> go North

You see a village hidden between the trees, there are six grues here. They are dressed in different outfits. A cowboy, an Indian, a police officer,a construction worker, a military man and the last one wears a leather outfit. They are singing about young grues staying somewhere and having fun.
Oh no, they are The Village Grues!

You don't want to walk this way, so you return to the crossroads.




Bernard

>wave to the one wearing the leather before you leave

Oh, just stop that.

>go East

You go East. The woods are becoming denser, the path becoming narrower. The branches overhang and converge, making it impossible to progress.

>use pocket sword on branches

You cut through the branches. The dirt path has brushed aside to reveal a winding, curling path of yellow bricks. In the far distance you can see a castle with many turrets. Should we follow the yellow brick road?

>why not

A little enthusiasm, please, otherwise I shall force you to sing Somewhere Over the Rainbow

>Yes, let's please follow the yellow brick road!!

You follow the yellow brick road.

>_

There are some bushes at the side of the road, in one of them you see a pair of eyes glistening. Fear fills your heart, that's a lion, you think! Then a strange looking cat comes out of the bushes. I's black with a white stripe on his back and tail. It looks at you and introduces itself. "Hi there, I'm Pepé Le Pew, what are you doing here?".

>ask about le Bistro à l'Aztec

"I don't know ......................"

You know there's a big but coming. Indeed a woman has walked up to you! "Hi I'm Lay Low, your bride-to-be!"
Is this the same woman as the female grue?
"You look totally different now!" She smiles at you and says "Don't panic this just my stage image."

Pepé sees you're scared and decides to help you, he squirts some bodily fluids onto the grue. The smell is terrible but the grue is dissolving. Seconds later only her red, shiny shoes are left.

>take shoes

You take the red shoes.

>talk to Pepé

"How did you do that?"
"That's one of my little secrets. I don't know where that Bistro is, but I know someone who will. His name is The Wonderful Whizzer. I'll join you on your way there. I have to speak to him also, I have a small BO problem and he might have a cure for it."




Bernard

This saga just makes my day!

You proceed along the yellow brick road. Dancing optional. After a short distance you arrive at a turnstile. Beside the turnstile is a heap of rusty old junk.. no, wait, it appears to be an old automaton. Is it moving?

>examine automaton

You touch the automaton. Its eyes blink, it is trying to talk.

>use olive oil with automaton's mouth

Oh, you're getting good at this now. You apply the olive oil to the automaton's mouth.

"Thank you!" says the automaton, "I am the Lord Osscccaarrrrrrs from a few pages back. I caught my train, but that ungrateful wench kicked me off when I asked for her ticket. I landed in a puddle and now I'm all rusty... waaahhhhhhhhhh"

>comfort Lord Osssccarrrrrssssss

You attempt to comfort Lord Osssccarrrrrrssssss. Eventually he stops sniffling. You apply olive oil to all his rusty joints. He begins to move more freely. Should he join your merry troupe?

>just as long as he doesn't want my ticket

Lord Ossccarrrrrrssss joins your merry troupe. Off you all go again.

>_

The three of you are happily walking down the road again. In a field you see a big donkey grazing. You want to attend them to the huge ass to your companions, but you think of Lay Low and you keep your mouth shut.

>talk to Lord o'Scars

"Hi you, would you mind if I call you Scarface?"

He says he doesn't care, as long as you oil him up and rewind his spring every now and then.

"What's your big problem, Scarface?"
He says he's really self aware about his appearance and he wants an Extreme Makeover. He thinks the Whizzer can do that for him.

The weather is changing, clouds are blocking the light of the sun. It starts to rain.

You walk on, through the rain. Walk on, walk on. You're entering a vineyard, there are crows everywhere! (At last crows! No game can do without them!). There's a scarecrow, tied to a cross shaped wooden construction.

>use pocket sword with scarecrow

You cut the ties of the scarecrow.

>take cross

You take the cross, the scarecrow whimpers "Please don't be cross with me!!"

>talk to scarecrow

"Where are we now?" He answers "These are the vineyards of the Château d'Y, They make the sweetest wines here!" You say that Y is a very short name, he acknowledges it's short, but the owner had no choice, a longer name wouldn't have fitted because the château is very small.

Down the road again!




Bernard

>inv

Your inventory contains an empty bucket, a wig, a shard of flint,
a pocket sword, 3 cents, a gun with 2 bullets remaining, a dusty bottle containing a very small amount of olive oil, a clipper lighter, a moldy piece of brie and a pair of (mostly) red slippers.

