"No matter how smart you are, you spend much of your day being an idiot."
Scott Adams
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Two hunters are walking through a forest looking for deer. When all of a sudden, a giant bear jumps out and scares the daylights out of them. They drop their guns and run like hell.
One of the hunters stopped, opened up his backpack and laced up a pair of tennis shoes. His buddy looked at him and said, "What are you doing? Are you crazy? You can't outrun the bear!"
To this the hunter said, "I know, all I have to do is outrun you!"
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Leo, our neighbor, came home with a birdhouse one day.
My husband kidded him, asking how many birds could afford deluxe accommodations in our suburban neighborhood.
"Leave that to me," Leo replied.
Soon that birdhouse was dangling from a tree with a neat sign that read: "Room for wren--cheep."
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Once there was a golfer whose drive landed on an anthill. Rather than move the ball, he decided to hit it where it lay. He gave a mighty swing. Clouds of dirt and sand and ants exploded from the spot. Everything but the golfball. It sat in the same spot.
So he lined up and tried another shot. Clouds of dirt and sand and ants went flying again. The golf ball didn't even wiggle.
Two ants survived. One dazed ant said to the other, "Whoa! What are we going to do?"
Said the other ant: "I don't know about you, but I'm going to get on the ball."
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Date of Joke: Friday, 18th January, 2002
A duck walks into a bar and asks the bartender for some quackers. The bartender explains that the bar doesn't have any quackers.
The next day, the same duck walks into the bar and asks the bartender for some quackers. The bartender again explains that the bar doesn't serve quackers.
Sure enough, the very next day, the duck again walks into the bar and asks for some quackers. The bartender screams at the duck, "If you come in here one more time, I'm going to nail your beak into the wall with a hammer and some nails! "
A few days pass, and then the duck walks into the bar again.The bartender notices the duck and says, "I'm warning you!"
The duck replies, "Do you have a hammer?"
The bartender replies, "No!"
The duck asks, "Do you have any nails?"
The bartender replies, "No!"
The duck grins and asks, "Do you have any quackers?"
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One day a man went to an auction. While there, he bid on a parrot. He really wanted this bird, so he got caught up in the bidding. He kept on bidding, but kept getting outbid, so he bid higher and higher and higher. Finally, after he bid way more than he intended, he won the bid - the parrot was his at last!
As he was paying for the parrot, he said to the auctioneer, "I sure hope this parrot can talk. I would hate to have paid this much for it, only to find out that he can't talk!"
"Don't worry," said the auctioneer, "He can talk. Who do you think kept bidding against you?"
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Little Nancy was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he politely asked, "What are you doing there, Nancy?"
"My goldfish died," replied Nancy tearfully without looking up, "and I've just buried him."
The neighbor was very concerned. "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?"
Nancy patted down the last heap of dirt then replied, "That's because he's inside your cat."
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Good morning everyboomie.
It's another late night and I'm just too tired for words.
You're half way through the week now.
Enjoy your hump day.
joe
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To all awake, 
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