Maybe Christmas, the Grinch thought, doesn't come from a store.
~Dr. Seuss~
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Christmas Humor | Part 4Best first: “Dad, and where is Santa from?”
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“Well, judging by the majority of the gifts, I’d say he is from China.”
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When the three kings came to visit newborn Jesus, one of them slipped on the straw and twisted his ankle. “Jesus Christ!” he yelled in pain.
Mary looked questioningly at Joseph and said, “That actually sounds a lot better than Chester, doesn’t it?”
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What is the equivalent of a superdeath laser gun for snowmen?
A hairdryer.
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When I was buying our Christmas tree, the cheery seller asked if I’d be putting it up myself.
Disgusting man, I’ll be putting it in our living room of course!
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Little Johnny by the Christmas tree: “And are all these gifts from Santa?”
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“Yes Johnny,” beams his mother.
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“Oh, so you didn’t get me a darn thing again this year, did you.”
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A dog is gazing up at the Christmas tree and sighs with satisfaction, “Oh, my master is the best, as always. What dog can say they’ve had electrical lights installed in their indoor toilet?”
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Dear Santa, this year, I really don’t need you to bring me anything. Actually, could you possibly take away my mother in law?
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“Boss, can I take tomorrow off? My wife really needs help with Christmas cleaning,” asks Joe.
“Are you out of your head, man? I can’t give you a day off for this!” rumbles the boss.
“Oh thanks a lot, boss,” Joe smiles, relieved, “I knew I could rely on you!”
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Christmas is on my mind the whole 12 months before it comes.
It is also on my Visa bill the whole 12 months afterwards.
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Why are there no chimney sweeps in Scotland?
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Why pay for something that Santa does regularly for free?
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Billy asks his friend Joe, “Why would you want two sets of trains for Christmas?!”
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“Because I still have one to play when my dad is home!”
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Cats have it so much better… They have an indoor litterbox all year round. Dogs only get less than a month of living-room Christmas tree.
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Why do storks fly south for the winter?
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Because it would take forever if they walked.
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Why do Christmas trees suck at knitting?
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They eventually drop all their needles.
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What do you get when you make a snowman really, really mad angry?
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Frothy the Snowman.
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It’s a good thing Santa doesn’t suffer from dyslexia.
It would be inconvenient to receive a Christmas visit from Satan.
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In the morning of Christmas Eve, a lady rummages through the last remaining turkeys in the supermarket freezer.
“Do they get any bigger by any chance?” she asks the shop assistant with a sigh.
He looks at her for a while and says, “No madam, they are quite dead.”
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Do you want to know if there really is a Santa? Simply light a good fire on Christmas Eve.
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What do snowmen do in their spare time?
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They’re just chilling.
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What does a bald guy say when you give him a comb for Christmas?
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Oh thanks… I shall never part with it.
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What do you call Santa after he lost his undies?
Saint Knickerless.
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Doctor, I can’t get rid of the idea that I’m a Christmas bell, please help!
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Very well, take these pills twice daily and if they don’t work, give me a ring.
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Jedi knights have an extra advantage at Christmas. They can feel the presents.
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Good morning everyboomie.
Welcome to the weekend/part 2!
We finally got a full day of sunshine Saturday, and I took Missy out to the sod farm.
Missy had a blast, and I found one little bird point.
Sunday is football day......Yeah.
Actually enjoying football right now.
Saturday has two games. One is almost over, and I gotta get a shower before the next one starts.
Have a happy day everyone.
rah rah
joe
acebook
witter
for the cake! I think I ate my calories for the week yesterday. 
There was supposed to be a ferret I was to board for a few weeks but he changed his mind. I was really looking forward to it!
and surf 
Ana!