deliver.
Good morning everyboomie.
Welcome to the new week! Get ready for a whole lotta good things coming your way this week.
Tis the season to spread love and cheer, and get love and cheer.
Ho Ho Ho you know.....
And since we're on the subject.....you have 21 shopping days till Christmas, so don't panic you still have plenty of time to get my gift, and get it in the mail.
It would be better if it were post marked by the 15th. No point in beating around the bush.
Too bad Sunday is over. I'll have to go back to watching football reruns.
Except for the game that's on right now.
Have a happy day everyone.