It’s useless to hold a person to anything they say when they are in love, drunk or running for office. -
~Shirley MacLaine~
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Funny sayings | Part 10 | Cool and Unusual
Best first: Nothing and no-one can stop me now! Oh no... a childlock!!!
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Experts say you shouldn’t eat at night. So who put the light bulb in the refrigerator?
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Funny bumper stickers: Do we know each other? No? Then please keep your distance. -
Sure, overtake me if you want. We'll meet again at the next traffic light. -
Braking is for suckers. - Am I driving too close in front of you? -
Escape vehicle. Please do not park too close. -
I'm also lost. There's no need to follow me.
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When somebody is totally angry, why not say: "Yes, young Skywalker. Come over to the dark side of the Force."
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A lot of people are only alive today because the law makes it impossible to shoot them.
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Never drive faster than a guardian angel can fly.
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Send out your heart to the emancipation movement, bearded women want to be loved too.
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What – me?! A stalker?! Never! I just like to be well informed, that’s all.
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There are days when you just want to envelope everybody with light and warmth… preferably through the use of a flamethrower.
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When somebody is bitching: “I’m sorry, your bitching time has expired. To buy more bitching time, please insert $5.
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My boyfriend is so ugly, I sometimes have to put roofies in my own drink.
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WARNING: Alcohol consumption may cause you to think that you are whispering when you are quite definitely not.
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I’m very sorry about all those texts I sent you last night, unfortunately, my phone was drunk.
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When a bird hits your window, how do you know God isn’t playing Angry Birds with you?
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Status update: 9 out of 10 voices in my head say that I'm crazy. The tenth is humming.
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When you're late:
I'm never late.
The others are simply too early!
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F5. It’s just so refreshing.
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The early worm gets the bird.
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When someone shakes his finger at me like ‘you’re going to regret this in the morning’, I just sleep until noon. I'm a natural solver.
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Last month I made a firm resolution to lose 10 pounds. I only have 15 to go.
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I don’t understand why there are so many people outside. I mean, don’t they have Netflix or what?!
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I’ve come to the conclusion that suicide would be the answer to all my problems. Now I just have to persuade the right people to go for it.
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Funny insult: Looking at you, I’d say you were born close to your home. That’s where most accidents happen.
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I'd like to take a moment and thank my legs and feet for a lifetime of support.
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My job is super confidential. As a result, I’ve no clue what I’m doing.
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Good Sunday morning everyboomie.
When I got up this morning (Saturday), I swore it was Sunday.
Then I finally figured out it was Saturday when I couldn't find any football games to watch.
What a disappointment!
This is Sunday, right??
We're supposed to warm up a bit today. I sure hope we do. I tried to take Missy out for a walk Saturday, and she didn't want to go.
We didn't get all that much rain. Just enough to make it wet and miserable with the 30 degree temperatures.
I hope you all have a warm and sunny Sunday.
joe