I bought one of those tapes to teach you Spanish in your sleep. During the night, the tape skipped. Now I can only stutter in Spanish.
~Steven Wright~
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This is allegedly a true storyThe name of a two-year-old boy was listed on the country's list of wanted suspects. He was briefly banned from getting on a plane bound for Turkey. The details on the toddler's passport had been the same as those in an arrest warrant, even the date of birth.
'While going through the passport checking procedures to get on board, one of the officers on duty said they wanted to take Suhail,' Emirates Today quoted the boy's father, Abdullah Mohamed Saleh, as saying. 'I thought he was kidding me and said 'Take him if you want'. He showed me a print-out of a document that said Suhail was wanted and there was an arrest warrant for him.'
Officials said they would investigate the cause of the mix-up.
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Hilarious Government Logic1) On the day Aaron immigrated to the USA, he was given an alien ID card that featured a lovely photo of himself at the age of 15. Some years later, when he went to the courthouse to become a citizen, a clerk confiscated his card.
'What will you do with it?' his wife, Rebecca, asked.
'We burn it!' came the abrupt answer.
'Could you please cut the photo off and let us keep it?' pleaded Rebecca, who had not known Aaron when he was 15.
'Certainly not,' said the "jobsworth" clerk. 'This card is official U.S. government property. As such it cannot be mutilated before it's destroyed.'
2) Sadly, no one is safe from receiving the dreaded *pink slip.
Recently, a job application came across my desk at the federal personnel office in Washington, D.C. It was written on a standard form, which includes the question, "Why did you leave your previous employment?"
The applicant, a former U.S. Congressman, responded, 'The express wish of 116,000 voters.'
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Strange But True Newspaper StoriesFrom The Atlanta Daily:SINGLE BLACK FEMALE seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant. I'm a very good looking girl who LOVES to play. I love long walks in the woods, riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping and fishing trips, cozy winter nights lying by the fire. Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand. Rub me the right way and watch me respond. I'll be at the front door when you get home from work, wearing only what nature gave me. Kiss me and I'm yours. Call (404) 875-6420 and ask for Daisy.
Over 15,000 men found themselves talking to the Atlanta Humane Society about an 8-week old black Labrador retriever.
Men are so easy....
From The Guardian NewspaperConcerning a sign seen in a Police canteen in Christchurch, New Zealand:
'Will the person who took a slice of cake from the Commissioner's Office return it immediately. It is needed as evidence in a poisoning case.'
British News From the Churchdown Parish Magazine:'Would the Congregation please note that the bowl at the back of the Church labelled 'For The Sick' , is for monetary donations only.' Funny Newpaper correction
From The Daily TelegraphA piece headed 'Brussels Pays 200,000 Pounds to Save Prostitutes':
' ... the money will not be going directly into the prostitutes' pocket, but will be used to encourage them to lead a better life. We will be training them for new positions in hotels.'
From The Derby Abbey Community News:'We apologize for the error in the last edition, in which we stated that 'Mr Fred Nicolme is a Defective in the Police Force'. This was a typographical error. We meant of course that Mr Nicolme is a Detective in the Police Farce.'
From The Gloucester Citizen:'A caller complained to Trading Standards. After dialling an 0891 number from an advertisement entitled, 'Hear Me Moan', the caller was played a tape of a woman nagging her husband for failing to do jobs around the house. Consumer Watchdogs in Dorset refused to look into the complaint, saying, 'He got what he deserved.'
People everywhere confuse what they read in newspapers with news.
AJ Liebling
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More Funny Newspaper Stories Norfolk VirginiaPolice in Norfolk, Virginia, interrogated a suspect by placing a metal colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy machine. The message ' He's lying' was placed in the copier, and police pressed the copy button each time they thought the suspect wasn't telling the truth. Believing the 'lie detector' was working, the suspect confessed.
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Safety film - ReportA company trying to continue its five-year perfect safety record showed its workers a film aimed at encouraging the use of safety goggles on the job. According to the Health and Safety Council News, the film's depiction of gory industrial accidents was so graphic that twenty-five workers suffered minor injuries in their rush to leave the screening room. Thirteen others fainted, and one man required seven stitches after he cut his head falling off a chair while watching the film.
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Good morning everyboomie.
How nice to see you all this morning.
Someone needs to put a house coat on.
Today I am descending back into hibernation mode as our temperatures descend back into the frigid level.
When it's colder outside than it is in my refrigerator......well.....you'll never see me crawling into my fridge because I just love freezing to death.
Actually we're only going down to 48 degrees, so it's not that bad....but still.
Whatever you have going on today, I hope you have a great day.
joe
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Glad the new puppy will be fun to work with. 
It will be a somewhat busy day but nothing like Tuesday, thankfully.
