First you take a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes you.
~F. Scott Fitzgerald~
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How you elect to spend New Year’s Eve will depend on your:
1. age
2. remaining levels of optimism
3. threshold of pain
~Joseph Connolly~
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A new years resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other.
- Anonymous
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My New Year’s resolution is to eat better, so from now on, I’m going to only date guys who can afford to take me somewhere other than McDonalds.
- Melanie White
If you make a New Year’s resolution to eat a healthy diet, and you keep it, you won’t actually live longer, but it will seem longer.
- Greg Tamblyn
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Who has time to party on New Year's Eve? It takes me all evening to set my clocks ahead a year.
- Just Bill @WilliamAder
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"Out with the old, in with the new" is a fitting expression for a holiday that is based on vomiting.
- Andy Borowitz
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My brother's New Year's resolution is to move out of my parents house. You'd think after 49 years he'd try another one.
- Wickedwordslinger @StephenBCramer
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10...9...8...7...6...I think we should see other people...5...4...3...2...1...
Jake Vig @Jake_Vig
My new years resolution is not to shovel snow. Since I'm gonna be in Florida, I feel pretty good about it.
- Greg Tamblyn
As the year draws to a close, happy revelers jam New York’s Times Square to watch the traditional dropping of the illuminated ball, while in Denver a mellower throng gathers to ring in the new year with the lighting of the 200-Foot Doobie.
- Dave Barry
I guess the Mayans are wondering what all the excitement is about.
Just Bill @WilliamAder
May all your troubles last as long as your New Year's resolutions.
- Joey Adams
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I was going to quit all my bad habits for the new year, but then I remembered that nobody likes a quitter.
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My resolution was to read more so I put the subtitles on my tv.
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My wife still hasn't told me what my New Year's resolutions are.
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What happened to the man who shoplifted a calendar on New Year's Eve? He got 12 months!
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A New Year Prayer For the ElderlyGod, grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, The good fortune to run into the ones that I do, And the eyesight to tell the difference.
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Dieting - New Year Resolutions2015: I will get my weight down below 180 pounds.
2016: I will follow my new diet religiously until I get below 200 pounds.
2017: I will develop a realistic attitude about my weight.
2018: I will work out 3 days a week.
2019: I will try to drive past a gym at least once a week.
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New Year's Day Prayer for One and AllDear Lord So far this year I've done well. I haven't gossiped, I haven't lost my temper, I haven't been greedy, grumpy, nasty, selfish, or overindulgent. I'm very thankful for that. But in a few minutes, Lord, I'm going to get out of bed, and from then on I'm probably going to need a lot more help. Amen
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Good morning everyboomie.
You've successfully made it to a nuther fantastic day. Good for you.
In a couple of days you'll be ready to negotiate your way into a new year.
This next year I resolve to do more running. If the women aren't too slow, I'll get more exercise.
If their husbands are fast, I'll get even more.
Speaking of fast, I think I need to fast a few days after this last week.
I may not come down from this sugar high for another week.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
acebook
witter
Joe! You crack me up! 
Sounds like you've planned things out well, Joe.
Hope you have a great time with the animals before then, also.
