Honolulu – it’s got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, sharks for the wife’s mother.
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Ken Dodd
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Q: What does a nosey pepper do?
A: Gets jalapeno business!
Q: What do you call a fake noodle?
A: An Impasta
Q: What do you call an alligator in a vest?
A: An Investigator
Q: What happens if you eat yeast and shoe polish?
A: Every morning you'll rise and shine!
Q: "What's the difference between a guitar and a fish?"
A: "You can't tuna fish."
Q: What do you call a small pile of kittens?
A: A meole hill.
Q: What do you call a big pile of kittens
A: a meowntain
Q: What do you call a baby monkey?
A: A Chimp off the old block.
Q: Did you hear about the race between the lettuce and the tomato?
A: The lettuce was a "head" and the tomato was trying to "ketchup"!
Q: Did you hear about the hungry clock?
A: It went back four seconds.
Q: What do you call a boy who finally stood up to the bullies?
A: An ambulance.
Q: Why can't you give Elsa a balloon?
A: Because she will Let it go.
Q: What do you get from a pampered cow?
A: Spoiled milk.
Q: If Mississippi bought Virginia a New Jersey, what would Delaware?
A: Idaho... Alaska!
Q: Did you hear about that new broom?
A: It's sweeping the nation!
Q: What do you call an elephant that doesn't matter?
A: An irrelephant.
Q: What do lawyers wear to court?
A: Lawsuits!
Q: What gets wetter the more it dries?
A: A towel.
Q: Where do crayons go on vacation?
A: Color-ado!
Q: Why did the belt get arrested?
A: He held up a pair of pants.
Q: What do you call a fat psychic?
A: A four chin teller.
Q: What do you call a computer floating in the ocean?
A: A Dell Rolling in the Deep.
Q: What did Bacon say to Tomato?
A: Lettuce get together!
Q: What do you call a computer that sings?
A: A-Dell
Q: Did you hear about the shampoo shortage in Jamaica?
A: It's dread-full.
Q: What is it called when a cat wins a dog show?
A: A CAT-HAS-TROPHY!
Q: How do you make a tissue dance?
A: Put a little boogey in it!
Q: Why are your feet more special than your other body parts?
A: Because they have their own soul.
Q: What is heavy forward but not backward?
A: Ton.
Q: What do you call a gangsta snowman?
A: Froze-T
Q: What did the femur say to the patella?
A: I kneed you.
Q: What do you get if you cross a cat with a dark horse?
A: Kitty Perry
Q: Why did the picture go to jail?
A: Because it was framed.
Q: What do you call a three-footed aardvark?
A: a yardvark!
Q: What do you get when you cross fish and an elephant?
: Swimming trunks.
Q: Where do bees go to the bathroom?
A: At the BP station!
Q: Who earns a living driving their customers away?
A: A taxi driver.
Q: What do you call a laughing jar of mayonnaise?
A: LMAYO
Q: What do you call a dinosaur with a extensive vocabulary?
: a thesaurus.
Q: "How do you shoot a killer bee?"
A: "With a bee bee gun."
Q: How do you drown a Hipster?
A: In the mainstream.
Q: What kind of jokes do you make in the shower?
A: Clean Jokes!
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Good morning everyboomie.
Well I guess it's back to the real world now, huh?
My world is really cold and really boring.
We may even get to see some real snow in the next 24 to 36 hours.
Hell froze over.
I think what we REALLY will see is freezing rain.
I've really gotta cut more firewood. I don't have a fireplace, but it works just as well in my gas oven.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
acebook
witter
Joe! Hell Froze over here too... 
Have a stress free day everyone! 
You know how babies are. 
