A Canadian psychologist is
selling a video that teaches you how to test your dog’s IQ. Here’s how it works: If you spend $12.99 for the video, your dog
is smarter than you.
~Jay Leno~
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More Funny Newspaper Stories NorwayNorwegian business consultant Hendrik Pedersen worked for 13 years on a book about Norwegian economic solutions. He took the 250-page manuscript to be copied, only to have it reduced to 50,000 strips of paper in seconds when a worker confused the copier with the shredder. Maths Problem
MexicoA man in Mexico City, shot his 49 year old friend in the face, seriously wounding him, while the two practiced shooting beer cans off each other's head.
Devon, EnglandHiding in the depths of Sunday's Observer newspaper was this amusing snippet
Mr and Mrs K. Lyons have been renovating their old house in Exeter, Devon. Mr Lyons, an architect, and his wife Ginny found, to their amazement, a post card stuck in an old front door after taking it off its hinges. Nothing worth commenting on here until they viewed the date on the post card. It had been posted in 1896.
HL Mencken the journalist and 'Sage of Baltimore', said of newspapers:
All successful newspapers are ceaselessly querulous and bellicose. They never defend anyone or anything if they can help it; if the job is forced on them, they tackle it by denouncing someone or something else.
Advertisement from the Federation of Small BusinessesWanted for a Regional Organiser - Leicestershire, Northamptonshire and Rutland a person with business acumen, self-motivation and management skills. 'The ability to speak Welsh would be an advantage'.
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Royal Navy Officer Saves Life of Army Colleague in Horse-Back Riding Mishap
Wokingham News, Berkshire, England.An Army Officer assigned to the Military Academy in Sandhurst narrowly escaped serious injury recently when he attempted horseback riding with no prior experience. After mounting his horse unassisted, the horse immediately began moving. As it galloped along at a steady and rhythmic pace, the officer, Lieutenant Tommy Thomas, began to slip sideways from the saddle.
Although attempting to grab for the horse's mane Thomas could not get a firm grip. He then threw his arms around the horse's neck but continued to slide down the side of the horse. The horse galloped along, seemingly oblivious to its slipping rider. Finally, losing his grip, the Lieutenant attempted to leap away from the horse and throw himself to safety. His foot, however, became entangled in the stirrup, leaving him at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as his head and upper body repeatedly struck the ground.
Moments away from unconsciousness, and probable death, to his great fortune Commodore Steve Cleary [RN Ret'd] shopping at Waitrose, saw him and quickly unplugged the horse.
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Newspaper Story - Roget's Thesaurus UpdatePut a sock in it
A lorry loaded with thousands of copies of Roget's Thesaurus crashed as it left a Manchester publishing house last Tuesday, according to the daily newspapers.
When the authorities caught up with the witnesses, we found them stunned, startled, aghast, taken aback, stupefied, confused, punchy, shocked, rattled, paralyzed, dazed, bewildered, mixed up, surprised, awed, dumbfounded, nonplussed, flabbergasted, astounded, amazed, confounded, astonished, boggled, overwhelmed, horrified, numbed, and perplexed.
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A Humorous Guide to USA Newspaper Readers
The Wall Street Journal is read by the people who run the country.
The New York Times is read by people who think they run the country.
The Washington Post is read by people who think they should run the country.
USA Today is read by people who think they ought to run the country but don't really understand the Washington Post. They do, however like the smog statistics shown in pie charts.
The Los Angeles Times is read by people who wouldn't mind running the country, if they could spare the time, and if they didn't have to leave L.A. to do it.
The Boston Globe is read by people whose parents used to run the country.
The New York Daily News is read by people who aren't too sure who's running the country, and don't really care as long as they can get a seat on the train.
The New York Post is read by people who don't care who's running the country either, as long as they do something really scandalous, preferably while intoxicated.
The San Francisco Chronicle is read by people who aren't sure there is a country, or that anyone is running it; but whoever it is, they oppose all that they stand for. There are occasional exceptions if the leaders are handicapped minority, feministic atheist dwarfs, who also happen to be illegal aliens from ANY country or galaxy as long as they are democrats.
