I surround myself with good people who make me feel great and give me positive energy.
~Ali Krieger~
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A big steel company was feeling it was time for a shakeup so they hired a new head of human resources. Well, the new boss was determined to rid the company of all slackers.
On a tour of the facilities, this HR supremo noticed a guy leaning against a wall. The room was full of workers and he wanted to let them know that he meant business; so he asked the guy, "How much money do you make a week?"
A little surprised, the young man looked at him and said, "I make $500 a week. Why?" Funny Human Resources Stories
The Human Resources boss said, "Wait right here." He walked back to his office, came back in two minutes, and handed the guy $2,000 in cash and said, "Here's four weeks' pay. Now GET OUT and don't come back."
Feeling pretty good about himself, the new boss looked around the room and asked, "Does anyone want to tell me what that slacker did here?"
From across the room a voice said, "Pizza delivery guy from Domino's."
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Funny Appraisals
Gets along extremely well with superiors and subordinates alike: A coward.
Happy: Paid too much.
Hard worker: Usually does it the hard way.
Identifies major management problems: Complains a lot.
Indifferent to instruction: Knows more than superiors.
Internationally know: Likes to go to conferences and trade shows in Las Vegas.
Is well informed: Knows all office gossip and where all the skeletons are kept.
Inspires the cooperation of others: Gets everyone else to do the work.
Is unusually loyal: Wanted by no-one else.
Keen sense of humour: Knows lots of dirty jokes.
Keeps informed on business issues: Subscribes to Playboy and National Enquirer.
Listens well: Has no ideas of his own.
Maintains a high degree of participation: Comes to work on time.
Maintains professional attitude: A snob.
Meticulous in attention to detail: A nitpicker.
Mover and shaker: Favours steamroller tactics without regard for other opinions.
Not a desk person: Did not go to college.
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Dreading another boring company meeting? Don't despair, have some fun with it! Make it more exciting and memorable by trying some of these Ways to Liven Up a Meeting:
Spill coffee on the conference table. Make a little paper boat and sail it down the table.
Give a broad wink to someone else at the table. In time, wink at everyone.
Occasionally turn to the person next to you and twirl your index finger around your ear as if to indicate that the speaker is slightly crazy and everybody knows it.
Bring a hand puppet, preferably an animal. Ask it to clarify difficult points.
When there is a call for questions, lean back in your chair, prop your feet up on the table, smile contentedly, and say, "Well, here's the way I see it, J.B..." (or any other impressive-sounding initials that are not actually your boss').
Bring a small mountain of computer printouts to the meeting. Include some old-fashioned fanfold paper for dramatic effect. Every time the speaker makes a point, check for it in one of the printouts. Pretend to find substantiating evidence, nod vigorously, and say, "uh-huh, uh-huh!"
Stay behind as everyone else, including the boss, leaves. Thank them for coming.
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How Bad Is the Economy?'Hot Wheels' and 'Matchbox' stocks are trading higher than General Motors.
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Funny Economic Jokes If the bank returns your check marked "Insufficient Funds," you call them and ask if they meant you or them.
A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico.
I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.
Due to current economic conditions the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off.
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The European Bailout PackageIt is a slow day in a little Greek Village. The rain is beating down and the streets are deserted. Times are tough, everybody is in debt, and everybody lives on credit.
On this particular day a rich German tourist is driving through the village, stops at the local hotel and lays a €100 note on the desk, telling the hotel owner he wants to inspect the rooms upstairs in order to pick one to spend the night.
The owner gives him some keys and, as soon as the visitor has walked upstairs, the hotelier grabs the €100 note and runs next door to pay his debt to the butcher.
The butcher takes the €100 note and runs down the street to repay his debt to the pig farmer. The pig farmer takes the €100 note and heads off to pay his bill at the supplier of feed and fuel. The guy at the Farmers' Co-op takes the €100 note and runs to pay his drinks bill at the tavern. The publican slips the money along to a salesman drinking at the bar, who has also been facing hard times and has had to offer him goods on credit. The salesman then rushes to the hotel and pays off her room bill to the hotel owner with the €100 note.
The hotel proprietor then places the €100 note back on the counter so the rich traveler will not suspect anything. At that moment the traveler comes down the stairs, picks up the €100 note, states that the rooms are not satisfactory, pockets the money, and leaves town.
No one produced anything.
No one earned anything.
However, the whole village is now out of debt and looking to the future with a lot more optimism.
And that, Ladies and Gentlemen, is how the European bailout package works.
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Police Take Up a CollectionA lobbyist on his way home from Parliament after a Parliamentary Enquiry into Trading Practices by Britain's leading Bank Executives is stuck in traffic. Several of the former Bank Executives and CEO's have agreed to return their extravagant Pensions.
Noticing a police officer, he winds down his window and asks: "What's the hold up Officer?" The policeman replies: "The Chief Executive of the U.K.'s largest Bank has become so depressed he's stopped his motorcade and is threatening to douse himself with petrol and set himself on fire because of the shame of what he has done."
"Myself and all the other motorcade police officers are taking up a collection because we feel sorry for him."
The lobbyist asks: "How much have you got so far?"
The Officer replies: "About 40 gallons, but a lot of officers are still siphoning."
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Good morning everyboomie.
I hate to post and run but I'm watching the Houston game and I need to run and get my shower before the Dallas game gets started.
Houston was down 21 to 0 and now it's 21 to 7 with 7:59 to go.
Come on Houston!!
We've had a real nice day here. I went to the sod farm and got lots of exercise.
Have a super Sunday everyone.
joe
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Have a Wonderful Sunday Everyone! 
Nothing much going on here today. Yesterday's voice lesson went well. Have to get in more practice today. I just finished arranging my schedule for this week (looks like I'll have a 3 day weekend 
