The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.
~Jay Leno~
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1. How did the ornament get addicted to Christmas?
He was hooked on trees his whole life.
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2. Why was Santa’s little helper depressed?
Because he had very low elf esteem.
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3. What does the Grinch do with a baseball bat?
Hits a gnome and runs.
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4. What do you call a broke Santa Claus?
Saint-nickel-less.
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5. What do you call a kid who doesn’t believe in Santa?
A rebel without a Claus.
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6. Why did Frosty ask for a divorce?
His wife's family was a bunch of flakes.
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7. Why does Scrooge love reindeer so much?
Because every single buck is dear to him!
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8. What do you get when you cross a duck with Santa?
A Christmas quacker.
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9. What’s Santa’s favorite snack food?
Crisp Pringles.
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10. Why do mummies like Christmas so much?
They’re into all the wrapping.
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One night a Viking named Rudolph the Red was looking out the window when he said, “It’s going to rain.”
His wife asked, “How do you know?”
“Because Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear.”
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Noah: What is a bird’s favorite Christmas story?
Mike: I haven’t a clue.
Noah: The Finch Who Stole Christmas.
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Tim: Did you know Santa had only eight reindeer last Christmas?
Jim: Huh?
Tim: Comet stayed home to clean the sink.
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As a little girl climbed onto Santa's lap, Santa asked the usual, "And what would you like for Christmas?" The child stared at him open mouthed and horrified for a minute, then gasped, "Didn't you get my E-mail?"
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Name That Christmas Carol Clues: 1. Bleached Yule
2. Castaneous-colored Seed Vesicated in a Conflagration
3. Singular Yearning for the Twin Anterior Incisors
4. Righteous Darkness
5. Arrival Time2400 hrs - WeatherCloudless
6. Loyal Followers Advance
7. Far Off in a Feeder
8. Array the Corridor
9. Bantam Male Percussionist
10. Monarchial Triad
11. Nocturnal Noiselessness
12. Jehovah Deactivate Blithe Chevaliers
13. Red Man En Route to Borough
14. Frozen Precipitation Commence
15. Proceed and Enlighten on the Pinnacle
16. The Quadruped with the Vermillion Probiscis
17. Query Regarding Identity of Descendant
18. Delight for this Planet
19. Give Attention to the Melodious Celestial Beings
20. The Dozen Festive 24 Hour Intervals
Need some help?
Here's your Answers: 1. White Christmas
2. Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire
3. All I Want for Christmas is My Two Front Teeth
4. O Holy Night
5. It Came Upon a Midnight Clear
6. O Come, All Ye Faithful
7. Away in a Manger
8. Deck the Hall
9. Little Drummer Boy
10. We Three Kings
11. Silent Night
12. God Rest Ye, Merry Gentlemen
13. Santa Claus is Coming to Town
14. Let it Snow
15. Go, Tell It on the Mountain
16. Rudolph, the Red-nosed Reindeer
17. What Child is This?
18. Joy to the World
19. Hark! The Herald Angels Sing
20. The Twelve Days of Christmas
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Good morning everyboomie.
Hump Day already?
Well counting today, only six more shopping days left before the big day.
We have 70% rain chances Wednesday,and then 25 mile an hour wind tomorrow, but other than that we're going to be in the upper 50s and lower 60s for the rest of the month, so no, no white Christmas for us.
I went down to Sam's today, and I'm all stocked up now, and ready for company.
I can't get Missy to lift a paw around here, so I guess I'll have to clean house myself.
She's about as useful as another female I'm close to.
Hmmm, for some reason that reminds me that my sister's birthday is the 26th.
I've got a little more shopping to do I guess. Very little.
Have an awesome day everyone.
joe
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witter
Joe! Seriously, you could do a stand up routine just on your sister! You make me laugh everytime you bring her up! 
Seriously Joe...you could do stand up comedy sitting down!
with the training, soot!
Then we can do the larger amount every other day. I'm really hoping this will work. We also had blood work done and should get the results tomorrow.
Sorry, that's the only "bird" emoticon I could find.