The Miami Herald is read by people who are running another country, but need the baseball scores.
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Thought-Provoking Advertising Quotes and Sayings What is the difference between unethical and ethical advertising? Unethical advertising uses falsehoods to deceive the public; ethical advertising uses truth to deceive the public. Vilhjalmur Stefansson.
Let advertisers spend the same amount of money improving their product that they do on advertising and they wouldn't have to advertise it. Will Rogers
The trouble with us in America isn't that the poetry of life has turned to prose, but that it has turned to advertising copy. Louis Kronenberger
It is difficult to produce a television documentary that is both incisive and probing when every twelve minutes one is interrupted by twelve dancing rabbits singing about toilet paper. R. Serling
Advertising is the rattling of a stick inside a swill bucket. George Orwell
Advertising may be described as the science of arresting human intelligence long enough to get money from it. Stephen Leacock
Advertising is 85% confusion and 15% commission. Fred Allen
Doing business without advertising is like winking at a girl in the dark. You know what you are doing, but nobody else does. Stuart H. Britt
Half the money I spend on advertising is wasted; the trouble is I don't know which half. John Wanamaker
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Rampant Sexism in Long Forgotten AdvertsIt is our job to make women unhappy with what they have. B. Earl Puckett
WIVESLook this ad over carefully. (See right) Circle the items that you want for Christmas. Show it to your husband. If he does not go to the store immediately, cry a little. Not a lot, just a little. He'll go. He'll go
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Old Advertising TricksWhen Gerber first started selling baby food in Africa, they used the same packaging as in the USA with the baby on the label. Later they found out that in Africa companies routinely put pictures on the label of what's inside since most people can't read.
Cocaine 'Toothache Drops' AdvertCocaine was sold to cure toothache, sore throat, neuralgia, nervousness, headache, colds and sleeplessness in the 1880s
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Top Ten Hilarious and Funny Advertising 1 The American Dairy Association was so successful with its "Got Milk?" campaign, that it was decided to extend the ads to Mexico. Unfortunately, the Spanish translation was "Are you lactating?""
2 Electrolux, a Scandinavian vacuum manufacturer, used this advert in the USA: "Nothing sucks like an Electrolux."
3 When Braniff Airlines translated a slogan touting its upholstery, "Fly in leather," it came out in Spanish as "Fly naked."
4 Coors beer put its slogan, "Turn it loose," into Spanish, where it was read as "Suffer from diarrhoea."
5 Bacardi concocted a fruity drink with the name "Pavian" to suggest French chic...but "pavian" translates as "baboon" in German.
6 A hair products company, Clairol, introduced the "Mist Stick", a curling iron, into Germany only to find out that mist is slang for manure. Not too many people had use for the manure stick.
7 When Pepsi started marketing its products in China a few years back, they translated their slogan, "Pepsi Brings You Back to Life" literally. The slogan in Chinese really meant, "Pepsi Brings Your Ancestors Back from the Grave."
8 In Italy, a campaign for "Schweppes Tonic Water" translated the name into the much less thirst quenching "Schweppes Toilet Water."
9 The Chevrolet Nova car never sold well in Spanish speaking countries. "No va" means "it doesn't go" in Spanish.
10 In the French part of Canada, Hunt-Wesson introduced its "Big John" products as "Gros Jos." It later found out that the phrase is slang for "big breasts."
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Good morning everyboomie.
IT'S FRIDAY!!! 
Other than that one distinction, everything else is about the same as yesterday, on my end.
We did go out for a little walk at about 3:00. The rest of the day was spent gaming.
Which is where I'm headed back to, as soon as I get this diner posted.
I hope your days are sweet, and your nights are divine.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
acebook
witter
Wishing you all a great Friday! 
Old hat for the Coloradians but lots of fun for me. We got our errands done yesterday, so we can stay in and look at the snow without having to be in it. Daughter said something about going to Target. I laughed. 
