Nobody wants a pain reliever that’s anything less than extra-strength: “Give me the maximum-allowable dosage. Figure out what will kill me, and then back it off a little bit.”
~Jerry Seinfeld~
````````````````
A Funny, Hilarious Story Illustrating What Women Want In Life Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighbouring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him but was moved by Arthur's youth and ideals. So, the monarch offered him his freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer and, if after a year, he still had no answer, he would be put to death.
The question? What do women really want? Such a question would perplex even the most knowledgeable man, and to young Arthur, it seemed an impossible query; but, since it was better than death, he accepted the monarch's proposition to have an answer by year's end.
Arthur returned to his kingdom and began to poll everyone: the princess, the priests, the wise men and even the court jester. He spoke with everyone, but no one could give him a satisfactory answer. Many people advised him to consult the old witch, for only she would have the answer. But the price would be high; as the witch was famous throughout the kingdom for the exorbitant prices she charged.
The last day of the year arrived and Arthur had no choice but to talk to the witch. She agreed to answer the question, but he would have to agree to her price first. The old witch wanted to marry Sir Lancelot, the most noble of the Knights of the Round Table* and Arthur's closest friend. Young Arthur was horrified. She was hunchbacked and hideous, had only one tooth, smelled like sewage and made obscene noises. He had never encountered such a repugnant creature in all his life.
Arthur refused to force his friend to marry her and endure such a terrible burden; but Lancelot, learning of the proposal, spoke with Arthur. He said nothing was too big of a sacrifice compared to Arthur's life and the preservation of the Round Table. Hence, a wedding was proclaimed and the witch answered Arthur's question thus: 'What a woman really wants,' she answered, 'is to be in charge of her own life.'
Everyone in the kingdom instantly knew that the witch had uttered a great truth and that Arthur's life would be spared and so it was, the neighbouring monarch granted Arthur his freedom and Lancelot and the witch had a wonderful wedding.
The honeymoon hour approached and Lancelot, steeling himself for a horrific experience, entered the bedroom; what a sight awaited him. There was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen before him. The astounded Lancelot asked what had happened and the beauty replied that since he had been so kind to her when she appeared as a witch, she would henceforth, be her horrible deformed self only half the time and the beautiful maiden the other half.
Which would he prefer? Beautiful during the day....or night?
Lancelot pondered the predicament. During the day, a beautiful woman to show off to his friends, but at night, in the privacy of his castle, an old witch? Or, would he prefer having a hideous witch during the day, but by night, a beautiful woman for him to enjoy wondrous intimate moments?
What would YOU do?
What Lancelot chose is below, but....make YOUR choice before you scroll down below.
Noble Lancelot said that he would allow her to make the choice herself.
Upon hearing this, she announced that she would be beautiful all the time because he had respected her enough to let her be in charge of her own life.
Now .....what is the moral to this story?
Scroll down
Winchester Great Hall
The moral is: "If you don't let a woman have her own way....things are going to get ugly"
Author unknown````
A Pack of Playing Cards?They say that marriage is like a deck of cards, you start out with two hearts and a diamond, and end up with a club and a spade.
````
Ten Funny Things About Marriage1 The woman always makes the rules
2 These rules are subject to change without notice
3 No man can possibly know all the rules
4 The woman is never wrong
5 If it appears the woman is wrong, it is because of a flagrant misunderstanding caused by something the man did or said
6 The man must apologise immediately for causing the misunderstanding
7 The woman can change her mind at any time
8 The man must never change his mind without the proper consent of the woman
9 The man must read the mind of the woman at all times
10 At all times, what is important is what the woman meant, not what she said.
````
An elderly Italian man lay dying in his bed. While suffering the agonies of impending death, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite Italian anisette sprinkle cookies wafting up the stairs.
Gathering his remaining strength, he lifted himself from the bed. Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort, gripping the railing with both hands he crawled downstairs. With labored breath, he leaned against the door frame, gazing into the kitchen. Where if not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven, for there, spread out upon waxed paper on the kitchen table were literally hundreds of his favorite anisette sprinkled cookies.
Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of heroic love from his devoted Italian wife of sixty years, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man?
Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself towards the table, landing on his knees in a crumpled posture. His parched lips parted, the wondrous taste of the cookie was already in his mouth, seemingly bringing him back to life.
The aged and withered hand trembled on its way to a cookie at the edge of the table, when it was suddenly smacked with a spatula by his wife..... 'Back off!' she said, 'they're for the funeral.'
````
Marriage Maths Marriage ProposalsMaths of MarriageWhen asked if there was anything they would have changed about one of the most romantic moments of their lives, several women said a 'bigger diamond!'
54% of men still get down on one knee
44% of men ask their partner's father for permission to marry
57% of men cry when she said yes
65% of women say he could have put more effort and preparation into the proposal
25% of couples wait longer than five years before taking their relationship that step further
23% of women have been proposed to more than once
````
Three Funny Women ThingsThe Minister noticed the bride was in distress so asked what was wrong. She replied that she was awfully nervous and afraid she would not remember what to do. The Minister told her that she only needed to remember 3 things.
First the aisle, cos that is what you'll be walking down.
Secondly, the alter because that is where you will arrive.
Finally, remember hymn because that is a type of song we will sing during the service.
While the bride was walking in step with the wedding march, family and friends of the groom were horrified to hear her repeating these 3 words...
... Aisle, alter hymn (I'll alter him)
````
Recommendations Made by Men to Women1 "Sports Report" starts at 5pm on a Saturday and runs for one hour. This is an excellent time for you to pay bills, put laundry in the dryer, or talk to your mother.
2 You probably don't want to know what I'm thinking about.
3 Never buy a "new" brand of beer because 'it was on sale.'
4 If we see each other in the morning and at night, why phone me at work?
````
"Do you know what it means to come home at night to a man who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house, that's what it means".
~George Burns~
````
Good morning everyboomie.
Thursday? Look out, I'm picking up speed. I may loose my balance.
I don't want to knock anyone down if I can't stop and come flying through the diner.
Well, as you might have guessed we did not get to 61 degrees today, or 60, or 59, 58, or 57.
We did get to 55 degrees though, and our weather people revised our next 3 days forecast downward, because I called them and threatened to sue them if they were wrong again.
That gives me 2 days of half way descent days to do something I enjoy.
Other than that, I'm gonna get a whole lot of gaming time.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
acebook
witter
still funny - and all Boomer's 
Wishing everyone a nice day! 
is adjusting and healing with time..all the best to you for the new year. 
Hugs are the best 
all of which gives me great hope & comfort take care everybody have a wonderful day Happy Gaming. 
much appreciated thank you so much, goodnight & sleep well