>Mostly red?

I'm a text parser, not a doctor. Care to rephrase that in the form of something intelligible?

>Look at shoes

On closer examination, you find that the shoes are actually silver slippers, covered in grue blood.

>Use wig on shoes

You now have one pair of silver slippers, and one (mostly) red wig.

After walking further along the yellow brick road, the path widens out onto a poppy field. Ooo how pretty.

>frolic amongst the poppies

This is an adventure game, not an episode of Teletubbies.

>bypass poppies

This is a yellow brick road, not a bypass.

>walk past the poppies whilst keeping a safe distance and being extremely careful not to inhale too deeply

That's a long sentence, but it's correct and you earn bonus points

>hoorah!

You steer clear of the poppies.

>_

Down the road again!

You realize you don't know anything about the scarecrow!

>examine scarecrow

As you look at him, you see there's something weird about his nose. He's wearing a glove on one hand.

>ask where he's coming from

"I come from NeverEverland™ Sir. By the way, my name is Michael."
You don't know what to think of him.

You keep on walking, you're glad your boots were made for this.

The road is long, with many a winding turns.
After one of the turns you see a man playing a trumpet, it sounds cool, you wish you still had your sun glasses.

>greet musician

He takes of his black hat and greets you back.
"Guys, you're all welcome. My name is Miles, how can I be of help?"

>ask about Whizzer

"Yeah, I've heard about him, he lives in the Castle of the Yellow Fountains."
You ask how far it is.
"You know, there are many people called Miles, I guess you've got another 45 Miles' to go!" He takes a piece of jewellery out of his ear and gives you the golden earring. "When you see the Whizzer, please give him this."
He starts to play the trumpet again and as you're walking away, you're treated with som fine jazz.

Down the road again!





Bernard

Talk to Miles.

Off the yellow brick road is a short path leading to a quaint cottage. Outside the cottage is a sign: "The Amazing Miles -- 45 Voices, Each Surprisingly Different!" You knock on the door.

Miles answers. He is dressed in peasant garb and holds out a cup.

>Put penny in cup.

Miles reaches up to the sign and flips it to the back, where you see a list of names, all written in what seems to be Elvish. Miles gestures to indicate that you should choose a name.

>Alfred Hitchcock.

Miles does not speak as Alfred Hitchcock.

>Judy Garland

Miles does not speak as Judy Garland.

>Hugh Bliss.

Who? READ THE SIGN!

>How can I read the sign? You are completely unreasonable. And who ARE you anyway? Identify yourself!

Miles speaks with all 45 voices at once. "We are legion," he says. You manage to identify the voices of Darth Vader, Sybil Trelawney, Princess Buttercup, Spiderman and Bugs Bunny as he speaks, but the incident is now so creepy that you back away from Miles and head on down the road.

>_

Just up ahead there's a glittery path forking off to the right of the yellow brick road.
> Walk along the path & just round the corner is a large flashing neon lit building. At the entrance is a troll made out of boulders & round his neck he is wearing an identity card - his name is Rocky 3.
> Try to enter the night club. Rocky 3 says 'no way'. Can't you read the sign - SMART DRESS ONLY. He sniffs Pepe Le Pew & adds 'strictly no BO'.
> Walk round to the back of the building & there is a door with a padlock.
> Examine padlock - it's a combination lock. Not enough information.
> Combine moldy brie with barrel of gun to make silencer.
> Use gun on padlock.
> Enter door. You are in a corridor with rows of doors to the right & left.
> Try the doors. All are locked except for one.
> Enter door. You are in a dressing room with clothes & cosmetics strewn around.
> Pick up orange satin gloves, orange feather boa & orange hair scrunchy. Use all on Michael & then use red wig. Michael protests that it's not his colour. You reassure him it's very flattering to his complexion
> Pick up bottle of Victoria Beckham 'Golden Balls' super strength perfume, a black panama hat & pair of starshaped glittery red rimmed sunglasses. Use these on Pepe Le Pew.
> Pick up gold lurex cravat, & gold highlight hairspray. Use these on 'Scarface'.
> Exit drssingroom.
> Exit building.
> Walk round to front.
> Try to enter nightclub again. Pepe Le Pew does his best Antonio Banderas impression & wonders how cats can do it so much better.
> "Not so fast" Rocky 3 says "Have you got tickets?" You say "no" & ask him if there is anything else he would like instead. He tells you he is having a lot of trouble with his toenails as he can't file them down.
> Offer Rocky 3 shard of flint. He is so happy "thankyou, thankyou" & starts dancing around. The ground vibrates.
> Quickly head into the nightclub .........

