A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, “At my age, I don’t even buy green bananas." -
~Claude Pepper~
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Another Batch of Funny Newspaper Headlines Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case Newspaper headlines - Drunk funny story
Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted
Survivor of Siamese Twins Joins Parents
Iraqi Head Seeks Arms
Eye Drops off Shelf
Reagan Wins on Budget, But More Lies Ahead
Shot Off Woman's Leg Helps Nicklaus to 66
Enraged Cow Injures Farmer with Axe
Two Soviet Ships Collide, One Dies
Two Sisters Reunited after 18 Years in Checkout Counter
Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge Correction
Deer Kill 17,000
Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge
New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
Chef Throws His Heart into Helping Feed Needy
Fire British Union Finds Dwarfs in Short Supply
Ban On Soliciting Dead in Trotwood
Lansing Residents Can Drop Off Trees
Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half New
Vaccine May Contain Rabies
College Opens Doors to Hearing
Old School Pillars are Replaced by Alumni
Include your Children When Baking Cookies
Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
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Out-takes - Intriguing newspaper headlines Bank Drive-in Window Blocked by Board
British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands
Air Head Fired Steals Clock, Faces Time
Lung Cancer in Women Mushrooms
Farmer Bill Dies in House
Teacher Strikes Idle Kids
Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash
Probe Told Miners Refuse to Work after Death
Drunken Drivers Paid £1000
War Dims Hope for Peace
If Strike isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last a While
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead Funny newspaper headlines
Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
Arson Suspect is Held in Massachusetts
Man Minus Ear Waives Hearing Deaf
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From the South Wales ArgusEmily Tomlinson reporting to the police that her Ford Focus car was stolen. In the report she also mentioned sheepishly that her Nokia phone was in the car.
The policeman who took down her details was quick-thinking and called Emily's Nokia phone and told the person who answered that he had read seen an advert in the Argus, and the Ford seemed just the car he was looking for. They arranged to meet in a motorway service on the M4, where the thief was arrested.
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Good morning everyboomie.
How the heck is everyone?
I am awesome.....if I do say so myself.
Monday was just gorgeous here. We hit 70 degrees. It was 61 degrees when I got up......at noon.
No, I actually got up at 7:30. Missy took me for at least 3 walks today. Whew!
In between the walks I napped on the couch.
It says we'll be 63 degrees Tuesday, and then it gets much cooler the rest of the week.
When I get out of bed in the morning I'll decide if I think it's worth my time getting dressed or just staying in bed.
It's nice being the master of my own destiny.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
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witter
We will be down to 13 degrees by Wednesday. Can I trade you? 
Hope you don't have to be out too long that day.
Wishing you all a wonderful day! 
L4L
I couldn't hang in there for the whole thing. 
Hope you're doing well.