I don’t want to say we eat out
a lot, but I’ve noticed that lately when I call my kids for dinner, they run to the car.
—Julie Kidd~
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The Economic Disaster is So Bad That: I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.
A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico.
CEO's are now playing miniature golf.
The Mafia is laying off judges.
If the bank returns your check marked "Insufficient Funds," you call them and ask if they meant you or them.
Hot Wheels and Matchbox stocks are trading higher than GM.
McDonald's is selling the 1/4 ouncer.
Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children's names.
Dick Cheney took his stockbroker hunting.
Motel Six won't leave the light on anymore.
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Swine Flu LatestI've just been diagnosed with gammon flu.
I originally had swine flu but I've been cured!
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One Lump - Or Two?Dennis, a carpet fitter, had just finished laying a carpet for Mrs Branch. He popped outside out for a smoke, only to realise that he had mislaid his cigarettes. He retraced his steps and saw in the middle of the room, under the carpet, what appeared to be a small lump.
'No sense in taking up the entire carpet for one pack of fags,' Dennis muttered to himself. So he took get out his hammer and flattened the hump with a couple of sharp blows.
Dennis began tidying up when Mrs Branch came into the room and handed him his cigarettes. 'I found them in the hallway.' she said, 'Now,' she continued, looking around the room imploringly, 'if only I could find the canary.'
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Desperate Bridegroom Needed Money For WeddingA desperate bridegroom faces jail, not a reception and honeymoon, as his reward for staging four bank robberies after his fiancée's plans for a huge white wedding got out of hand. His "bride to be" demanded a reception with 500 guests, a Chanel wedding gown, a new car for the drive to the service and a Caribbean honeymoon.
The poor man was unable to provide the money for these jollities so he stole some £300,000 [$ 4,228,210 USD] in bank robberies throughout Austria before he was caught when an off duty policeman grabbed him as he fled from a bank in Vienna.
'The wedding was costing a lot of money and I realised I would never be able to pay for it,' he told the court. 'The money from the first robbery went in a day so I just kept going.'
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Help Police - Find Me A Husband!Divorcee, Angela Stahl, aged 44, a desperate housewife, has been reported for wasting police time in Germany after dialling 999 more than one hundred times in the hope of finding a new husband. We have learned that she plagued the emergency line with endless calls claiming she couldn't afford dating agencies.
Eventually and unsurprisingly two police officers finally visited her home in Berlin, Germany and confiscated the battery from her mobile phone.
There is nothing so funny as real life.````
TV Licence Demand Sent To 16th Century MathematicianA German mathematician who died 450 years ago has been sent a letter demanding that he pay for a TV licence. Algebra expert, Adam Ries, who bought the property in 1525 was sent the bill in Germany.
'We received a letter saying "To Mr Adam Ries" on it, with the request to pay his television and radio fees,' said Annegret Muench, who now heads a club honouring the mathematician, which uses the house as its HQ. Miss Muench returned the letter to the GEZ with a note explaining the request had come too late, as Ries had died in 1559, but she still received a reminder a few weeks later.
This was not the first time the GEZ had sent a bill to those in the afterlife. Last year, a school named after the poet Friedrich Schiller, who died in 1805, received a reminder asking him to declare all radios and televisions in his home and pay the corresponding fees.
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Picking Lemons Is EasySally Winters wanted to earn some money so she applied for a post in a Florida lemon grove which seemed eminently suitable but Sally was concerned that she might be over qualified for the job.
'Look Miss Winters,' said Archie, the foreman, seriously 'have you any actual experience in picking lemons?' 'Well, as a matter of fact, yes,' came Sally's reply and she added confidently, 'I've been divorced three times.'
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Six Items Madam?Ranjit was in the express lane at his local Wal-Mart supermarket quietly fuming. Completely ignoring the sign, the woman ahead of him had slipped into the check-out line pushing a cart piled high with groceries.
Can you imagine Ranjit's delight when the cashier beckoned the woman to come forward, looked into the cart, and asked her sweetly which six items she would like to buy?
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Finally: 'Stop That Laughing.'Gary Saunders, a motorist from Liverpool, England, was stopped by a traffic police officer and reprimanded for laughing at the wheel of his car. He was using a hands-free 'phone when he burst out laughing at a joke told him by his brother-in-law.
A few moments later he noticed a traffic officer flashing his lights at him and gesticulating at him to stop his Renault. When Mr Saunders got out of his car, the policeman castigated him, 'Laughing while driving a car can be an offence.'
'I couldn't believe it when he told me I'd been pulled over for laughing,' Mr Saunders is reported as saying, 'I was driving very safely in the Birkenhead Tunnel and took a call. He said something funny and I was laughing; simple as that. I never took my eyes off the road and was in full control of the car. I definitely wasn't speeding so I asked what the problem was and he told me I was laughing too much.'
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Good morning everyboomie.
Well, that was a short weekend!
I can't believe the Rams beat the Saints in New Orleans.
One game left to see who else will play in the big game.
I sure hope it's Kansas City.
That may be their curse. I was pulling for the Saints too.
I hope your new week is a great one.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
acebook
witter
All Funny 
but my favorite's were - One lump or Two, Picking Lemon's is easy and Six items Madam -fantastic...
i truly hope it all goes well for him, will be keeping your Hubby & You in my prayers tonight 
and sending positive thought's your way. 
Temperature is zero with wind chills -25! It is freezing, but we have power thank goodness! We are only going to have a high temp of maybe 7 degrees so I'll be staying in today.
& Connie 
wishing you both a beautiful Monday happy gaming. 
sounds yummy hehehe 
in and just gonna keep the air conditioner on eco and Hubby & I are having meatloaf with salads plus cold drinks tonight.. 
since Dad died - doctor said it's stress and the hot weather...that's life.
..afterwards fit some gaming and be happy.. 
have a terrific breaky and a great day at Bingo.. 
Soot cya. 