You offer to fetch the drinks, and you go to the bar.

>look at bartender

The bartender looks quite old. His face shows he has had his fair share of the 'good' things in life. Some bats are flying around him.

>talk to bartender

He says his name is Ozzie and he comes from the land down below.
"It's quiet now" he says "it's because the men are at work. Would you like a bat?"

>say yes

Ozzie gives you a bat.

>Examine bat

The bat is wearing a cap, a glove and tight pants. It's a baseball bat!

>talk to bat

"You play baseball, don't you?"
"You bet I do, I'm a pitcher!"

>use pitcher with bartender

Ozzie fills the pitcher with beer. You start to walk back to your table, a man in black addresses you. "Let me introduce myself to you, I'm Michael, Michael Knight." Oh no, please no more Michaels!

>ask Knight about whizzer

"I know where he lives, I could drive you there with my car."
You accept his offer and Michael talks to his watch, "Kid, get us out of here!". With a loud noise and a smell of burning rubber a car enters. You call the others and you all get into the car. Down the road again! You see a small orange fibre on your seat.

>examine fibre

You take a closer look at the fibre, you now see it's a Speedo.

>ask Michael about Speedo

"Please call me David, all my friends do. The Speedo you say? In my spare time I'm a life guard. I hate water but I like the big floating devices covered in orange fabric!". A voice in the car says "Oh please David, end these awful puns!"

>ask David about the voice

"Never mind that! It's just Kid."

>ask about Kid

"Is Kid some kind of computer?"
"No, it's just a little kid hiding itself in the dashboard."
You see that the scarecrow's eyes are wide open now and he seems to be very alert.

David turns on the stereo and says "Do you know I'm a singer also? I even made an album. I'll play it for you."
He inserts a CD into the stereo and you hear the music. You decide you have to get out of the car quick. You ask David to stop the car. He stops the car at a MacDrive and you and the others step out. David orders some drinks and some burgers. You think that David will have a night to remember!
The four of you start walking again.





Bernard

> the yellow brick road is nowhere to be seen - you're lost. All of a sudden you see a big cloud of black smoke in the distance & from nowhere some music fills the air "oo eeeee oo, ee oo ee oo ee" which repeats then stops. A man materialises in front of you dressed in a fluorescent green leotard carrying a large suitcase. He introduces himself as Captain Hamish Wee Dirk. He tells you that he has lost his starship - he beamed down to see the Wizzer because his crew insisted that they were bored with wearing the same uniforms year in year out. You ask whether he knows anything about the black smoke. He tells you he heard a rumour that the bouncer of the local nightclub accidently set fire to it while filing his toenails. Apparently some idiots had given him a shard of flint with which to do it. The smoke is a nuisance because his Lieutanant O'Hairy can't pinpoint his co-ordinates..........

>talk to Dirk

"Hii. I'm the the lost adventurer, where do you come from?"

"I come from a galaxy many, many, many, ................
.....................................................
..................................................
..........., many light years away!"

"What are you here for?"

"I want to show the all new TeaserGun™ to you Earthlings."

>ask about TeaserGun™

He points the TeaserGun™ at you and you suddenly see a tropical island with two people on it, one of them seems to have a foot injury. You tell Dirk the teaser isn't very original. He says you're right, it's a sequel."
Dirk asks where you're going, you tell him the story about the Whizzer.

He says:
"I will follow you
follow you where ever you may go
there isn't a ..."

"Oh shut up please!!!! You can come with us, but no more tunes."

Walking again, you notice Dirk is leaving Mystic Trails.




Bernard

> meanwhile on the starship Bentbutflise Lieutanant O'Hairy is shirking & playing The Lost Gown (waiting in anticipation for the new uniforms) All of a sudden the location monitor starts to bleep & she sees a trail of beacons on the screen. She presses a button & the big monitor in the control room shows the Captain walking along with four strange folk dressed in tasteless attire. "Excuse me Logic Officer Sock" she says, "I think I have the co-ordinates of the Captain - he's been leaving a Mystic Trail - should I arrange for Spotty to beam him up". "Has he got the new uniform" Sock asks. "Looks like he's wearing some of it but he hasn't got the matching green Doc Martins & Davy Crockett hat". "In that case the logical thing to do is keep watching - he must be returning to the Whizzer with that somewhat Motley Crue, who look like a theatre of pain, to get the rest of the gear."
Meanwhile back on 'earth' ................